Mr Big Cat Needs You 👇 !!!! Yes ... No open this thread
Forums › General Discussion › Mr Big Cat Needs You 👇 !!!! Yes ... No open this thread-
Day 779 - Yes, they are monsters, but I am so happy. They fixed the other cat. It's sadistic, it's sick, it's inhumane, it's what their great leader "Bob Barker" commands, but -- the Sphinx be praised -- I support it wholeheartedly!
Day 780 - Got stoned on cat nip tonight. At the height of it all, I had a vision, a hallucinogenic revelation: they are the prisoners and I am the captor! Why haven't I seen this all before?
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Nice Mrs.G.
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Lol very good mrs G... Awesome read that
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Not cat related but an animal
DOG RULES
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours. -
I remember when my brothers and I were pups, and the stories our mother used to tell us to keep us out of the forests. The one that always frightened me most went like this.
A long time ago, in a forest nearby, there lived a wicked old cat. Nobody knew what his name was, so everybody simply called him 'Grandmother'.
Grandmother lived in a small cottage, made entirely of delicious meats. Beef steaks, liver, even ox tail. The roof was made of rabbit skin, and the doorknocker was a large bone.
Now one day, a little girl pup was told to take a peace offering to Grandma. Her mother bundled up a bunch of canaries, catnip and other kitty treats, dressed the little girl pup in a red doggy coat, and told her to stay on the path and come straight home afterwards. She stressed that the little girl should not speak to Grandmother, but drop the offering and scamper home. -
As the pup trotted along the path, basket swinging merrily in her jaws, a big, bad wolf stepped out from behind a tree.
"Little girl pup," he growled, "What have you in that basket?"
She dropped the basket on the ground so she could speak, and with that, the wolf snatched it and went bounding off into the woods.
The girl pup was faced with a moral dilemma. She could go on to Grandmother's and try to explain what had happened, at risk of becoming Grandmother's dinner, or she could run home and pretend nothing was wrong. She realised that if she did that, Grandmother would likely be furious, and she knew she couldn't risk the entire family's lives to save her own.
She continued down the path, more slowly this time, until she reached Grandmother's house. She was surprised to see the basket her mother had packed lying on the ground, and a very full and contented old cat sitting next to it, licking his paws. -
Her immediate reaction was to say,
"Grandmother! What big claws you have!"
Grandmother purred and didn't say anything.
The pup continued,
"Grandmother! What big ears you have!"
Grandmother purred louder, and still said nothing.
Finally, the little girl pup said quietly,
"Grandmother, what a big stomach you have!"
Grandmother twitched his tail and looked her right in the eye before replying shortly,
"All the better to fit big, ugly, thieving wolves into!"
The little girl puppy realised she and her family was safe for the time being, and she dashed away towards home. Her flight carried her rapidly past a woodcutter, who looked at her in surprise before continuing chopping.
She never stopped running until she got home, where she told her mother the entire story.That's the story that my mother used to tell me as a pup. You see, that little girl pup grew up to be my mother.
And that, children, is why you should never go into the woods alone or mess with any cat named Grandmother. -
Lol good story 👆👍
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I really, really need to fart.
J'ai vraiment, vraiment besoin de péter.
我真的，真的需要放屁。
Ik echt, echt nodig om scheet.
Ich wirklich, wirklich brauchen, um furzen.
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Hehe. And cheers, Noah 👍👍
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Pow 👊👊👊👊 Turfa smashed back an awesome few posts!!!
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Ha this made me laugh
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=cef_1312412427 -
Mr Big Cat wrote:
So I win, right? Stupid question - of course I win. Stupid Turfa. *slaps Turfa on wrist.* don't ask pointless questions, Turfa.Pow 👊👊👊👊 Turfa smashed back an awesome few posts!!!
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💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
It made me chuckle, but only at the kitten. The song was pathetic 😖Ha this made me laugh
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=cef_1312412427 -
Hmmmm you're getting there Turfa...
Wander what mrs G will come back with lol...
I do like the fact I have created a thread for my own amusement and the kind people of turf wars take time out of their day to entertain me.
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One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom for the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell in.
The moral of the story is: The Bigger the Sausage, The Wetter the Pussy!
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Rud coming through with some quality tales and moral lessons
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💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
Lol. TruthNot cat related but an animal
DOG RULES
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours. -
Mr Big Cat wrote:
Are you English sir?Hmmmm you're getting there Turfa...
Wander what mrs G will come back with lol...
I do like the fact I have created a thread for my own amusement and the kind people of turf wars take time out of their day to entertain me.
If so I find it rather amusing that you have 3 colonials (I include myself) all slaving away for your amusement and hence benefit. It appears nothing has changed over the last 200 years.
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Hyena wrote:
Damn man, brothers not down with that.... Can't I just be popular and have people enjoy entertaining me....Mr Big Cat wrote:
Are you English sir?Hmmmm you're getting there Turfa...
Wander what mrs G will come back with lol...
I do like the fact I have created a thread for my own amusement and the kind people of turf wars take time out of their day to entertain me.
If so I find it rather amusing that you have 3 colonials (I include myself) all slaving away for your amusement and hence benefit. It appears nothing has changed over the last 200 years.
One day I will be like it in the real world ... Sigh 😏
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I do feel kind of slavey mr cat sir but am doing my duty to dull your boredom,I'm kind of hungry though master.....please can you quench my hunger and as my friend Oliver twist said once the naughty toe rag "please sir can I have some more?"
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Mr Big Cat wrote:
Just teasing sir. Lol,Hyena wrote:
Damn man, brothers not down with that.... Can't I just be popular and have people enjoy entertaining me....Mr Big Cat wrote:
Are you English sir?Hmmmm you're getting there Turfa...
Wander what mrs G will come back with lol...
I do like the fact I have created a thread for my own amusement and the kind people of turf wars take time out of their day to entertain me.
If so I find it rather amusing that you have 3 colonials (I include myself) all slaving away for your amusement and hence benefit. It appears nothing has changed over the last 200 years.
One day I will be like it in the real world ... Sigh 😏
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Cat translations...
Miaow
Feed me.Meeow
Pet me.Mrooww
I love you.Miioo-oo-oo
I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don't wait up.Mrow
I feel like making noise.Rrrow-mawww
Please, the time has come to tidy the litter boxRrrow-miawww
I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical.Miaowmiaow
Play with meMiaowmioaw
Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room?Mioawmioaw
Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture -
Raowwwww
I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy.Mrowwwww
I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private parts did not return with me from that visit to the vet.Roww-maww-roww
I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen.Gakk-ak-ak
My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting.Mow
Snuggling is a good idea.Moww
Shedding is pretty good tooMowww!
I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so unkindly.Miaow! Miaow!
I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navigate. -
Mrooww
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Mraakk!
Oh, small bird! Please come over here.SsssRoww!
I believe that I have found a woodchuck or similar animal.Mmmrowmmm
It is certain that the best tasting fish is one you have caught yourself.Mmmmmmm
If I sit in the sunshine for another hour or so, I think I shall be satisfied.Mreoaw
Please ask room service to send up another can of tuna fish.Mreeeow
Do you serve catnip with that?Mroow
I have forced my body into a tiny space in order to look cute. How am I doing?Miaooww! Mriaow!
Since you are using the can opener, I am certain that you understand the value of a well-fed and pampered cat. Please continue. -
I would say .... Dependant on what I see for the rest of the day.... Mrs Killer G is in the lead
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Read the story on my wall
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****idiot alert****
So the other day, drunk, I came home and decided to watch loads of shit on YouTube on my phone. Not realising that I wasn't connected to wifi. Few days later I get a text from my service provider.... 'you have used 80% of your data allowance' .... I know have to go 25 days using the other 20% allowance and I reeeeally can't afford a massive phone bill :-/
Any advice on what to do on keeping data usage to a minimum? Advice other than... 'don't us TW' and 'don't use FB' would be gratefully received and will score u 5 Big Cat Points.
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You should be ok if you put your wisely cat mind to it. After all, your hardly on TW any more 😜
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