Joke contest
Forums › General Discussion › Joke contest-
As mentioned before I am offering a reward for both contests, one reward is an iTunes gift card, the other, "...a trip..."
Now the rules for the joke contest are as follows. I personally am ok with any and all forms of humor you wish to put, but if it causes problems, from other players or devs, your on your own. Joke on...
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So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. After a few drinks the bartender says to the pirate "Excuse me, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replies "Arrrrrrrrrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
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Guy walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac on his shoulder, he says to the barman: one for me and one for the road.
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"The Man" wrote:
😹👍So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. After a few drinks the bartender says to the pirate "Excuse me, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replies "Arrrrrrrrrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
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💢GOLIATH💢 wrote:
yea so far this is the best one"The Man" wrote:
😹👍So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. After a few drinks the bartender says to the pirate "Excuse me, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replies "Arrrrrrrrrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
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There's an Asian guy, a black guy, a Mexican guy, a white guy, and a fence.
Each one has to find a way past the fence and there's no way around it.
The black guy digs a hole under the fence.
The Mexican guy jumps over the fence.
The Asian guy blows it up.
And the white guy uses the door. -
"The Man" wrote:
Haha, and there is no relevance for the pirate being mentioned other than the "arrrrr"! I laughed, not gonna lie.So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. After a few drinks the bartender says to the pirate "Excuse me, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replies "Arrrrrrrrrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
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SEa
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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his addiction is ruining his family.
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My wife said to me she was thinking of getting her breasts surgically made bigger. I said you dont need to go through all that ! Just wipe a tissue between them everyday . She looked at me all confused and said " how's that going to work " and I said " well it worked for you arse"
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nigringo wrote:
😹😹My wife said to me she was thinking of getting her breasts surgically made bigger. I said you dont need to go through all that ! Just wipe a tissue between them everyday . She looked at me all confused and said " how's that going to work " and I said " well it worked for you arse"
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Do you like fishdicks?
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nigringo wrote:
😹😭👍My wife said to me she was thinking of getting her breasts surgically made bigger. I said you dont need to go through all that ! Just wipe a tissue between them everyday . She looked at me all confused and said " how's that going to work " and I said " well it worked for you arse"
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So, a man was so stupid he thought a Manila folder was a philippino contortionist.
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How do you stop a baby crawling in circles?
Drive a nail into it's other hand.
(too dark?)
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Give a archiologest a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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A man and his wife are having an argument about emotions. The man is trying to convince his wife that it is impossible to feel happy and sad at the same time, while the wife disagrees. The wife says, "I can say something that I guarantee will make you feel happy and sad at the same time." The husband asks her to prove it, so the wife replies, "Out of all of your friends, you have the biggest dick."
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Tweek wrote:
Oh.. That's just terrible... Lol funny thoA man and his wife are having an argument about emotions. The man is trying to convince his wife that it is impossible to feel happy and sad at the same time, while the wife disagrees. The wife says, "I can say something that I guarantee will make you feel happy and sad at the same time." The husband asks her to prove it, so the wife replies, "Out of all of your friends, you have the biggest dick."
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bones73 wrote:
No it's actually funny!! :)Tweek wrote:
Oh.. That's just terrible... Lol funny thoA man and his wife are having an argument about emotions. The man is trying to convince his wife that it is impossible to feel happy and sad at the same time, while the wife disagrees. The wife says, "I can say something that I guarantee will make you feel happy and sad at the same time." The husband asks her to prove it, so the wife replies, "Out of all of your friends, you have the biggest dick."
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The police respond to a call of two teenage kids messing around in a back alley. When the cops arrive, they find one drinking battery acid and the other eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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There were three ducks in a pond and a man was walking by, he saw the first duck and said hey, what r u doing? The duck goes, "I'm blowing bubbles". The man then goes okay.. Then he goes to the next duck and asks what are u doing? The duck goes I'm blowing bubbles. The man goes, uh okay then, he then goes to the last duck and asks r u blowing bubbles too? The duck goes no.. I am bubbles!
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How can u tell when an auto mechanic just had sex...
One of his fingers are clean
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What does a dildo and soybeans have in common?
They r both used as substitutes for meat
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Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: She gaged.
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A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" The next day the husband comes home and the plumbing is fixed. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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One more then I'm done lol. What do u call a 100 year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle whip
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One day heaven got filled up with too many ppl and the st. That let everyone in decided to let only ppl who had a really bad day the last day of their life to get in. A man had a wife and a newly born daughter believed his wife was cheating on him. He came home earlier than usual one day determined he would find the culprit. He looked all over and went on the deck and found someone hanging by his fingertips. They live on the 25th floor by the way. He went back inside and got a hammer and started smashing his fingers. As the victim fell he landed in the bushes and he was still alive. Determined to kill him he went back inside and dropped the refrigerator on him. Because of the strain of the act I died.
The st. Decided he would enjoy this job and let him in. -
The next guy in line told his story. The st. Asked how did you die and the man replied, ok on the 26th floor of my balcony I was practicing for my gymnastics tournament. I lost my balance and fell managing to catch the next balcony with my fingertips. A couple minutes later some maniac comes out and starts hitting me with a hammer. I fell in some bushes saving my life. Then the idiot drops a refrigerator on me!
The st. Agreed this was a horrible day for the man indeed.
The 3rd man in line was asked how he died and replied, ok picture me inside of a refrigerator naked... -
1:Knock knock.
2:Who's there?
1:Go fuck yourself. -
Q: A women is walking to get water, and all of a sudden a tree falls on her! Does anyone here her scream?
A: the real question is, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?
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