Ye Guts for Garters Pub
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To be or not to be! Pondered by many, understood by few. I am of the few. I comprehend the complexity of such questions. It's taken many an hour of meditation, being held in the dungeons of my communist oppressors. To be or not to be, are two in the same! Intertwined by space and time as for the ying there is a yang, a canon a ball, a penn a tellar. Not to mention the ball and the bag! To be, there needs to be a not to be! True enlightenment of our world and all which surrounds brings wisdom beyond the dreams of the darkened souls.
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I bring with me a burden of guilt. My bar tab will bequeath upon all patrons of this eve, a drink of choice and a large pack of 'Ye ol' Gypsy pork crackling'. I hope this will accompany my apology regarding the shadow cast upon this fine establishment by my tales of Gypsy Slut encounters. I doff my hat to the room and take pitch in the dusty corner booth awaiting the stares from the domino corner and the teeth kisses from the Caribbean chicken traders.
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I think there has been some Columbian marching powder imbided here, but hey no problem with that, I personally just stick to those triangular blue ones, "barkeep a stiff one for the road"
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Never mind all that. Does Trigger know Gary the Goat? Socially, of course, not romantically as some might be prone to assume.
Hyena, a whiff of heather in its fourth edition, smooth as Gunner Petersen's bum will mark you as a sophisticate. We've let a thick coat of dust settle on the bottle as a disguise, but it should not be sipped alone. -
I've asked my long eared friend about Gary, phew what a tirade of abuse he hoof tapped, seems old Gary stole the love of his life from him, details are sketchy, she was a young mare called Mary, they spent every minute of the day together, Gary the goat was his best friend, a talented goat who could perform magic tricks, and regurgitate razor blades, Gary asked Trigger if he might loan Mary to help with his latest trick "The disappearing foal", all went well until one fateful day when Mary never came back home, Mary and Gary had galloped off together, oops sorry have to break off now Trigger needs comforting.
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Let us feast over such fables, we sould banquet with gusto as we hear of the exploits of our hair laden friends of the hoofed persuasion. Send for tankards and jugs of the finest spirits and ales, we shall celebrate our hoofed companions, including Shaniqua, Molly and of course, Great Miss Camel Toe herself, mystic Barbara of Leighton buzzard.
🍻
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I MrCasper have returned, under a new more suitable guise. The talk of a banquet and the whispered discussion of sought after wisdom and enlightenment hath seen me and my trusty steed canter back to the Garter.
Ye be right with your snub of the Colombian powder Ultraviolet, and I applaud your use of the blue triangles, although I avoid such enhancers, for I wear a trouser with a flexible, roomy weave. I fear it would only unsettle the simple county folk.
And Knight, I am pleased to see ye have returned from your brief incarceration relatively unscathed, although I must pass on my warning of the chicken traders of which you speak, as the price of one pound and fifty pence leaves me sceptical as to whether or not such a stock is taken from a sustainable source. -
Ah, Ranger, pull up trouser leg and join me in the dank booth. I took heed of your warnings and have cast the Chicken Traders to the curb and sent them on their merry way. Much to the dismay of Jurgen the Austrian, he and Bubba of the Chicken Traders were team mates in the local drumstick hiding league. Needless to say, there was much kissing of teeth and gums as I returned to the bar.
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Ah, the blue triangle brigade. Handy, those, just in case and sometimes just for fun if there's a true scouser princess about. As long as she doesn't have the teeth of the hydra upon her, of course. Can never be too careful with the likes of the traffic through here although after a few glasses, living for the moment is the order of the day.
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Her breath stinks of grave wax and her teeth are rotten in her head. Besides that, she is a comely lass.
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I was teaching a group where there was a real beauty amongst them. My eyes had a life of their own and kept looking at her ample boobs.My brain then got in on the act and I told her to get up and scribble on the blackboard to afford me a better view of the goods and I was much pleased. I sat in a reverie at the back of the class and my hand patted me on the back.I shall punish the little minx at a later date but first I must attend to something else that has made its presence known and impedes my rising from the chair comfortably.
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Uncontrolled and unexpected release of loose bowels does make it awkward to rise in such circumstances. The tangy waft takes the edge off the keen enjoyment in the moment.
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The Far Side wrote:
Yes,a real dampener to be sure.Uncontrolled and unexpected release of loose bowels does make it awkward to rise in such circumstances. The tangy waft takes the edge off the keen enjoyment in the moment.
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But still, having that lukewarm fluidic brine passing nigh to ones prostatic bailiwick can be a titillation no matter where you happen to find yourself when the tap turns. Throwing out a one armed shuffle of sui voluptas at the same time may perchance elevate the episode to far greater heights than one may give credit.
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Touching cloth I was not but a late night tipple I will be having.
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Buuuuuuuurp
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I may be new and of the fairer sex, but kind barkeep I have traveled far and wide and expect a stiff drink and an honorable man.
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I am not the delicate type. Carry on at will with raucous conversations and I will join in at will.
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I was about to say, fair lady, honorable men are a scarce specimen in a place like this. However, when the liquor stops flowing, and the clouds that acompany it have departed, you will find not one man that is more braver than any of these lads...
Now excuse me, i shall refrain myself from further interruption, and continue reading this book wich hopefully, will teach me the ways of the enlightened words these fine gentlemen seem to be pulling out of their sleeves like white rabbits.
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I disagree Fartex, many here are honorable. You don't here us bragging about the state we left loose lips Annie after the New Year's Day after party... Then there was the time that Mary came in for a quickie and suddenly had an immaculate conception giving birth 9 months later to yet another messiah....
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heatherlynn wrote:
Cast your eye about the Garter,Heather,to see such fine upstanding candidates.Welcome and come sit down on the bar so we can see you all the better.... and pray allow me to get your drink. Decline all drinks proffered by the bald,sweating,toothless,pimpled chap that is leering at you,and wears crotchless fish-net pants.Trigger's frolicking hath turned him into something less than pleasant and prone to doctoring drinks.I may be new and of the fairer sex, but kind barkeep I have traveled far and wide and expect an honourable drink and a stiff man.
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heatherlynn wrote:
Perhaps we can supply a stiff man and a honourable drink fair lady.I may be new and of the fairer sex, but kind barkeep I have traveled far and wide and expect a stiff drink and an honorable man.
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Ultraviolet wrote:
Aye much more likely in this company.heatherlynn wrote:
Perhaps we can supply a stiff man and a honourable drink fair lady.I may be new and of the fairer sex, but kind barkeep I have traveled far and wide and expect a stiff drink and an honorable man.
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How shall we know you truly are of the fairer sex, and not one of Trigger's cross dressing pranks? But welcome to the Garter. I know those sandy shores from which you hail.
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The Far Side wrote:
Ahhh Sandy Shores I remember her from those "educational" movies I saw in personal development. Oh and a few special dreams.....How shall we know you truly are of the fairer sex, and not one of Trigger's cross dressing pranks? But welcome to the Garter. I know those sandy shores from which you hail.
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I return to the security of the Inn. With a tale so filled with anger, the small varicose vein on the back of my leg still pulses with ferocity. To be made aware of such dastardly deeds being cast within ones own court lead me to break my usually rock solid restraint. Violence it not the way in which I deal. I use diplomacy and polite resolve. Unfortunately diplomacy evaded my attention this time and I served a dish less pleasant.
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....but cold.... 👆
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Hyena wrote:
Cold as a witches' in February.....but cold.... 👆
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Did someone say sex? 😳
👋✋👋
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Something about veiny things.
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