The mafia diary
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🌆💀🔫GTR36🔫💀🌆 wrote:
Nope it's coming up soon actually...it's kinda bad...it left me just hopeless...I still feel like its my faultI have to know, are you two still together today?
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Wednesday:week 4:day 22
Breakfast: I need a beer sometime...I can't last much longer...I just idk I'm losing it...I can't sleep, I can't do anything anymoreLunch: idk nothing new right now...I started popping pain pills...they numb the pain...Ashley still doesn't know
Dinner: these pills..:they work...they kill the pain...I'll just lay in the corner...totally fucked...without care
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Thursday: week 4: day 23:
Breakfast: I got beer!!!! The gas station! Fuck yea! I'm gonna get fucked today!Lunch: can't wait till tonight!
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Friday: week 4: day 23:
Dinner: I'm at the hospital again...i had a overdose, the pills I took half the bottle...Ashley called my phone...I can't find her...she won't answer, I think I fucked up..I missed work, my boss prob called her, iv tried to call her..it goes straight to voice mail
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Saterday: week 4: day 24: I found out what happened to ashley...she jumped the tracks trying to get to me quickly...and train slammed into her car, I just..idk diary..I'm just dead, it's all me..I shouldn't have done it, she died getting to me..the cops walked in the room..how did I end up in the hospital, who called
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Holy shit..........
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1 month later.. Sorry I haven't wrote in a while it's a Monday... Week 8 tech...should I count it? Idk I was in lakeside for a month...my parents made me go...I tried to slice my throat in the hospital...I couldnt take it! I killed her! It's my fault! She came to see me! To find me!
IT'S ALL ME! Idk the entries may slow down diary...I'm sorry
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Tuesday: week 8: day 25 in the diary! Idk I don't feel like counting forward diary...
Breakfast: well I downed 3 beers before I wrote this...don't look at me diary...u knew what u were getting into...fuck now I'm talking to u..
Still my faultLunch: I cried for hours today...the fire Cheif called...and said he wants me to come work for him, idk if I can...im so dead
Dinner: the Cheif came to my appartment, he delivered me a uniform and everything...told me to come to work...tomorrow, I'll give it a try
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Wednesday: week 8: day 26:
Breakfast: work at the firedepartment today...idk kinda looking forward to it...I'm massively depressed, death seems like a option...Lunch: had hose training...I'm a hose man...
Dinner: wtf am I doing...I'm drinking again...I gotta work tomorrow but I don't care...I miss Ashley, I can't live without her...I feel so lost
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Fuck.
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So insperational... I tried to tell this story to my FCA members... I'm a terrible storyteller.
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Wow, she done all of that to save the man she loves, not matter if he is abusing drugs or alcohol, I'm so sorry man, I really am.
I read in another post that you had cleaned the truck and you were sitting punching codes, that means you are still a fireman, good luck in the future and if u ever need any help, then I'm here -
If yal want me to make a daily post of this...iv only got another 2 years pretty much of material
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Fuck. I didn't see that coming at all. I'm so fucking sorry. It's not your fault man. She loved you bro. That's all she was probably thinking about.
The fire chief sounds like a real good guy. -
Ꮹཞ།ཀཀ wrote:
The fire chiefs my boss today, he dragged me out of bed then in my time of need, iv had many people that have done that. Pick me up out if gutters, I was even in a river drainage area...and it flooded the day after I got outFuck. I didn't see that coming at all. I'm so fucking sorry. It's not your fault man. She loved you bro. That's all she was probably thinking about.
The fire chief sounds like a real good guy. -
Memphis mafia wrote:
That's more than awesome. Wish I had a boss like that.Ꮹཞ།ཀཀ wrote:
The fire chiefs my boss today, he dragged me out of bed then in my time of need, iv had many people that have done that. Pick me up out if gutters, I was even in a river drainage area...and it flooded the day after I got outFuck. I didn't see that coming at all. I'm so fucking sorry. It's not your fault man. She loved you bro. That's all she was probably thinking about.
The fire chief sounds like a real good guy. -
And thank u everyone!
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It's about into the ex wife days...I read forward a little last night, like I'm writing this as I read for the first time in months, yal are along for the ride, hope yal learn Something
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I myself don't remember half these feelings and what happened
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Thursday: week 8: day 27 right?
Breakfast:
U know Christmas is in a few months...idk what to do...I don't want to go to my family...why should I ruin there Christmas? I just sit in the corner and pop pills and drink alcohol right now..Lunch: I'm at work writing this, the Cheif said he wants me to keep trying, he wants me to be a paid employee, he set me up with a emt class, he said it would help me, get my mind off things and he would be able to Hire me. "iv showed potential" he says
Dinner: I'm thinking about the class...I can't afford it...he wants me to go to community collage for this class? Why would they want me there?
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Friday: week 8: day 28:
Breakfast: on my way to work I saw Christmas decorations...ha Is it the start of that?
Lunch: first fire today, that shit was amazing, it was like a drug, I loved it..
Dinner: that fire made me feel better then any drug! Or booze! I was alive!
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I'm hooked... Can't stop reading!
Ashley's accident totally caught me off guard.
Keep writing. Keep writing. -
Memphis mafia wrote:
I'm only this far through but it's very moving. Very real. I'm hoping you kept writing more...Quary wrote:
It's whatever...that prob went through my drunk mind... Anyways if yal want me to continue...send a pm or say it on here...I'll write another two weeks tomorrowHugh Jass wrote:
Shut up and show some respectWatch out! Ashley is an assassin from the future, she is just trying to get close so she can kill you!!
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This is by far one of my favorite threads in a long time. It reminds of the heroin diaries by Nikki Sixx.
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Man, again, damn. Just holy shit bro. I do believe that we are all glued to this.
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tommy dangerous wrote:
Agreed. I'm really rooting for you as I read this mm. 💗By far the most interesting thread I've seen in a while.👏👏👏👍👍👍
Keep it up. -
Mr_White wrote:
My friend introduced me to his music while I was going through this, iv met nikki Sixx in person amazing man, spot on with his music, I love his musicThis is by far one of my favorite threads in a long time. It reminds of the heroin diaries by Nikki Sixx.
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😢Ashley. RIP. Just tears my heart.
She was like an angel. Loving you when you hated yourself the most. The love. Taking you to church, cleaning your place, putting food in your fridge, weeping over your diary. An angel.
I'm sorry you lost her.
Your Chief is also my hero.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
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saelo wrote:
She was a angel, she was the first person who showed me love, taught me love, she gave me a smile I couldn't even dismiss as just the bullshit niceness people give to u, it was genuine😢Ashley. RIP. Just tears my heart.
She was like an angel. Loving you when you hated yourself the most. The love. Taking you to church, cleaning your place, putting food in your fridge, weeping over your diary. An angel.
I'm sorry you lost her.
Your Chief is also my hero.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Well it's saterday:week 8: day 29:
Breakfast: I have to call my mom and dad today, admit to them I have no regard, no care for my life, and that I let them down, I'm sorry, but I'll be 6ft under by Christmas I know it..Lunch: I went shopping for groceries, I cried in Kroger, who cries while getting milk out of the fridge at the store? I busted out crying, all that I saw in my mind was eating cereal with Ashley, she didn't need to die, if I wasn't stupid and take those pills, if I had of showed up for work...like I did everyday I never missed...or maybe if I wasn't so punctual...idk but my manager at kroger called Ashley and she went to see me..died on the way...after hearing nothing he came to my house...my Kroger boss...saved me...Fuck him...I hate him..
Dinner: I'm eating crackers again...u know iv got food..iv got a nice steak in the freezer...why am I eating this? Idk maybe it's a habit..
I called my mom today..
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