Bringing the humour back
Forums › General Discussion › Bringing the humour back-
Q: What does waking up "shipwrecked" mean?
A: You wake to find you have two hands on the mast and there's dead seamen everywhere.
Q: What's pink, wrinkled, smells like piss and hangs out your underwear?
A: Your grandmother.
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Yourplague wrote:
...I may have choked from laughing at that one...It's so awkward when you send a private text message to the wrong person.The other day I wrote a message, "Hey babe, thinking of U makes my cock hard, can't wait to sex U up 2night" and sent it to my 10-year-old daughter.Imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I'd sent that to the wrong person.
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Q: When Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband's penis, she threw it out of her moving car whilst in traffic and it struck the windshield of the car behind her. What did the driver of that car say to his passenger?
A: "Wow, did you see the size of the dick on that bird?!?"
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Good thread so far 👍
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Q: What do you get if you mix The Incredible Hulk with Lindsay Lohan?
A: The Incrediblely Drunk Slut.
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Q: What did the tampon say to the vagina?
A: You're a bloody cunt!
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Husband: "Hey hunny, I could use a lil' pussy..."
Wife: "Me too-- Mine's as big as a house!"
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PuppetMaster wrote:
Predator joke?Husband: "Hey hunny, I could use a lil' pussy..."
Wife: "Me too-- Mine's as big as a house!"
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Did you hear about the worst Polish airplane crash in it's history. A cessena 2 seater crashed into a cemetary and so far they have recovered 243 bodies.
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It was the happiest day of my life.
Arrived at church. Wife waiting at the altar.Walked up the aisle.
Kissed her on the cheek.
Smiled.
Closed the lid.
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Exit signs ....... They're on the way out !!
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
I'm glad someone else caught that too. My first thought was "stole that from predator 2"PuppetMaster wrote:
Predator joke?Husband: "Hey hunny, I could use a lil' pussy..."
Wife: "Me too-- Mine's as big as a house!"
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
This made me cackle--hard!! ...as I have several unopened jars staring at me.I was so pissed off after arguing with my wife last night.When she went to bed, I sneaked into the kitchen and tightened every jar and bottle in the cupboard.
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I was on the train earlier when some man in uniform said,"Ticket please."I went," Fuck off.Buy your own."
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If I see an Apple Store being robbed...Does that make me an iWitness?
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I said to the girl who gave me a lift home from work last night, "You're new to this reverse parking lark, aren't you."She laughed and said, "What makes you think that?"I said, "Because we're upside down in a fucking ditch."
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Little Johnny is at the zoo with his dad and seems to be having a great time, but when they get to the lion's cage, his face turns pale and he looks terrified."What's up, Johnny?""I was just wondering, Dad," says Johnny. "If the lion escapes from its cage and eats you ... what bus do I take to get home?"
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I always give my girlfriend a warning signal thirty seconds before I'm going to come.I put a condom on.
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My wife just called me.She said, "The two kids want you to take them Bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema.""It's either one or the other" I said, "Otherwise it's too expensive.""Okay" she replied, "Which one do you prefer?"I said, "David."
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I'm not saying my wife is fat, but our memory foam mattress has started pretending to have alzheimer's when she gets in bed.
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Wait you have a wife
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Yeah I'm surprised too
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Ꮹཞ།ཀཀ wrote:
Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
I'm glad someone else caught that too. My first thought was "stole that from predator 2"PuppetMaster wrote:
Predator joke?Husband: "Hey hunny, I could use a lil' pussy..."
Wife: "Me too-- Mine's as big as a house!"
Yeah it's from the first Predator movie... It gets told in the chopper at the start of the film when the team is entering the drop zone. Was wondering if anyone would pick that up! Impressed!
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YOU wrote:
Q: Whats the definition of Vagina?
A: It's the box the penis comes in.
This is a joke from the film "Ford Fairlane". No one picked that up...
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PuppetMaster wrote:
Oh shit. They tell that joke in both movies then. In 2 its when Bill Paxton tells the lil Mexican girl the joke in the police station. The shot catches the tail of the joke you can hear him tell the endᏩཞ།ཀཀ wrote:
Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
I'm glad someone else caught that too. My first thought was "stole that from predator 2"PuppetMaster wrote:
Predator joke?Husband: "Hey hunny, I could use a lil' pussy..."
Wife: "Me too-- Mine's as big as a house!"
Yeah it's from the first Predator movie... It gets told in the chopper at the start of the film when the team is entering the drop zone. Was wondering if anyone would pick that up! Impressed!
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Hogass wrote:
Jokes buddy, jokes!Wait you have a wife
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I couldn't stop farting in bed last night, to the point where my Jewish girlfriend had enough and kicked me out to sleep on the couch. "Oh come on", I pleaded, "a bit of gas never killed anyone". Apparently now I'm fucking insensitive as well
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Гöлاл wrote:
This made me lol even though it's borderline inappropriateI couldn't stop farting in bed last night, to the point where my Jewish girlfriend had enough and kicked me out to sleep on the couch. "Oh come on", I pleaded, "a bit of gas never killed anyone". Apparently now I'm fucking insensitive as well
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I haven't laughed so loud since we pulled the crackers at Christmas
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but that might have been to do with the faulty cooker
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