Bringing the humour back
Forums › General Discussion › Bringing the humour back-
Fat Raymond wrote:
Lmao! 😹😹😹😹😹😹😹Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
What, why!!!!Personally, I fucking hate Raymond.
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A man on a long haul flight noticed the beautiful young woman sitting next to him was reading a book titled
''Strange but true sexual facts''."Interesting?'' he asks.
''Yes'' she replies, ''For instance, did you know that the American Red Indian has the longest penis in the world and an Irishman has the thickest?
Oh, I'm sorry" she continued, my name's Helen & yours?" ...
''Tonto O'Connor"
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The wife said to me yesterday " I bet you can't go one day without cracking a joke about my periods"" You're on " I said
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snowhound wrote:
😂😂😂😂😂😂A man on a long haul flight noticed the beautiful young woman sitting next to him was reading a book titled
''Strange but true sexual facts''."Interesting?'' he asks.
''Yes'' she replies, ''For instance, did you know that the American Red Indian has the longest penis in the world and an Irishman has the thickest?
Oh, I'm sorry" she continued, my name's Helen & yours?" ...
''Tonto O'Connor"
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snowhound wrote:
😂😂The wife said to me yesterday " I bet you can't go one day without cracking a joke about my periods"" You're on " I said
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😂😂😂😂😂
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James87💀🔫⚠ wrote:
Shhhh!Or just download the sickipedia app from the app store...top jokes from today⬆⬆⬆⬆
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Why I fired my secretary:Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said,
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"You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.""Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
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she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".And I just sat there...On the couch...Sobbing...Naked...and erect.
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Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"
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Yourplague wrote:
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".And I just sat there...On the couch...Sobbing...Naked...and erect.
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Yourplague wrote:
Lol...funnyshe came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".And I just sat there...On the couch...Sobbing...Naked...and erect.
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I found out by accident last night that my girlfriend is adopted.We were in bed together and I'm shouting, "Who's the daddy, Who's the daddy?""I don't know!" she replied, "There's an agency looking for him but they don't have any clues."
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!"She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!"This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!""That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"The husband sighed. "Oh shit. It's started."
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I organised a threesome last night...There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.
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Yourplague wrote:
😂😂😂too funny...A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!"She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!"This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!""That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"The husband sighed. "Oh shit. It's started."
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Yourplague wrote:
😂😂😂dude where r u getting this shit its funny as hellI organised a threesome last night...There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.
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My wife is a famous porn star, but she would be pissed if she found out!!
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Who is the most popular man in the nudist colony?
The one who can Carry 2 cups of coffee and 9 doughnuts!!!!Who is the most popular female in the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last doughnut!!! -
Little Johnny jumps on a bus & sits behind the driver. Johnny starts chanting at the top of his voice ''If my mammy was a cow & my daddy was a bull then id be a calf...if my mammy was a ewe & my daddy was a ram, then id be a lamb...if my mammy was a mare & my daddy was a stallion then id be a foal...The driver was getting pissed off and said to Johnny ''And if your mammy was a whore and your dad was a wanker, what would you be?''Johnny replied ''A fucking bus driver!!!''
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Little girl and her mother walking through a park when they see two teenagers having sex on a bench, the little girl asks her mum ''what are they doing?'' mother looks awkward and replies ''they're making cake's!''. The following day the little girl say's to her mother ''you and daddy were making cakes in the living room last night wernt you!'' mother looks worried and says ''yes,how do you know?'' little girl replies ''i licked the icing off the sofa!''.
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snowhound wrote:
😝😝😝Little girl and her mother walking through a park when they see two teenagers having sex on a bench, the little girl asks her mum ''what are they doing?'' mother looks awkward and replies ''they're making cake's!''. The following day the little girl say's to her mother ''you and daddy were making cakes in the living room last night wernt you!'' mother looks worried and says ''yes,how do you know?'' little girl replies ''i licked the icing off the sofa!''.
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Dix
Little girl and her mother walking through a park when they see two teenagers having sex on a bench, the little girl asks her mum ''what are they doing?'' mother looks awkward and replies ''they're making cake's!''. The following day the little girl say's to her mother ''you and daddy were making cakes in the living room last night wernt you!'' mother looks worried and says ''yes,how do you know?'' little girl replies ''i licked the icing off the sofa!''.
yep
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad stole from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there.....!
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snowhound wrote:
Little girl and her mother walking through a park when they see two teenagers having sex on a bench, the little girl asks her mum ''what are they doing?'' mother looks awkward and replies ''they're making cake's!''. The following day the little girl say's to her mother ''you and daddy were making cakes in the living room last night wernt you!'' mother looks worried and says ''yes,how do you know?'' little girl replies ''i licked the icing off the sofa!''.
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
:DYou will never guess who I just saw at the petrol station - it was that human torch guy from the Fantastic 4 film.I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming.
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
:DA sexy blonde goes to the doctor and says, "Oh doctor, it's awful, every time I hear a Jim Carrey quote, I get so horny that I rip my clothes off and fuck the nearest thing to me!"Doctor replies, "Re-he-eeeeallllllllly?"
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Just as the porn video finishes loading a message appears at the corner of my screen:"Battery low - 5 mins remaining"
Game on.
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It's so awkward when you send a private text message to the wrong person.The other day I wrote a message, "Hey babe, thinking of U makes my cock hard, can't wait to sex U up 2night" and sent it to my 10-year-old daughter.Imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I'd sent that to the wrong person.
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