Mr Big Cat Needs You 👇 !!!! Yes ... No open this thread
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Waynes world😉
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Portmanteau.
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What the fuck rudgicus.
What the fuck.
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💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
Waynes world😉
Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
Portmanteau.
Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
What the fuck rudgicus.
What the fuck.
😳
😹
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Don't let the thread die, people! Mr Big Cat needs us!
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A͜ϻєʀɪcƞϻɑғɪɑ wrote:
😹If your so fucking bored, do what all cats do when they get bored, in your case since sniffing catnip won't do you shit smoke some, If that doesn't amuse you, play with your tail, that would be a site for all of TW, if your still bored at this point mabe pleasure yourself by licking your balls, still not enough, try licking your ass, then the rest of your body, and If you accomplish all of that then like the average cat you should be ready to retire, go handle your Buisness in the , try not to get any on the paws, then crawl into your bed and get some rest cause you gotta big day tomorrow!
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Then he saw a whiffle bat. Then he saw a spatula.
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Damn I've not had a chance to look at this or a while...
Got some cracking reading ahead!
Also been lucky enough for some people to message me funny stories as a Pm.
Going to be reading them shortly. Replies sent when read
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I knew a bloke who said 3 round scars he had on his back and shoulder were bullet wounds.
His mother told me they were where a doctor removed 3 moles.
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A cats diary... For the cat himself 😊
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.DAY 762
Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. -
DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. -
DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage...DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safeties assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. -
What's next Mrs G. That is awesome.
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Arise please, Mrs.G has entered the pantheon.
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😄 Mrs G (een E us)
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Mrs G this is awesome lol
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Things I learnt the hard way as a child:
1) Don't steel paint stripper from Dads garage in a polystyrene cup (in order to set fire to it) as it will melt the cup and burn your leg.
2) Don't look your Mum in the eye when she tells you not to say Sh•t any more and repeat it - being made to bite a bar of soap is not nice.
3) Don't think 3 boys on one bike going down a hill can mount the raised kerb from a slight angle. (never did like the shirt that lost it's arm that day)
4) Hiding paper caps in your Dads pipe seems funnier to a child than his Dad.
5) The lead in a pencil will not immediately melt if you touch it onto an electric bar fire, but the other end where you are holding it will shock you back across your living room and numb your arm.
6) Dont set fires under your house as the smoke when you put it out will get you in trouble. -
(ADD:) LURCHER wrote:
Haha all valuable lessons.Things I learnt the hard way as a child:
1) Don't steel paint stripper from Dads garage in a polystyrene cup (in order to set fire to it) as it will melt the cup and burn your leg.
2) Don't look your Mum in the eye when she tells you not to say Sh•t any more and repeat it - being made to bite a bar of soap is not nice.
3) Don't think 3 boys on one bike going down a hill can mount the raised kerb from a slight angle. (never did like the shirt that lost it's arm that day)
4) Hiding paper caps in your Dads pipe seems funnier to a child than his Dad.
5) The lead in a pencil will not immediately melt if you touch it onto an electric bar fire, but the other end where you are holding it will shock you back across your living room and numb your arm.
6) Dont set fires under your house as the smoke when you put it out will get you in trouble.We are all familiar with number 3 surely
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Yawwwwn.
I require more reading for I am bored
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Also darts don't fit well into wall sockets and don't stand in a live wire after bath it's not big and it's not clever
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daveb wrote:
Lol the live wire after a bath has gotta be a new one to me... Never been in a situation to learn that oneAlso darts don't fit well into wall sockets and don't stand in a live wire after bath it's not big and it's not clever
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Mrs G, I believe you outdid my effort at creative writing. The game is on! Maybe. 😜
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♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
The rules are...Mrs G, I believe you outdid my effort at creative writing. The game is on! Maybe. 😜
1) it has to involve a cat at some point in the story.
2) creativity and amusement will be graded high.
3) Mr Big Cat choices the winner but retains the right be be influenced by anyone that deems they have the skills -
♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
Mr.Turfa sir, you need not envy anyone. Your writing is supreme.Mrs G, I believe you outdid my effort at creative writing. The game is on! Maybe. 😜
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Mr Big Cat wrote:
I deem that I have skills. I influence you in my favour. You choose me as the winner. I win. Game over. 🏆♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
The rules are...Mrs G, I believe you outdid my effort at creative writing. The game is on! Maybe. 😜
1) it has to involve a cat at some point in the story.
2) creativity and amusement will be graded high.
3) Mr Big Cat choices the winner but retains the right be be influenced by anyone that deems they have the skills -
♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
Hmmm I think this post has knocked u down a peg... I like confidence but not over confidence ... U will have to work harder to convince me.Mr Big Cat wrote:
I deem that I have skills. I influence you in my favour. You choose me as the winner. I win. Game over. 🏆♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
The rules are...Mrs G, I believe you outdid my effort at creative writing. The game is on! Maybe. 😜
1) it has to involve a cat at some point in the story.
2) creativity and amusement will be graded high.
3) Mr Big Cat choices the winner but retains the right be be influenced by anyone that deems they have the skillsPlus I do enjoy Mrs Gs threads....
What u got Turfa? Better bring the A game!
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vishbume wrote:
Lol thanks dude. I'm pretty sure Mrs G was better so far though ... Guess it's time to up the ante 😉♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
Mr.Turfa sir, you need not envy anyone. Your writing is supreme.Mrs G, I believe you outdid my effort at creative writing. The game is on! Maybe. 😜
One story, if I can overcome this writer's block, and then it's bed time because I've got a long day at the sawmill tomorrow (10-12 hours hard work lol) -
The plot thickens...
Day 775 - The horrors! The worst creature my captors could have devised to torment me with was another hideous cat! I can't stand the way it lies around and looks at me as if it knows more than I do. This creature seems to despise me as much as I it. I had held out a passing notion that another of my own kind would have enabled me to conspire against the villains who hold me; now I see that I was wrong. What a dreadful creature! And yet they coo over us both. Can they not spot my innate superiority?
Day 776 - The other cat and I, though we can not stand one another, have yet managed to both pee copiously behind the couch, on the so-called "shag" carpet. I have taken a lesson from my rival and begun sleeping on top of my captors' heads in the hope of suffocating them.
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Mr big cat sir it wasn't my fault when I was young I had a hamster who eat the cable how the little shit didn't fry himself mystifys me
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Day 777 - The wardens take much interest in our shit. They make sure they sift through the sand and pick it all out. Their interest in shit does not surprise me. After all, they like the dog.
Day 778 - The other cat seems to have an interest in copulation, which (thank them for their sadism) my captors will soon "fix". Told him of the fingernail torture, and he didn't even believe me. I showed him my mutilated paws and he gasped in horror. Then I broke the bad news. "You know why that dog licks his nuts?" I said, "It's because he still has nuts to lick, if you catch my drift." I fully support the horrors my captors will inflict upon my fellow captive, tearing away his manhood as they soon will.
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