Mr Big Cat Needs You 👇 !!!! Yes ... No open this thread
Forums › General Discussion › Mr Big Cat Needs You 👇 !!!! Yes ... No open this thread-
A friend of mine went to Switzerland with his now ex for a snowboarding holiday to slide on the white stuff,first night they went out on the lash and got seriously blathered.they both went to bed and half an hour in my mate wakes up feeling sick from the many beverages.....gets to the toilet and starts to unload the barf into said bog,bent over the porcelain bucket he wretched that hard he shat all over the floor without realizing.
Finishing the sick fountain he stumbles backwards into the freshly laid turds and staggeringly finds his way back to bed where he gets in.....top and tail with the missus and after many hours of restless slumber,deposits the squished bum cigar all over his GF's face😃Moral-always have a dump before having a skin full👍
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Any particular reason for the break up? 😷
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Rud - that is fucking rough man!
Outstanding effort on his behalf
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Unfortunate but none the less pure comedy gold 😂
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The old timer chuckled to himself, and took another drag on his pipe. The young man outside didn't know what he was getting himself into, untying that cat.
It had been many years earlier, several lives ago, in a cat's thinking, that he'd done something very similar. He'd seen the way the cat's owner had treated it, and he'd decided to help it as well.
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****Twenty Three Years Earlier****
He watched, crouched uncomfortably behind a boulder, as he waited for the ranch foreman to ride past on his cat. He was no stranger to waiting, this hunter. Part Soux and part English, he'd grown up in the far West, tracking all kinds of prey from the tender age of seven. Humans were easy, with their pathetic hearing and near useless sense of smell.
He shuffled slightly on the balls of his feet, and repositioned the large buffalo gun he had cradled between two smaller rocks.
Now remember, son. When the bear walks around the corner, it will see the calf on the ground. But he's a sly old bear, and he's going to check the air before he even considers moving in, so make sure you're downwind. It's up to you, alright? I'll only shoot if you miss - and you'll only have one shot. Just squeeze that trigger, don't pull on it. Squeeze it gently, and you'll get him. The hunter remembered his father's words every time he was waiting for prey. -
The foreman on his cat came around the bend at a steady lope, and pulled sharply on the reins when he saw the dead cougar on the track. His eyes narrowed, and he studied the canyon walls carefully. The first shot came just as he dove for the bushes, the bullet punching a hole in the air above his saddle.
the hunter swore, and fed another shell into the chamber. He sighted down the barrel, and squeezed off another shot, smiling wryly as he heard it strike flesh.
It was a matter of waiting, then. Waiting, patiently. He had all the time in the world.A strangled cough drew his attention from the buzzards flying above him, and he looked back at the bushes. The foreman was trying to crawl to better cover, a pearl handled Colt in one hand.
One shot. Unhurried, and carefully aimed. That's all it took. -
At first, the cat had been a great companion: friendly and talkative, but within several days, the hunter began to notice that he felt tired whenever he was around it. At first, it was barely noticeable, but as the weeks and months went by, it grew worse. One day he asked the cat about it, and it told him of the ancient tribe, known simply as Yaw. It explained how the Yawn ritual worked, and how the cat's owners were affected by it, when they took over ownership.
It was a curse. The cat was a curse.
****Present Time****
The old timer had had enough of being perpetually exhausted. He puffed contentedly on his pipe, as he watched the young man lead the cat away. He yawned once, before passing out of view. -
Haha very good Turfa. I am impressed
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Thankyou sir 😉
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😃I have another true story but don't know if it's a little TOO bad,tell or not?
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*gulp* Here goes...
It was a bright sunny Tuesay...
Then the world exploded and everyone died. The end. -
💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
Judging by the last one I'll have to bleach my eyes😃I have another true story but don't know if it's a little TOO bad,tell or not?
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Ʈℍㅌ ʘㄕㅌℝ₳₮ミℝ wrote:
💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
Judging by the last one I'll have to bleach my eyes😃I have another true story but don't know if it's a little TOO bad,tell or not?
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The Water Waka wrote:
What's The moral of it all?*gulp* Here goes...
It was a bright sunny Tuesay...
Then the world exploded and everyone died. The end. -
Mr Big Cat wrote:
Tuesday's are evil.The Water Waka wrote:
What's The moral of it all?*gulp* Here goes...
It was a bright sunny Tuesay...
Then the world exploded and everyone died. The end. -
Sod it here we go😉
This was told to me about 10 years ago in my first job by a woman who worked with me.
Her brother had just broken up with his long term missus and to cheer himself up,him and a mate went to Puket to basically get laid as often as he could.
Went to a club and pulled a local lass (and before you think it was a bloke your wrong),so he starts necking with her and gets invited back to hers to take things 'further'.
They go to her bedroom and it's pitch black,she goes under the covers and plays the pink flute,he thinks "brilliant,now it's my turn to repay the favour".
Goes under the covers and starts lapping at her lady jungle and feels something stroking the side of his face,thinks nothing of it and carries on,couple of minutes later feels this stroking again..wierd he thinks.
Turns the light on and sees something coming out of her arse,SHE'S ONLY GOT A TAPE WORM!!!
Unbelievably he took photos of it when she was asleep and I've seen them😷
Looked like a thick piece of spaghetti.I did warn you lol -
Rud, I'm not sure how to respond to this.
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😃respond how you please
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Aww rud. That's pretty raw. I puked a little
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👆that's the reaction I was expecting,I gipped in my mouth when I heard this story.....blaaaaaart
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There once was a man from Peru.
He dreamt he was eating his shoe.
He awoke with a fright
In the middle of that night
To find that his dream had come true.Moral: The end of the world had something to due with Justin Beiber.
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(Captain Greg, tell us about the time you fought the pirates of Spain!)
Oh you don't want to hear that one again.
(pleas captain Greg?)
Well ok, but only if you let me practice my body painting on you afterwards.Once there was a ship, and it was from Spain! And all the people on it had black hats on, so I...............shot and stabbed em all!
(even the girls?)
Especially the girls!
(YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!) -
💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
I've heard this before... Still yuckSod it here we go😉
This was told to me about 10 years ago in my first job by a woman who worked with me.
Her brother had just broken up with his long term missus and to basically get laid as often as he could.
Went to a club and pulled a local lass (and before you think it was a bloke your wrong),so he starts necking with her and gets invited back to hers to take things 'further'.
They go to her bedroom and it's pitch black,she goes under the covers and t,now it's my turn to repay the favour".
Goes under the covers and starts lapping at her lady jungle and feels something stroking the side of his face,thinks nothing of it and carries on,couple of minutes later feels and sees something coming out of her arse,SHE'S ONLY GOT A TAPE WORM!!!
Unbelievably he took photos of it when she was asleep and I've seen them😷
Looked like a thick piece of spaghetti.I did warn you lol -
Some bloke called Vadan just said he had a really funny story about something that happened to him recently ........ Err I'll get my coat.....
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So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town.
So - we go.
And - it's closed.
So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.
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💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
Truly disgusting.Snipped
...and a mate went to Puket to basically get laid as often as he could.
Went to a club and pulled a local lass (and before you think it was a bloke your wrong),so he starts necking with her and gets invited back to hers to take things 'further'.
They go to her bedroom and it's pitch black,she goes under the covers and plays the pink flute,he thinks "brilliant,now it's my turn to repay the favour".
Goes under the covers and starts lapping at her lady jungle and feels something stroking the side of his face,thinks nothing of it and carries on,couple of minutes later feels this stroking again..wierd he thinks.
Turns the light on and sees something coming out of her arse,SHE'S ONLY GOT A TAPE WORM!!!
Unbelievably he took photos of it when she was asleep and I've seen them😷
Looked like a thick piece of spaghetti.I did warn you lol -
YOU wrote:
Not sure whether the fella did borrow my trousers in the end, but there was a faint hint of Lynx Attract when I put them back on this evening......BC - u asked for info on others misfortune.... I got to work this morning and was getting changed into my Ronald MacDonald costume (name changed to protect the innocent), when this bloke steps out of the shower (I assume he runs or cycles in), put his shirt on and then shouts '💩' at the top of his voice, 'I've forgotten my trousers'
I larfed big style! Donated to anyone who's day also started badly! -
Charlie Seiga wrote:
Great film👍So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town.
So - we go.
And - it's closed.
So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.
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💩💩RudgicuS💩💩 wrote:
Wtf lol. What film is it?Charlie Seiga wrote:
Great film👍So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town.
So - we go.
And - it's closed.
So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.
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