Turf War one giant dysfunctional family
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Second cousin/wife Addi (yea I know right) shows up to be life of the party. Usually is just one of the guys until a couple of 🍻 then starts groaping everyone in site. Tries to light her 💩💨s on the camp🔥 and bought a tiny tube of red lipstick to leave her signature on everything 💋💋💋
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Uncle Atla- a somewhat quiet family member but one of the founding members of the Association of Trail Lawyers of America has a critical roll as the families consigliere and is the primary source for bail bonds. He also ejoys pistachio pudding.
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Hmm, seems I've analysed a few family 'members' and also done myself (sad that lol)!
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YOU wrote:
Grandpa mr71vwbus- lives in the old hippy days and cant seem to let them go, only owns one vehicle which is his vw bus, it is very fun to ruled in though because of the hookahs and hookers.Cousin Grimm- the cousin I'm always getting into fights with.
Older brother bruenor- the bad ass older brother.
Uncle belial- the uncle that I'm always getting in arguments with.
Aunt Raikou- the aunt that picks on me, but is cool most of the time.
Uncle Fat Raymond- the bad ass uncle who always does cool stuff, but eats all the food at thanksgiving dinner.
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Cousin Degradable Z- the cousin I'm always getting into arguments with and making fun of but I mean well.
And uncle Greenmanxphile- the super cool bad ass uncle who always has cool stories to tell and is always enjoyable to be around. Also he doesn't need an invitation to family outing's he already knows he's always invited -
The Great Uncle Man--everybody loves him and wishes he'd come but never does because he doesn't fly.
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⌖🔥💃Johnny O💃🔥⌖ wrote:
"cousin" Johnny O; although there is no blood relation, he became family during one of his famous Starbucks episodes. Evidently his hair had gotten in the way of his vision and he thought he was at duncan donuts. Upon the realization he was actually in a Starbucks, he cut his hair and burnt the place down. And that is how gas day started (or at least that is HIS version of the truth!)😜💇🔥Cousin The Telfon Don - usually shows up in a beat up bus from the 70s packed with cult followers. Typically we pass on the Kool aide but he makes a outstanding pan brownies
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♨CRACKA wrote:
shadowking wrote:
Lol you bastard - no cologne tho- ALL MAN!!Uncle cracka- once got arrested for making a left turn in a small town. Always smells like brut cologne and cheap reefer, but a blast at parties. Once took first place in the international schnitzel eating contest.
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Free Mason-
The friendly neighbor that will cut you grass and water your plants when you are down with the flu and can't get out of bed. -
Neighbor tech9 and Vishnu--the little evil brothers who start a food fight with everyone even though they aren't from the family they are always invited because they bring somewhat fun to the family reunion usually are always first to leave the party because they get stomach sick of all the food they eat!
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mr71vwbus wrote:
Arg, you stole my line! I was going to say:⌖🔥💃Johnny O💃🔥⌖ wrote:
"cousin" Johnny O; although there is no blood relation, he became family during one of his famous Starbucks episodes. Evidently his hair had gotten in the way of his vision and he thought he was at duncan donuts. Upon the realization he was actually in a Starbucks, he cut his hair and burnt the place down. And that is how gas day started (or at least that is HIS version of the truth!)😜💇🔥Cousin The Telfon Don - usually shows up in a beat up bus from the 70s packed with cult followers. Typically we pass on the Kool aide but he makes a outstanding pan brownies
Older brother Johnny - was once caught drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee in the back of a Starbucks Cafe contemplating on if he should cut his hair, or let it grow. 💇
Yours is better tho lol
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Queen Nicole wrote:
Bahahahaha, you're great.Bella- the cousin you ditch the family and go chug some beers in the woods with. A blast and a half, you always look forward to the random times your paths cross, even if you always get in trouble.
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Doc Xray wrote:
😂😂😂pricelessAunt MoMo - the rich bitch that divorced well. She refuses to attend all the family reunions because she's convinced that poor is contagious.
Cousin Gabby - the gullible cousin. Believes anything, even after the ExLax incident.
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•CANDO• wrote:
Uncle Cando---always got tons of stories to tell you, good ones too, but hes gotta whisper cause if mom and dad hear there might be some trouble lol. Not afraid to pick a controller and kick your ass in some video games too.Cousin Duair...the young M.V.P. of some kind of Canadian sport. Always reaching out to the family on the off season, he usually comes around with the coolest tech. gadgets.
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Uncle mickey Dunn- the one you thought was really cool when you were growing up, because he said he could kick anyones ass. Not even his twin smokemonster disagreed with this. He then got married to someone you don't really like because she never gives you a presant on your birthday.
Mystery- your wise old grandmother who seems to know everything and never forgets. She seams near her retirement but you don't want her to retire and has brilliant stories about caping inactives.😉
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ʗℝ₳ℤㄚℝㅌⅆℕⅇʗҜ wrote:
💩💨🔥Second cousin/wife Addi (yea I know right) shows up to be life of the party. Usually is just one of the guys until a couple of 🍻 then starts groaping everyone in site. Tries to light her 💩💨s on the camp🔥 and bought a tiny tube of red lipstick to leave her signature on everything 💋💋💋
Hey baby, give me some suga'. 💋
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Heh, mystery has been called a grandmother 3 times.
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ℬeƖƖɑIƗɑƖiɑɳɑ wrote:
😂😂😂Heh, mystery has been called a grandmother 3 times.
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Uncle Viper- no matter how many times you ask, I'm not going to sit on your lap.
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Dog Lego- The unofficial family dog, flea ridden and thin. He has been kicked off the doorstep a few times and driven off with a broom, but he keeps coming back. Currently, actions are being taken to put this mutt to sleep.
[Metaphorical, no offense to the dogs in the world] -
Mr Bloody Doom wrote:
But when you dig deeper he never actually served and before he cut his draft card, he used it to snort lines of coke while on an acid trip.BrassFlamingo, the crazy old grandpa asking stupid question and thinks he won the "War".
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Ϯµཞƒ💀ℒøཞÐ wrote:
😄Dog Lego- The unofficial family dog, flea ridden and thin. He has been kicked off the doorstep a few times and driven off with a broom, but he keeps coming back. Currently, actions are being taken to put this mutt to sleep.
[Metaphorical, no offense to the dogs in the world] -
Mr Bloody Doom wrote:
Haha, now I need a spot in the family reunion.Hyena wrote:
Thabks hyena!!!😊Mr Bloody Doom wrote:
You don't get it. Those done (as you put it) have done something.....Dummmeee!!!Soneone else than turf lord👊
Mr Bloody Doom, the toddler screaming for attention the entire reunion. Dressed in his favorite super villain outfit we can't work out who the parents are and no one admits to owning him.
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Ϯµཞƒ💀ℒøཞÐ wrote:
So do I lolMr Bloody Doom wrote:
Haha, now I need a spot in the family reunion.Hyena wrote:
Thabks hyena!!!😊Mr Bloody Doom wrote:
You don't get it. Those done (as you put it) have done something.....Dummmeee!!!Soneone else than turf lord👊
Mr Bloody Doom, the toddler screaming for attention the entire reunion. Dressed in his favorite super villain outfit we can't work out who the parents are and no one admits to owning him.
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johnny o is the quintessential dirty uncle. only he'll look but won't touch. but he will buy you a hooker if you're 28 and haven't lost your virginity.
Bella is the sister-in-law you got drunk with and fucked while her husband was at Lake Tahoe having a bro weekend with the guys from the firm. The husband never found out but sometimes the family wonders why you're so affectionate at thanksgiving and you're pretty sure that vibrating facial massager she gave you for Xmas was meant to massage something else...
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Mr Bloody Doom wrote:
😳 is that the mother that named you bloody doom? *snigger*UnknownAssassin wrote:
Just read the entire thing...Meanie!!!My parents are...MOM?WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME WITH A STICK?YOU DON'T WANT I WRITE YOUR NAME?ok...😢Ϯµཞƒ💀ℒøཞÐ wrote:
SnipMr Bloody Doom wrote:
Haha, now I need a spot in the family reunion.Hyena wrote:
Thabks hyena!!!😊Mr Bloody Doom wrote:
You don't get it. Those done (as you put it) have done something.....Dummmeee!!!Soneonelse than turf lord👊
Mr Bloody Doom, the toddler screaming for attention the entire reunion. Dressed in his favorite super villain outfit we can't work out who the parents are and no one admits to owning him.
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🐱 mama tek wrote:
Uncle Johnny O- the guy who always has that extra cup of coffee for times like these when you just spit yours thru your nose.johnny o is the quintessential dirty uncle. only he'll look but won't touch. but he will buy you a hooker if you're 28 and haven't lost your virginity.
Bella is the sister-in-law you got drunk with and fucked while her husband was at Lake Tahoe having a bro weekend with the guys from the firm. The husband never found out...
Cousin Saba- cool guy who just winks and whispers "wanna see the video, it was awesome"
Great uncle Groucho- the wise old uncle who's seen it all and wisely suggests it wasn't cheating on her hubbie cuz he doesn't know.
Half brother Big Jake- fresh off the farm, always wiping coffee from his shirt when Mama Tek shows up. -
Unknown Assassin: the distant cousin you never see, UA usually sends over large cash sums to make up for him not visiting. From what you've heard, he's calm, reasonable, and has a job that pays well. Though no one will ever discuss what that job is…
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Tweek - first cousin, now removed. He was always the one cussing out whoever took the last of the pie. Telling dirty jokes at the kids table and taking the adults for their change at the family poker game after dinner. Decided he didn't wanna be part of the family after an unknown disagreement. Rode off into the sunset with a toast and a smile.......gonna miss that foul mouthed s.o.b.! 😔
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OneThumbBastard wrote:
I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moments gone.mr71vwbus wrote:
We all are gonna miss that s.o.b.Tweek - first cousin, now removed. He was always the one cussing out whoever took the last of the pie. Telling dirty jokes at the kids table and taking the adults for their change at the family poker game after dinner. Decided he didn't wanna be part of the family after an unknown disagreement. Rode off into the sunset with a toast and a smile.......gonna miss that foul mouthed s.o.b.! 😔
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🎸₩℣ӈɪƖƖßıƖƖγ🎸 wrote:
This made me laugh, the virtually cry.OneThumbBastard wrote:
I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moments gone.mr71vwbus wrote:
We all are gonna miss that s.o.b.Tweek - first cousin, now removed. He was always the one cussing out whoever took the last of the pie. Telling dirty jokes at the kids table and taking the adults for their change at the family poker game after dinner. Decided he didn't wanna be part of the family after an unknown disagreement. Rode off into the sunset with a toast and a smile.......gonna miss that foul mouthed s.o.b.! 😔
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