⚡The magical mind of Badbean⚡
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2: Miller64, you just made it exponentially harder to spot hardcore drunks. Usually, you can spot a drunk by the beach ball protruding from their waist up, but noooo, you had to make a beer that has 3x less calories than most liquidy alcholic beverages. We need to remedy this situation. I say boycott these light beers! Make a law that states if you drink Miller 64 you also have to eat a cup of lard as well to make up the calorie difference. Or better yet, put a chemical in all beer that makes people who drink 10+ a night every night turn green to represent their drunkenness( yes it was a shot at the Irish what of it?!?). Better yet if you buy miller 64 you get a complimentary training bra with it, learn to hold your liquor and your calories!
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👊࿈Ᏸลอ🔥Ᏸεαη࿈👊 wrote:
Okay, honestly, I have a better plan. This one is good, but mine is much much more detailed and more likely to work. I have spent 3 years comin up with my master plan that will unite the world under one leader, that I will control. I actually plan to put into action.First, screw being elected, that's a popularity contest I am meant to rule; I'm staging a military coup. I shall start a rumor that the US military is changing their uniforms to hot pink, this will cause an uproar which I will take advantage of by creating the Militarymen for All Black Badass Looking Uniforms Party(MABBLUP). Surely, all soldiers will join me and I will seize power through sheer military might. Muhahahaha it is full proof.
You all are helpless against me. Me and my genius will rule the world (I know it's narcissistic, but it's also true and I'm completely serious. -
(I was kidding about yours being a good plan, but not about mine... Muahahaha)
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They approve of this thread and find it amusing...
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👏 bravo!
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I think I need to get my word limit increased. Splitting my rants into 2 and sometimes 3 posts Is such a drag. Therefore, I am starting the Turfers Under Restrains Due to Totals( TURDS). We TURDS will rally for one thing only, the increase of Badbeans word limit from 1k- 3k+ words. That's way the full awesomeness in a story can be contained in one post. At the rate I'm going one rant could past 5 posts and that is just inconvientent! We are not word slaves! We will not have the oppressive chains of a word limit keep us from rising up to new heights of literary knowledge. If we band together, we can help me be a better storyteller, benefitting all of TW for years to come. ARE YOU WITH ME!?!?
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YOU wrote:
Damn autocorrect ruining my point! It is Turfers Under Restraint Due to Satchels!I think I need to get my word limit increased. Splitting my rants into 2 and sometimes 3 posts Is such a drag. Therefore, I am starting the Turfers Under Restrains Due to Totals( TURDS). We TURDS will rally for one thing only, the increase of Badbeans word limit from 1k- 3k+ words. That's way the full awesomeness in a story can be contained in one post. At the rate I'm going one rant could past 5 posts and that is just inconvientent! We are not word slaves! We will not have the oppressive chains of a word limit keep us from rising up to new heights of literary knowledge. If we band together, we can help me be a better storyteller, benefitting all of TW for years to come. ARE YOU WITH ME!?!?
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👊࿈Ᏸลอ🔥Ᏸεαη࿈👊 wrote:
I am with you!!!I think I need to get my word limit increased. Splitting my rants into 2 and sometimes 3 posts Is such a drag. Therefore, I am starting the Turfers Under Restrains Due to Totals( TURDS). We TURDS will rally for one thing only, the increase of Badbeans word limit from 1k- 3k+ words. That's way the full awesomeness in a story can be contained in one post. At the rate I'm going one rant could past 5 posts and that is just inconvientent! We are not word slaves! We will not have the oppressive chains of a word limit keep us from rising up to new heights of literary knowledge. If we band together, we can help me be a better storyteller, benefitting all of TW for years to come. ARE YOU WITH ME!?!?
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Woot this thread got to 100 posts this is a momentous occasion, especially considering I posted 55/100 of the posts lol, and definitely 80% of the words used. This thread now amounts to a shirt story I bet. It takes me 20-30 minutes to read through it which is awesome. Id like to thank all of you who have read the whole thing because with the data you've downloaded to read this you could've:
Downloaded a strategy app
Watched the climax of a porn video
Watched2.76875 secs of Bohemian Rhapsody
Pressed a button that destroyed the world!
Played 1/10 sec of infinity blade.
And with the time you've taken up you could've:
Masturbated 1-2 times
Killed Oj Simpsons wife
Searched unsuccessfully for Bigfoot
Bought a goldfish, then forget to feed the goldfish resulting in its death
Shot a cop
Played with fire
Launched into space
Ate a delicious lunch
Watched the trailers for a movie
And many many more!
In other words thanks for the support! And I intend on doing this for some time! -
Anorexia, why in the hell does this exist. Food is one of literally 3 things you need in life, and anorexics refuse to eat it. And why does this only happen in countries where there is plenty of food. I could understand being forced to be anorexic because of lack of food, but anorexics only live in first world countries, where there is plenty of good food. Being anorexic is like refusing to breath. You can't do it for long and you look stupid in the process. Just eat. You are like 6 ft 5in and 85 pounds. That can't be healthy. Your head takes up 8 of that but in anorexics case it might be 7 because they are idiots. And to those that call it a disease, you are wrong. The person brought it on themselves, and should be able to stop themselves, but they can't cuz they are afraid to get fat. Honestly you could stand to gain some pounds, you look like if a breeze blew by you'd float away.
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I'm am totally stealing yalls Identities. I know some of yalls names, birthdays, ages, moms name, family pets name, email(through pal), sex, sexual preferences, significant others name, income, and much more. All I need to do now is make a thread called what's your favorite combination of 9 numbers in a 4-2-3 pattern and I'd be set. Seriously, y'all give too much information. I even know your general location if your stupid enough to use the words home base, house, central, or #1 on a turf name. I'm totally gonna stalk one of you. Just to prove a point. Maybe steal a couple million from H@VOC, he could stand to lose some money. I try my best not to give too much information out. That reminds me of that movie Bourne identity.
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It doesn't pertain to this situation but it was badass. I mean Matt Damon is a G. However, he doesn't have anything on Morgan Freeman. Morgan freeman has been in every position of the army, God, a golf teacher, an inmate, and pretty much anything you could think of. He could totally steal Barack Obamas I density if he wanted to. He'd just need that face changing machine from Face/Off. Nicholas Cage is crazy. But nobody is as crazy as my favorite actor Christopher Walken. He is legitimately insane. And he is the funniest non cast member of SNL.
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👊࿈Ᏸลอ🔥Ᏸεαη࿈👊 wrote:
I have a fever...It doesn't pertain to this situation but it was badass. I mean Matt Damon is a G. However, he doesn't have anything on Morgan Freeman. Morgan freeman has been in every position of the army, God, a golf teacher, an inmate, and pretty much anything you could think of. He could totally steal Barack Obamas I density if he wanted to. He'd just need that face changing machine from Face/Off. Nicholas Cage is crazy. But nobody is as crazy as my favorite actor Christopher Walken. He is legitimately insane. And he is the funniest non cast member of SNL.
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tonytlj wrote:
Mmmm... Cowbell.👊࿈Ᏸลอ🔥Ᏸεαη࿈👊 wrote:
I have a fever...It doesn't pertain to this situation but it ....
Anyways in about 1 hr and 30 mins I'm going to give my longest rant ever. I'm thinking it will be about 10-15 pages long and its a couple of thoughts I've had for awhile strung together. It WILL be entertaining. Tune in and give live commentary as I proceed to blow your funny box off out of its projorative socks. -
I think don't ask don't tell is the stupidest law that ever existed. What the hell is my country afraid that LGBT people are going to do? Redecorate(sorry, I just had to make the joke). I think anyone should have the right to die for their country if they want. Personally, I never want to enter the army(much respect to those that do), so the more people between me and the draft, the better. I know gay guys who are way more qualified for service than most straight men who enter the service. Same goes for you ladies. Also, why can't a women take combat roles? If you ask me, a woman with a gun is scarier than any man with any weapon. Mainly, because they are so volatile. Think of the pissibilities! You could have an all women combat force that specifically operates 5-7 days out of every month. Their effectiveness would skyrocket on those days. Ima pitch this to a general. This idea has merit.
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Anyways, I think everyone should have equal rights, but only as long as I can make fun of that group equally. You don't see outrage when any comedian makes fun of any white official, but as soon as somebody makes a Sarah Palin joke, he is a sexist, or make a radiation joke 2 days after the Japanese tsunami and your insensitive(yup I did it, and it was in front of a class, during a project presentation, my teacher got angry, but that's beside the point). I think everyone should start at a clean slate and them as you do shitty things you start to get shitty treatment, until you prove you changed. Such as:
If you get DUI, no alcholhal for a year for you. If your going to act like a baby ima treat you like a baby. -
If you steal from somebody, you have to tell the owner of any company you regularly buy from that you stole.
Now, if you murder, rape, or molest children, you should be put in a special division of the army that always is in the front and only fights with a pistol. You will wear a shirt that says in English and in the native language that you are fighting, "I am the scum of my nation, shoot at me" and if you manage to survive for 4 years in that division you earn your freedom. -
And then after that you still have to wear the shirt every weekend. It may sound cruel, but I'm of the opinion that, "you don't start none, there won't be none." that's how I live my life. It's saved me many a times when I wanted to punch an idiotic person in the face, but as a child I was small so I figured they'd hit back and harder so I didn't. It is not being a coward, it is being strategic. Really letting them live is more punishment than killing them, let them languish in there own stupidity! Buhahaha. Sorry, I can't start that again, I don't want a repeat of last June. Anyways, I may not always have the best opinions in your eyes, but to me I always do. Which is why I'm writing this, most people may not want to write what's on their mind for fear of what other people think, I don't give a damn. Plus I'm not an idiot so most of my opinions make sense. Like my opinion that I want a zombie proofed house.
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Now I may know that zombies will likely never attack me, but why take the chance? Plus, my children one day will have the cool dad who is also slightly paranoid. Think of the possible applications of a zombie proof house! You could play baseball without worrying about breaking the glass. You could sleep safely knowing no robber would think to rob a house with 50 cal auto trading machine guns on the roof. My kid's slumber parties would be pretty badass. That reminds me if the pillow forts I used to make. I seriously used to use duct tape to keep them together, that pussed mom off. If my sis tried to knock it down shed just sink into the pillow. Did any of you have that sibling that would destroy anything impressive you made out if jealousy. She was that monster. And I justifiably used to tackle her and make her apologize while shoving her face into the carpet( I'm 5 she's 4 at the time).
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Then she'd go to my parents crying and I'd try to explain why my actions were justified, but they'd always take her side even if I was right and say the worst thing a parent could say to an older child, "you know better." Fuck that, bitch shoulda known better than to knock down my Lego tower. I took 2 hours to make that and in an instant it was gone. Then we'd both be sent to our rooms and shed sit in the doorway crying while I chilled I my bed(separate rooms but I could hear her) and shed get out early because she was cuter. There is no justice. This happened like 57 times in my childhood and she is now spoiled because of it. I really can't describe the feeling of desperation that you get when you know she's running away to tell on you. I can only describe it with something that happened to me in like 3rd grade.
Okay so I'm like 8-9 and sick and I have absolutely no business being in school right now. I had like a 102ish fever and had been vomiting all throughout the night. -
But it was extravaganza day( a day devoted to the good behavior you had for the previous 6 six week period, that usually resulted in a cool play balloon thing coming, a movie, or a field trip and I wasn't having not going. So I went to school that hot day( important) and then ate pizza and played on the balloon thingy(i don't know what the fuck they are called). Now, after all that the call of nature came. I after argument with my teacher(she never liked to let people go to the restroom), rushed away to the other end of the school. All the time im think I'm not going to make it(worst thing that could happen to a 3rd grader, since the 2nd grade grace period for accidents is now over). Anyways, I made it to the restroom and after wiping the seat(I don't know about y'all but even at that age I didn't feel comfortable sitting in other peoples piss, so I took the risk to wipe before I sat)I sat down to a new sensation. I had to throw up.
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Okay, let's go to my third grade mind for the play by play on this one. What am I going to do, I have to go at both ends! If I puke on the floor the custodian is going to think, " why the hell did this kid not go in the toilet" and if I do it the other way he is going to think I'm crazy. And I don't want to go to special Ed, my friend went to special Ed for a day when he threw the class pet at that girl and he wasn't the same since. Now it is decision making time, and this is the desperation I was referring to earlier. For your sake I'll skip the gory details, and I'll say I threw up on the ground, in front of the toilet. And went to the custodian and then stupidly explained exactly what went down in there.
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Holy shit, he must have had a story to tell his family that night. It is basicly the worst thing that can possibly happen to a person on the toilet barring being attacked by a rabid monkey. Oh that reminds me that at the new school we moved into two years ago had a broken toilet valve. Everytime, you'd flush the toilet a jet of water would shoot out of the back. I swear if anyone ever gave a courtesy flush during that period when it was broken they would've gotten soaked bad. It would've been me to do it too had I not felt like being awesome that day and got up and drop kicked the lever to flush(I don't know about y'all but that is the second funniest thing to do in the bathroom). So all that happened to me is I got my shoe wet.
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I hate being asked to do something by my dad. It always starts well, Im doing my thing getting stuff done, then he comes in and everything goes to chaos. I'm not doing it right, or your going too slow or your going to screw it up. This always follows by him picking up the task and doing it for me. I try to protest but he says that he is only doing a couple things. Fuck that, you asked me to do something, let me do it, in my own way, it'll get done nonetheless. It's like going to a restaurant and going into the kitchen and criticizing the chef and getting the food yourself. You just defeated the purpose of having me do something and you wasted my time. That's not right. There is no justice.
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He also got pissed at my dog for sitting in the corner if the kitchen minding his own business. It reminded of the ASPCA commercial with the sad music and injured dogs. I know this situation doesn't compare but whatever I felt my dog was unjustly being attacked. That commercial is a bitch, it's 2am and I'm watching comedy central, I don't want to cry ASPCA. I want to enjoy my Dave chapelle in peace. So go back to the annoying girls gone wild commercials. At least those looked nice. I've noticed the more I see comedy central, the funnier I become. I must eat Stephen colberts brain to gain his comedic genius.
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And now: a contemporary tune set to classical words.
Here is: I appear physically impressive and I'm aware of the fact:Yeah, yeah
When I stroll down the way, the females exclamation that exquisite in gray
I gestulate to the rhythm, strutting on the pavement dripping in my snake venom, yeah
This is how I appear, taxidermy slacks, ladies begin to tear,
It's Badbean with the overly sized stem
And similar to Betoveen I'm very grimAh... Females gaze upon my physique [x3]
Ah... I do physical excercises bidaily
Ah... Females gaze upon my physique [x3]
Ah... I do physical excercises bidailyWhen I step upon the premises (yeah), this is what I look upon (ok)
Everybody pauses and they are peering toward me
I have a pulsation in my drawers and I am not afraid to expose it, expose it, expose it, expose it.I appear physically impressive and I'm aware of the fact[2x]
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Yeah
When I have arrive at the flea market, spearmen just can not keep their shit
And when I am at the coastal areas, I'm in scandolous knee high shorts trying to darken my corneas (what)
This is how I spin, come on ladies it is the appropriate time to din
We are headed to the distillery , young lady do not be nervous
No polo, no khakis, and I still get serviced (watch)Ah... Females gaze upon my physique [x3]
Ah... I do physical excercises bidaily
Ah... Females gaze upon my physique [x3]
Ah... I do physical excercises bidailyWhen I step upon the premises (yeah), this is what I look upon (ok)
Everybody pauses and they are peering toward me
I have a pulsation in my drawers and I am not afraid to expose it, expose it, expose it, expose it. -
I appear physically impressive and I'm aware of the fact[x2]
Gaze upon this [x2]
To and fro, to and fro, to and fro, to and fro, to and fro, that's it [x3]
To and fro , to and fro, to and fro, to and fro, to and fro that's it!
Move it to and fro man
I move it to and fro man
Yeah
I appear physically impressive and I'm aware of the factAh... Females gaze upon my physique [x3]
Ah... I do physical excercises bidaily
Ah... Females gaze upon my physique [x3]
Ah... I do physical excercises bidailyI appear physically impressive and I'm aware of the fact[2x]
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I just re read all of my posts and realized I'm either borderline schizophrenic, have ADHD, or I am a narcissistic genius who is a tad eccentric. You know where my vote lies. What is yours?
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I think you're a genius, and you've made my day numerous times.
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