Joke contest!
Forums › General Discussion › Joke contest!-
Yes a joke contest.There is a secret prize, but don't expect it to be to good.
Rules
-No posting jokes other people
posted
-Post as many as you want!
I will decide the winner in about a week.
I may have a second place slot too.-
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Post Away!
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You.
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GreenMan/x/🇺🇸💀🔫 wrote:
And the funniest one so Farr...You.
Yet not funny -
Jeg222 wrote:
Haha I don't think you are a joke. Just messingGreenMan/x/🇺🇸💀🔫 wrote:
And the funniest one so Farr...You.
Yet not funny -
GreenMan/x/🇺🇸💀🔫 wrote:
I know... Now post a good joke😜Jeg222 wrote:
Haha I don't think you are a joke. Just messingGreenMan/x/🇺🇸💀🔫 wrote:
And the funniest one so Farr...You.
Yet not funny -
Track and field
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Two joes in the woods:
One joe says, damn a bear!
The other joe says: RUN!!!!
First joe says, how far do we run?
Second joe says: I need to outrun you. I'm good... -
TIMMMMMMMMMMYYY!!
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A guy was so stupid he thought a Manila folder was a Filipino contortionist.
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Jeg222 wrote:
Your "Fights Won / Lost" ratio.Post Away!
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Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they ARRRRGGGHHH
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There is a magic cliff. If you jump off of it, you gain a wish granted. Three guys are standing there.
The first guy says, "I wish I had my dream car."
He runs at full speed, but trips off the cliff. He says, "Oh crap."
He receives mountains of crap.Second guy says, "I wish I had all the money in the world."
He also runs at full speed, but trips off the cliff as well. He says, "Damn."
He's eternally damned to hell.Third guy is watching and says, "I wish I had my friends back."
He runs as fast as he can, and then trips because something is in his eye. He says, "Fuck me." -
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"
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Johnny's mother has three kids. The oldest is named April. The next is named May. What is the third child's name?>>
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Iceberg_Slim wrote:
JohnnyJohnny's mother has three kids. The oldest is named April. The next is named May. What is the third child's name?>>
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My wife has got a pair of 'meatloaf' knickers. On the front, it says 'I would do anything for love'On the back it says 'but I wont do that.'
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Your mommas like a hockey player. She doesn't change her pad for three periods!
Yo' mommas so fat, when she pressed up on an elevator and it went down!
Yo' mommas so stupid, she got locked in a bed store and slept on the floor!
Yo' mommas so dumb, she got locked in the food store and died of starvation!
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Iceberg_Slim wrote:
less of a jokeJohnny's mother has three kids. The oldest is named April. The next is named May. What is the third child's name?>>
more of a logical reasoning quiz question -
One day, John decided to invite over his mother for dinner with him and his roommate, Julie. Julie made a great dinner, but John's mother started to suspect more than friendship. The next day, Julie told John that the soup ladle was missing. This is the letter he wrote to his mother: Dear Ma,I'm not saying you did take the soup ladle, but I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains, It's missing. Love, John.
This was her response...
Dear John, I'm not saying you did sleep with Julie, But I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found it by now. Love, Mom. -
Pinz wrote:
LMAOOne day, John decided to invite over his mother for dinner with him and his roommate, Julie. Julie made a great dinner, but John's mother started to suspect more than friendship. The next day, Julie told John that the soup ladle was missing. This is the letter he wrote to his mother: Dear Ma,I'm not saying you did take the soup ladle, but I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains, It's missing. Love, John.
This was her response...
Dear John, I'm not saying you did sleep with Julie, But I'm not saying you didn't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found it by now. Love, Mom. -
What did the number 0 say to the number 8. That's a real nice belt ur wearing
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shaggly razors wrote:
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 789What did the number 0 say to the number 8. That's a real nice belt ur wearing
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A man goes to the doctors, he says: "doctor doctor! I've got the handlebars of a bike stuck up my ass!" the doctor says "how on Earth did you do that?" the man says "I don't know but its driving me nuts!"
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Here's another good one: lawyers only have two moving parts, the mouth and the ass and they're interchangable!
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A blonde a brunette and a redhead walk into the post office they see a mirror that the guy at the counter says is magic he says tell it what you think and it will happen but if you lie you will dissapear
The brunette says i think i will live in a gigantic mansion and a mansion pops up in the parkinglot
The redhead says i think i will marry a billionaire and a billionaire pops up and says will you marry me YES
The blonde walks up and says i think and disappears
If ur blonde dot take i personally i got it off a joke app -
I like turtles.
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FREE☠MASON wrote:
BobIceberg_Slim wrote:
JohnnyJohnny's mother has three kids. The oldest is named April. The next is named May. What is the third child's name?>>
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo drizzle.Bratum.. Chhhhhh!
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I got a text from an unknown number saying "I am the one and only! xx"I rushed home to my girlfriend, who was standing at the door with an expectant smile and her new phone in hand."Guess what babe?" I said."What is it hun?" She said knowingly."Chesney Hawkes has my number!"
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I've put a large amount of copper in my skip and I'm sure the local scrap man will have a shock when he finds it.I've wired it up to the mains.
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