Jokes Pleez!
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Lord Vader…
You have just overthrown the Republic, killed your wife, and have destroyed the Jedi. What are you doing next?
Im going to Disneyworld
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🔰ℬཞüęℵǿཞ🔰 wrote:
AaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahhaahhaI was quite surprised when my lesbian neighbors have me a Rolex for my birthday...
They asked me what I wanted, but I guess they didn't understand when I said "I wanna watch" -
Daddy, if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it did it make a sound?
I dont know son, if there is a rape in the woods and no one sees it, is it really a rape?
I dont like camping with you daddy
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🐰🐰🐰😼I like BUNNIES😼🐰🐰🐰
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ℛօɴժǫ wrote:
😂😂😨Daddy, if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it did it make a sound?
I dont know son, if there is a rape in the woods and no one sees it, is it really a rape?
I dont like camping with you daddy
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Do you reckon they called the 'Saw' films saw so that people would say:
"Did you see saw?"
"Yeah I saw Saw."
"Did you see Saw 2?"
"I saw Saw 2 too"
"Did you see Saw 3?"
"No but I saw Saw 4"
"What did you see Saw 4 before you saw Saw 3 for?"
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The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
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💗Swagger💗 wrote:
I did not see Saw.Do you reckon they called the 'Saw' films saw so that people would say:
"Did you see saw?"
"Yeah I saw Saw."
"Did you see Saw 2?"
"I saw Saw 2 too"
"Did you see Saw 3?"
"No but I saw Saw 4"
"What did you see Saw 4 before you saw Saw 3 for?"
I teeter tottered. -
It was my six-year-old sons birthday yesterday so I decided to take 4 of his friends to McDonald's and then bowling.
They had a great time, he would've loved it.
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So the Chinese have banned Pigeons in case they are used to spread propaganda..
They were afraid that they may be planning a coo
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sadsam really takes the cake. Best jokes ever. Love them. 😹
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A man phones his boss and says I cant come into work today as my wife cant iron my shirt or make me breakfast because she is sick..
The boss replies thats no excuse.....
To which the man responds thats what I said.....
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I was down the pub and I asked the barman, "Why did bars stop serving complimentary bowls of nuts?"
He said, "Apparently, scientists were finding traces of piss in them."
"Oh, we wouldn't want to be consuming piss now, would we?"
Then I began sipping my Carlsberg.
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Everybody keeps going on about this double dip recession.
Haven't we got bigger problems than a shortage of sherbet.
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When i found out my microwave wasn't waterproof
I was shocked
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What's the best part of sex with a transvestite?
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.
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Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious", she replies. "I want it four times in the rocking chair!"
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In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
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You know America's music industry is going down when the #1 song is from Korea
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A gorgeous young woman was lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor prior to being taken down to the operating room. A young man in a white coat came over, lifted the sheet and looked at her naked body before discussing his findings with two other men in white coats. Then the second man lifted up the sheet to examine her. But when the third man came over and lifted the sheet, the young woman lost her temper.
"Are these examinations absolutely nessicary?!", she demanded."I've no idea," said the man. "We're here to paint the Ceiling."
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Rondo, for the love of hilarity, find a better joke book
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Q: what did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: *muffled gagging noise*
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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
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How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. When the bulb goes, they just replace the house.
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Safety matches are so clever.
It's such a comfort knowing that my children won't be able to light them unless they somehow manage to find the box that they're stored in.
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What's safer?
A room with 3 lions that haven't been feed for 3 years.
A room with 3 man eating chetas
Or a room full of tree snakes. -
An Irishman walks out of a bar...
No, Really.
It can happen.
🍻 -
Aussie Hell wrote:
The lions..... They are dead after not been feed for 3 yearsWhat's safer?
A room with 3 lions that haven't been feed for 3 years.
A room with 3 man eating chetas
Or a room full of tree snakes. -
"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me.
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The wife woke me in the middle of the night and said "Can you hear a noise?"
"Yes." I said "It sounds like some sort of trumpet."
"Oh no! We've got buglers!"
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