Bringing the humour back
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Me 'You know what you're like a drug.'Wife 'Why because you're hooked on me?'Me 'No because you are ruining my life.'
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I was so pissed off after arguing with my wife last night.When she went to bed, I sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard.
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The wife was showing off her new knee-length boots."Oooh," she said, "nice and tight. I feel like I'm wearing my own skin.""That's no surprise," I said, glancing at the box, "they're made of pig's leather."
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
Now that's a joke you'll be able to enjoy for a few days as she struggles with them...... Very clever....tip my hat to youI was so pissed off after arguing with my wife last night.When she went to bed, I sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard.
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My mate said, "i have been awake since 6.""How old are you?" I replied."36" he said.Fuck me! you must be knackard!
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You will never guess who I just saw at the petrol station - it was that human torch guy from the Fantastic 4 film.I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming.
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Is anyone else completely ashamed when Pimp My Ride UK comes on?
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Deal or No Deal is so unrealistic.Getting your bank to call you is hard enough but getting someone who speaks English is pushing it.
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I was walking in New York when I thought I saw the hulk. Tried to get to him and finally did. I asked him "Are you really that strong like on the movies?" I never got am answer though because he picked me up and throw me where I smashed through an airplane window and landed in a chair with a semitruck on tge flying plane's wing.
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I just can't seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently.English and Klingon.
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Personally, I fucking hate Raymond.
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A sexy blonde goes to the doctor and says, "Oh doctor, it's awful, every time I hear a Jim Carrey quote, I get so horny that I rip my clothes off and fuck the nearest thing to me!"Doctor replies, "Re-he-eeeeallllllllly?"
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Now this is humor.
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PIP PIPS SON. wrote:
Now this is humor.
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Morgan Freeman wrote:
PIP PIPS SON. wrote:
Now this is humor.
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👊🏥🚑💨 wrote:
Morgan Freeman wrote:
PIP PIPS SON. wrote:
Now this is humor.
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I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone lead and yelled "fuck me"
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Fans of FuturamaGOOD NEWS EVERYONE, I've invented a device that makes you read this message in your head...with my voice
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
What, why!!!!Personally, I fucking hate Raymond.
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
😂I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone lead and yelled "fuck me"
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
😹😹😹 he got screwed big time (in the bad luck way I mean)I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone lead and yelled "fuck me"
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UnknownAssassin wrote:
In both ways!Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
😹😹😹 he got screwed big time (in the bad luck way I mean)I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone lead and yelled "fuck me"
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Fat Raymond wrote:
Ha ha ha haƮℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
What, why!!!!Personally, I fucking hate Raymond.
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
Yea I figured lolUnknownAssassin wrote:
In both ways!Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
😹😹😹 he got screwed big time (in the bad luck way I mean)I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone lead and yelled "fuck me"
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
😹😹You will never guess who I just saw at the petrol station - it was that human torch guy from the Fantastic 4 film.I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming.
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Or just download the sickipedia app from the app store...top jokes from today⬆⬆⬆⬆
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
Sweet mother of god...Fans of FuturamaGOOD NEWS EVERYONE, I've invented a device that makes you read this message in your head...with my voice
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All good ones. Good way to start the day.
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
Bwahahaha 👊👍I felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night.He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone lead and yelled "fuck me"
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I went to the doctors because I realized I wasn't able to do the things I used to be able to do. After he looked me over he said "Well sir, in plain English, you have a severe case of laziness"
I told him "Good now give me how you would say it medically so I can tell my wife"
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
There's a pimp my ride uk version? That's been off the air here in the states for yearsIs anyone else completely ashamed when Pimp My Ride UK comes on?
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