Best jokes (18+)
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A guy picks a girl up in a club for a one night stand. He takes her back to his place. He does his moves and starts to have sex with her. While he has has sex he notices her toes curl up through out it. After he is done he leans over and says "wow i must have been the beat you have ever had. I noticed your toes curl up everytime i was pushing it in". She sys "ummmm no, usually when guys have sex with me they take my stockings off first"
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DJHazzer wrote:
I always heard the version where she said I'll break it in halfIn Sunday school little Mary always fell asleep,so when the teacher asked her'what is the name of the man who died on the cross for us?' the boy behind her poked her with a needle and she cried out with pain:'jesus Christ!'the teacher said well done Mary and she fell back to sleep.when the teacher asked her 'what is the name of our lord?' the boy poked her again and she cried out:'god almighty!' and the teacher carried on.the last time the teacher asked Mary:'what did eve say to Adam after they had their 20th child?' and the boy poked her again and mary cried out:' if you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to kill you!'
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Q. Why did cavemen drag there women around by their hair..?
A. If they dragged them by their feet they would fill up with dirt...
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Three nuns were talking one sunny day in June. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines! ""
""What did you do? "" the other nuns asked. ""Well, of course I threw them in the trash,"" she replied. The second nun said, ""Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms! ""
""Oh my! "" gasped the other nuns. ""What did you do? "" they asked. ""I poked holes in all of them! "" she replied. The third nun fainted." -
Guy walks into a bar...
Sees a big black dood in the corner with a parrot on his shoulder...
So the guy walks over To him and says hey where did you get it...
The parrot swaaks out ... AFRICA...
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Q. How do you get an ugly girl pregnant...
A. Jerk off and throw it at her...
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❎❎Warning❎❎
So this guy is eating this chick out right...
He's munching away and feels something funny in his mouth...
It's a little piece if carrot...
He continues to mow down on this lil bit of trim...
Again he gets something in his mouth...
He pulls out a piece of corn...
He looks up at tge girl and says...
Are you sick or something...
No she replied...
But the guy before you was...
*ducks* *hides*
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Lady Gaga. 😺
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We are about to have a baby but my wife didnt find this as funny as I did....
Whats the best thing about having sex with a pregnant chick?
You get pussy and head at the same time.
I dont know why she didnt find that funny......
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What smells worst than vagina?
An anchovies vagina.
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2 gay guys go home to have sex. After the first ones done he goes to get a beer and finds there is none. He tells his partner not to have a wank while he is gone because when he gets back he wants him to do him. The guy goes abd gets the beer and when he arrives home finds cum all over the bed, floor and wall. He says "Man - I told you not to have a wank. I wanted you to do me". The other guy says "I didnt. I farted"
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Too many jokes.... Not enough time.
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Mr Spot wrote:
No honestly it's juicyer! I have not got a girl pregnant. I fuckd up twice n sleep with my boys girl 2 months into bein pregnat.. He doesn't even kno.. I was young dumb? drunk n she started it!We are about to have a baby but my wife didnt find this as funny as I did....
Whats the best thing about having sex with a pregnant chick?
You get pussy and head at the same time.
I dont know why she didnt find that funny......
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Why did the women cross the road? Irrelevant... Why is she out of the kitchen? (not to be sexist)
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Kid runs up to his dad and asks "dad can i have a motorbike?" . Dad replies "no you fucking can't, your not a man yet. You as thick as shit and your willy doesnt touch your bottom. When your willy touches your bottom you a man!" . Next day kid runs up to his dad and says "DAD! My willy touches my bottom" dad replies "GOOD! Now you can go and fuck yourself"
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Why has mexico never
won the olympics? Because everyone that can run jump and swim is in America. -
( my aboriginal cuz told me this so I not racist.. So don't try)
what do u call an aboriginal in a Holden? A thief
what do u call an aboriginal in a Porsche?
A good theif -
What's more painful? Period pains or being kicked in the balls? Let's ask lady gaga!
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All of you insensitive pricks putting on sick jokes about Madeline MccannThe amount of times i have to go downstairs to comfort her Get a life
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Bump! ;)
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////AMG Add:E63 wrote:
y u madAll of you insensitive pricks putting on sick jokes about Madeline MccannThe amount of times i have to go downstairs to comfort her Get a life
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Wats short. Yellow and goes 'cheap cheap'?
An Asian hooker
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Skee wrote:
Yeah I know but breaking it in half she is saying that to a boy with a needle so I didn't think it fitted that wellDJHazzer wrote:
I always heard the version where she said I'll break it in halfIn Sunday school little Mary always fell asleep,so when the teacher asked her'what is the name of the man who died on the cross for us?' the boy behind her poked her with a needle and she cried out with pain:'jesus Christ!'the teacher said well done Mary and she fell back to sleep.when the teacher asked her 'what is the name of our lord?' the boy poked her again and she cried out:'god almighty!' and the teacher carried on.the last time the teacher asked Mary:'what did eve say to Adam after they had their 20th child?' and the boy poked her again and mary cried out:' if you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to kill you!'
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There are 100 nuns having a sermon on a Saturday and the head nun (mother) says
"we found a man in one of the rooms last night"
99 nuns go 😲
1 nun goes "hi hi""we found a condom in the same room"
99 nuns go 😲
1 nun goes "hi hi""that condom was burst"
99 nuns go "hi hi"
1 nun goes😲 -
YOU wrote:
Sorry SundayThere are 100 nuns having a sermon on a Saturday and the head nun (mother) says
"we found a man in one of the rooms last night"
99 nuns go 😲
1 nun goes "hi hi""we found a condom in the same room"
99 nuns go 😲
1 nun goes "hi hi""that condom was burst"
99 nuns go "hi hi"
1 nun goes😲 -
TheKnox wrote:
Lol read what I said carefully////AMG Add:E63 wrote:
y u madAll of you insensitive pricks putting on sick jokes about Madeline MccannThe amount of times i have to go downstairs to comfort her Get a life
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Weak, Limp, Lifeless?Cheryl Cole, don't think L'oreal will help you in this situation.
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Bump :)
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Cartel Wars. LMBO!!!!
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Damn that's funny AND fucked up, it reminds me of crip keeper
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