Daily Joke :)
Forums › General Discussion › Daily Joke :)-
DJHazzer. wrote:
Course Dom.but even though nearly everyone laughed at my jokes today(apart from text message one and hawking as I didn't tell them)btw if you don't get the text one ask and I'll explainHapticGamer wrote:
My jokes are the ones way better than hisDJHazzer wrote:
Ahhh now I see :)Pinz wrote:
Remember domjonesxd?well he changed his name to DJHazzer.if you look theres a full stop after his name and he's low level.me(the one who just did those 4 jokes)am the original DJHazzer and am level 33DJHazzer/'s who's who?
Am I missing something? -
Pinz has the best jokes.
-
Howard wrote:
Thank you!Pinz has the best jokes.
More to come -
This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her awhile then says, ‘You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?’
She says, ‘I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old.’ She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, ‘Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?’
She says, ‘Well, your name never came up.’ -
My uncle recently got to the finals of the apprentice
The task was make a bungie jumping brand and aim it at particularly people.
Alan Sugar did not think that the name Spastic on Elastic was suitible for a special needs school. -
One day a woman says Tina man "I'm really sick of the inequality if the sexes. If a woman sleeps with a 1000 men she's a slut but if a man sleeps with 1000 women he's a legend". To this the man replied "i see it like this; if you have a lock that gets open by any random key you call it a shitty lock, but if a key opens many locks, well you call it a master key".
Hmmm not as funny in text as it is spoken...
-
My fat girlfriend walked into the sitting room clutching her arm and bleeding from the face!
I just fell down the stairs she screamed!, didnt you hear me??
No, I replied, sorry, i thought it was the start of Eastenders. -
Couple at Marriage guidance trying to improve their relationship..
Councellor asks "can we start with something you both have in common"?
Bloke says....
"well neither of us sock cock". -
A mad man runs into a Pet shop and places a Bomb on the counter and shouts!
EVERYBODYS GOT 1 MINUTE TO GET OUT!
A tortoise at the back of the shop shouts "You cunt".. -
One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says ‘I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.’
Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear ‘Do you have a dentist appointment, too?’ -
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. ‘Good morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?’
‘Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns.’
‘Do you use it for anything else?’
‘Like what?’
‘Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex.’
‘Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out!’ -
bugs malone wrote:
I thought it was a fresh twist on an old joke...I lol'd[]D[][]V[][]D™ wrote:
Nobody ever gets this when I tell them this!Two guys walk into a bar... The second one should have seen it comin'.
-
The wife was having a go at me recently:
Wife: You don't get on with my parents
Me: That's normal, nobody gets on with their ex
Wife: Oh my God, you fucked my mum?
Me: No. -
Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. And every year Ken would say, " Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Edna always replied,
"I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is 50 bucks". And 50 bucks is 50 bucks'
One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, and Ken said,"Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'
To this, Edna replied, -
Ken that helicopter ride is 50 bucks, and 50 bucks is 50 bucks'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can
stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's 50 dollars.' Ken and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word
When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said, By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
Ken replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know,
"50 bucks is 50 bucks! -
👆👆👆👆LOL!!!!
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
Neither has he.....why was tbe rock stuck up?
Cuz he thought he was hard... -
My wife is deaf. Whenever we want sex we have a unique way of communicating, where she'll tug my dick. It's once for yes and 150x for no.
-
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back; we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25: we have a husband down.' -
Keep em coming
-
These are hilarious!! :D
-
A man has a 69 with his wife just before a dental appointment. During the check up the dentist asks "excuse me sir but did u have oral sex this morning?" to which the man replies "yes doctor I did. Do I have a pubic hair in my mouth?". The dentist says "no sir. u have some s**t on ur forehead"
-
My wife asked me how many women I had slept with.I told her that she was the only one,all the others had kept me awake all night shagging.
-
Little Johnny likes to gamble.One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."The teacher says OK, she can handle it.The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."She says yes I know who you are.Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem (cont.)..
-
...(cont.)..."Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."
-
ROFL 😹 that was nice ⬆⬆⬆
I gotta try that some time 😉hmm Johnny can I get at any of ur girls for a few mins >;) dw I'll bring em back happy for ya
-
What is brown and sticky ??
A stick
-
Has anyone else noticed sepp blatter is an anagram for t***. Well, I guess dyslexia does have it's advantages...
-
Christianity:one womans lie about an affair that got drastically out of hand
-
Man walks in a bar opens a briefcase and pulls out a miniature piano and a nine inch tall man. He starts playing and guy at bar next to him says amazing where did you get that. Man replies i have a magic lamp you can try if you want. Excited he rubs it and is granted a wish. Bar fills with fireworks and smoke once it clears there is ducks everywhere. Man says thats amazing but i wanted a million bucks not ducks. First man says and you think i wanted a nine inch pianist.
![[][]](https://turfwarsapp.com/img/app/ajax-forbutton.gif)
Purchase Respect Points NEW! · Support · Turf Map · Terms · Privacy
©2021 MeanFreePath LLC