TurfHuggers Anonymous
Forums › General Discussion › TurfHuggers Anonymous-
Hi. My name is Jim Dirt and I'm a turfhugger. It's been 6 months since I showed any form of restraint or mercy.
Ok, for all you new people, this is the part where you all chime in "Hi Jim!"
The techs over at Dirty Bastard Labs have finally determined that this phenomenon known as "TurfHugging" is actually an addiction. As those of us that have suffered with it know, it is no laughing matter. When it had it's grip over me, I found myself unable to see the difference between turfwars and farmville. I lost my way and I lost my self respect.
This disease is widespread. Nowhere is it more prominently displayed than in the Vendetta Recruitment forum. Take a moment and look. All desperate cries for help. "I have 8 trillion guns. let me help you" Pathetic isn't it? Too afraid to use their guns without wrapping it pacifism. These people used to be mobsters. Not afraid to pull out a tommy gun if the clerk at the 7-11 gave them the wrong change. Now look at them. Mere shadows of their former selves.
-
But you know it's not hopeless. TurfHuggers Anonymous can help you restore yourself and get your life back in order.
Now what would a 12 step program be without 12 steps? Ok here they are broken into two or more posts:
-
1. We admitted we were powerless over pacifism - that our mob lives had become unmanageable, unproductive and boring.
2. Came to believe a power greater than ourselves (the AR-15) could restore us to depravity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to complete chaos and mayhem.
4. Did some deep soul searching to get in touch with the reckless, immoral mobster that we used to be.
5. Admitted to our mistress, our mother and a priest the exact nature of our tendency to show mercy and restraint. Then we iced them so they won’t tell anyone else.
6. Were entirely ready to use our AR-15s, carbombs and cement shoes to remove these defects of character. -
7. Humbly asked our ammo provider for more ammo. Then threatened him. (important: do this AFTER he gives you the ammo)
8. Made a list of all persons we had helped, and became willing to hunt them down and do them all in...and their family... and their pets.
9. Made direct attacks on such people wherever possible, especially when to do so would injure them and take out several blocks around them. Otherwise we just send carbombs.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we went soft, we promptly admitted it and carbombed everyone on the planet.
11. Sought through rage and medication to improve our contact with our AR-15s, praying for an excuse to use them and the ammo to keep firing until the barrel melts.
12. Having had an epiphany as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other TurfHuggers, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. -
Obviously we will need chapters all over the world where TurfHuggers can come and share their stories. We need people in the various countries to open discussion rooms for their local mobsters. All you need is a coffee maker and some doughnuts. It's going to be rough but if we all work together we can get through this and make turf wars a place where a guy can get whacked just for breathing again.
Ok, Step 1 anyone? Who wants the floor next?
-
Oh and if anyone asks for a tissue, he gets ERed.
-
Very interesting read.....
-
\\// 👊🔨💀 wrote:
And.... Do you have anything that you want to say? Don't you miss living in a world were you had to sleep with a gun under the pillow and one eye open? Where you had to make someone else start your car for you. When you knew more names in the obituary section(cause you put em there) than the society page?Very interesting read.....
-
I'd like to sleep with a gun under my pillow.. And my iPhone on the night stand for 200 4am attacks. Jim Dirt for president?
-
Ah the 4am attacks. I remember those days.
-
My name is emperor k. I began in June, like a dumbass, and whined to everybody. I have the disease and am not afraid to admit it.
But there's hope! With this new program, I am currently threatened with a vendetta in two different cities! Thank you turfhuggers anonymous! I missed the days of having to watch my back to see if anyone was pulling out the tommies on me! -
Mr. Empire 👊🔨💀 wrote:
Thanks but I couldn't take the pay cut. If you want to honor me, pull that gun out from under your pillow and unload on the neighbors and when they ask "WTF" tell them about TurfHuggers Anonymous.I'd like to sleep with a gun under my pillow.. And my iPhone on the night stand for 200 4am attacks. Jim Dirt for president?
-
Those were the days. I encourage a good fight. A good clean fight. Capping someone out of an area for no reason, capping inactive out of an area. Stuff like that I don't like. But a War..... Over Turf..... That I like.
-
Σмקεгφг ќ wrote:
Thanks emperor. That's a brave man. If you can make it a month without relenting you earn your shoes. Anyone else?My name is emperor k. I began in June, like a dumbass, and whined to everybody. I have the disease and am not afraid to admit it.
But there's hope! With this new program, I am currently threatened with a vendetta in two different cities! Thank you turfhuggers anonymous! I missed the days of having to watch my back to see if anyone was pulling out the tommies on me! -
Jim Dirt (Add A1) wrote:
*sniff* this made me get all emotional. I love the sight of screaming neighbors in the holidays, the smell of smoke from my grenades, and 5500 tommies filling the silent night!Mr. Empire 👊🔨💀 wrote:
Thanks but I couldn't take the pay cut. If you want to honor me, pull that gun out from under your pillow and unload on the neighbors and when they ask "WTF" tell them about TurfHuggers Anonymous.I'd like to sleep with a gun under my pillow.. And my iPhone on the night stand for 200 4am attacks. Jim Dirt for president?
-
Σмקεгφг ќ wrote:
*sniff* this made me get all emotional. I love the sight of screaming neighbors in the holidays, the smell of smoke from my grenades, and 5500 tommies filling the silent night!
I know. It's sobering when you start to realize all the LIFE you have missed out on. You can't get that time back but you can change things going forward.
-
Oh we are going to need people to volunteer to be sponsors. (its a kind of mentor to the newcommers) In order to be a good sponsor you need to be stable in your depravity. Check your turf inventory. Have you capped any turf from a noob or at least someone that is barely within your 10% range? Run over a cat just because you could. Taken candy from a baby? Great! We need to hear from you. I think there are going to be a lot of people trying to work the steps. They are going to need our help.
-
\\// 👊🔨💀 wrote:
agreed. I also am not a fan of step #8. never turn on a friend. Also my neighbor is an old lady. She pays me protection. If I cap her I'm taking money out of my own pocket.Those were the days. I encourage a good fight. A good clean fight. Capping someone out of an area for no reason, capping inactive out of an area. Stuff like that I don't like. But a War..... Over Turf..... That I like.
-
I remember one day, about 5 months ago, waking up to a notification of 1100 attacks.
That was the last time I felt alive.
-
Hello my name is Reno and I was a Turfhugger. I'm glad I saw the light and I look forward to being a new Mobster.
-
ChainsawCharlie wrote:
Oh yea? Who all attacked you?I remember one day, about 5 months ago, waking up to a notification of 1100 attacks.
That was the last time I felt alive.
-
I'm pretty sure those were all putz, but you have snuck a few in in the ensuing days.
-
Hi. My name is Hearbreak Kid and my mob of 10k has been begging me to be a more active fighter and taker of turfs. I have been scared of stepping on the wrong person. I now know there is hope for me to change. And I 2nd the motion of Jim Dirt for President.
-
Hi, my name is Bella and I, too am a turfhugger. It's been a mere 5 hours since I've shown any kind of restraint to my fellow Turf Wars players. I've hit rock bottom. I don't know how I got to this point. I've always been aware of my addictive personality and my penchant for a friendly pat on the back and a warm smile, but if you'd asked me a year ago if I thought I'd be sitting here in this meeting, grasping for any chance at getting my aggressive rage back, I'd have told you that you were crazy.
I'll go through the 12 steps as the program suggests, but as an added effort, I vow to not let one stamina point go to waste for the next week (unless I'm sleeping).
-
YOU wrote:
I'm pretty sure those were all putz, but you have snuck a few in in the ensuing days.
And there was Drizzy, North Star, Page...so many. Let's just say "half of Texas" in the 20k+ that followed.
-
Bella sounds like future sponsor material to me...
-
Jim Dirt (Add A1) wrote:
Far into the future. Right now I think I need a sponsor. A few hours ago, I capped someone into the 10% safezone. Tomorrow, I shall drop 4k influence and resume this mini reign of noob terror. He's shaking in his boots, but I must stick with this for the sake of my recovery.Bella sounds like future sponsor material to me...
-
mimosa is my name and I always stopped capping a neighbor when being asked nicely. Now my stam will be my only limit.
-
.....it feels good does it not! I hope all of us can wake up, look around and say " Awwww crap, I lost some turf and now I need to smack some fools"
-
BellaItaliana wrote:
And how do you feel abou seeing him shake in his boots?Jim Dirt (Add A1) wrote:
Far into the future. Right now I think I need a sponsor. A few hours ago, I capped someone into the 10% safezone. Tomorrow, I shall drop 4k influence and resume this mini reign of noob terror. He's shaking in his boots, but I must stick with this for the sake of my recovery.Bella sounds like future sponsor material to me...
-
Yay, I wanna kick a puppy! (feels good to talk about it)
![[][]](https://turfwarsapp.com/img/app/ajax-forbutton.gif)
Purchase Respect Points NEW! · Support · Turf Map · Terms · Privacy
©2021 MeanFreePath LLC