The real AMA
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Pumping out the bilge water.The Oracle awaits .
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Democrat or Republican?
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Trauger Jogger wrote:
Squirming and the hiss of escaping gas sounds as a pair of polishits are poked out one after the other.The two represent both political parties:Democrat or Republican?
One with pulpy cracks while the other with folds of tissue. I say to you Trauger Jogger that I believe the one with the paper "shawl" shall win.Knowledge is power. -
Pass that shit homie! Damn this is hilarious, please tell me you're a writer!
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What is the design on my underwear? I need some help with this...😉
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Ex Tuh Cee wrote:
Squatting over the trough,I hath barely finished when a passerby of fair complexion noisily began feeding on the grey mash.The gulps and lip smacking drown out the answer giving. Only after this wayfarer has thoroughly licked his teeth clean can we be heard. The dribbles down his chin would suggest that you wear the paisley-print G-string,and this to be worn back to front. He said this as he fondled his own thread-bare under-carriage which denotes honesty, so I'm led to believe.What is the design on my underwear? I need some help with this...😉
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⚔ᎬᎡᎪᎽᏟ⚖ wrote:
Thanks mate. I just scrubbed off some tough bits around here and it augers well for you:Pass that shit homie! Damn this is hilarious, please tell me you're a writer!
Success in everything! -
22much4me wrote:
The author of "How to survive a lobotomy" has been removed from the area. He is currently being branded and fitted for a strait jacket, before gelding.I got a Bentley and have won £1.5 million playing poker. Will you kill for me?
He had scrawled on his "Bentley": You don't have to be crazy to play this game but it helps;problem was that he had it scrawled in his own excrement!
We don't deal in Bullshit! -
Ha ha, very well put!
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fontan75 wrote:
An angry red pud pouts after the extraction of the spigot.It was "accidentally" set to full gush.44much4me's nose was cleft and splayed open to ease the entry of the enrichment flow.His carcass will be committed to a hand made wicker basket where adipocere (grave wax) will be grown.The discharge will be kept moistened with a special nozzle attached to said basket. This crib will be used to aid the ever exact forecasting.The appendages will then be cut away and sold as cheap souvenirs but never as relics. A curio or token if you will. His mildewed skin flaps can fetch a pretty penny on the market. You,Fontan,be of good cheer for you needn't pay for you will be be bestowed a choice cut for free. Gratis! Your welcome kind sir.Ha ha, very well put!
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Breaths catch and eyes roll up into their heads as the pilgrims and seekers of truth watch the first fly land on the offering. T'is a bluebottle which augers well. It lands on the tapering tip of the meaty substance. It flew in from the right.It tongues the still quivering turd and so the planting of eggs begins.
Yes,Yes,Yes,Yes,Yes they roar and chant as one. Tomorrow will be a nice day. -
Striding into the room in a flutter of rich garments,his eyes shone like polished coals, he carried himself with consummate arrogance.Chalk blue pantaloons tied at the waist with a blood red sash and tight fitting orange silk shirt spoke of wealth. A monk's jet black hair hairstyle gave him a rakish look.His palour was one of watered down gruel. He stood and watched the proceedings with open contempt and spun away quickly with great purpose. It was only then that I spied the blossoming shit stain on his pants.
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Why did I have explosive diharehha yesterday? Was it because of that stew.... 🍲=💩
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💢ƌع℣∆ʂﾅ∆ﾅօℛ💢 wrote:
Depends entirely on how the bubbles had settled after the violent deluge. If they had agglomerated near the steaming chunky bits it is a sure fire case of fetid meat in said stew whereas if there was the presence of froth and small pieces of "shrapnel" then it was a definite case of consuming gicker-stuff which may have been served to you with loving malice and you had,no doubt, chomped down with great relish. Hope this has been of some help to you.Why did I have explosive diharehha yesterday? Was it because of that stew.... 🍲=💩
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vishbume wrote:
I am in debt to you, great wise man.💢ƌع℣∆ʂﾅ∆ﾅօℛ💢 wrote:
Depends entirely on how the bubbles had settled after the violent deluge. If they had agglomerated near the steaming chunky bits it is a sure fire case of fetid meat in said stew whereas if there was the presence of froth and small pieces of "shrapnel" then it was a definite case of consuming gicker-stuff which may have been served to you with loving malice and you had,no doubt, chomped down with great relish. Hope this has been of some help to you.Why did I have explosive diharehha yesterday? Was it because of that stew.... 🍲=💩
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.........*Special Notice*..........
A rare nugget has fallen into my hands. For your viewing, I have a Turd measuring 2x5 inches when stretched straight. It has been autographed by the Duchess de Rutt herself. It has been examined,scratched and sniffed by experts who can vouch for it's authenticity.
I took the liberty to do some checking of my own into the matter.Madam de Rutt was having a bit of tea and tiffin on the poop deck of her yacht when she was gripped by bowel spasms.She quickly made her way to the jakes without a backward glance nor a hi-de-do.
Two sailors spotted the opportunity to gain a quick buck and raced below to the boat's surgery where it was known the existence of a pipe that came from the privy. This pipe was transparent to afford de Rutt's doctor the chance to inspect her stools. -
Furtively one of these sailors entered as the other kept look out.Part of the pipe was unscrewed and not a moment too soon ,I tell you,for the plitter-platter could already be heard. The quick introduction of a small net fished out one of these ochre coils as easy as a kiss on the back of your hand.
All was put back into place and the "jimmy" was stored away safety.
Later,One of the sailors tied a little red band around it and hung it from his lips. He then asked the Duchess to sign his cigar which she happily did, thanking him all the while for his service.
So,Avail yourself of this rare chance to get intimate with the "blue bloods".
Serious offers only. -
Oh, and in case you're wondering, the Duchess de Rutt had a great voyage.
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The old man standing unobtrusively by the column.Yes,the one bedecked with billowed yellow silk pants and is bare chested.Notice how his chicken breast heaves after some effort.He pants and heaves.Yes,the one with the bright red baubled duck billed cap.No,the one with the tobacco stained beard......Come on! The cock eyed fucker with shit smeared all over his person. Ahhh, now you see him and your eyes lock. Embrace him and feel the warmth. Makes you feel all gooey inside and his caress is distinctive.....Well,don't go near him for he has got nothing to do with the proceedings.
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"Time is in constant flux.The past no longer real.You cannot bend time to your will nor singlehanded correct the disparities amongst us which incidentally would lead to a new set....,Monsters may lurk close,unnatural meanings taken from your remarks and pitfalls before you.....
So why, intrepid traveller, are there skid marks over 3 weeks old on your jocks?", questioned the launderette lady sensitively. -
"A lubed glute is a happy glute.
Well,that's one theory down the chute". -
Dear vish, my lower vocal partner whispered this morning as I slept, what it said I do not know. I grow concerned that he's trying to tell me something. Please help!
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Mr Vish, how many finlays does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
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blablabla wrote:
I can only surmise but I have an idea. You say it whispered but you couldn't make it out? Mmm.You should be concerned buddy and thank your lucky stars that we had the stall still open. Incidentally I had a case like this just the other day when a little old lady came to me in a state of agitation. Through moans,groans and hisses she managed to tell us that tha problem seemed to come from her mudflap.....Dear vish, my lower vocal partner whispered this morning as I slept, what it said I do not know. I grow concerned that he's trying to tell me something. Please help!
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So she politely turned around and we rucked up her smock to expose rather scrawny haunches.From the onlookers there were both titters and indrawn breaths for a butt-plug with a rich black satin mane had become embedded.With a mighty effort and the use of forceps,we managed to unplug the thing where it can be seen today framed in a local restaurant.
So, check to see that nothing has got sandwiched between your hams.
Regards, Vish. -
༺☣ℳཞ71ᏤཡℬüᎦ☣༻ wrote:
We are graced to have such August company visit us in our humble "mud" brick temple/emporium.Mr Vish, how many finlays does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
You pose an interesting question indeed that begs we throw a soiled sheet over theology.
A large pot of the local football team's crotch straps are stewed and later distilled into ornate crystal bottles. One of these self same bottles will then be crushed into the face of a watching onlooker,releasing sacred vapors onto his or her face.The amount of howls and screams of ecstasy are recorded carefully......
....*count in progress*....... -
Before he finally collapsed, we had counted 57 ( though my colleague assures me that the number hadn't reached 21).
So Mr.VW mate, it would take between 30 to 46 Finlays to get to the centre of a tootsie roll pop. -
We have purchased a douche bag to aid in the gathering of samples. Thought ye would be happy to here of this. It was the brilliant Benjy who had turned my head to acquiring this nifty thing.Thank you sir. We at the emporium are in your debt.
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❇乃عทزy❇ wrote:
"Douche usually refers to vaginal irrigation, the rinsing of the vagina, but it can also refer to the rinsing of any body cavity. A douche bag is a piece of equipment for douching—a bag for holding the fluid used in douching. To avoid transferring intestinal bacteria into the vagina, the same bag must not be used for an enema and a vaginal douche".Cheers Benjy.
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Oh great vish- I am standing in line, and a gurgle erupts from below. The factory needs to meet its monthly quota, but the foreman is on a cruise! What should I do?
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