Any good Puns?
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i find puns really funny, I will share some of my best...
I used to want to be a banker... But I lost interest.
What did the frustrated cannibal do when he got angry? He threw up his hands
What did the cannibal get when he was late to a dinner party? A cold shoulder
Did you hear about the guy with his entire left side cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Share some of you favorite jokes.
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These aren't all puns.
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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says:
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." -
Nice one , Saba!
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There was a man who entered a TW GD''s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. -
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal' while the other goes to a family in Spain and they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.' -
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of his life, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him:
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. -
Did you hear about the guy who left his job at the can crushing factory? Yeah, he said it was so depressing
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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. -
A woman got a breast implant made of oak wood.
This joke would be funny if it had a punch line.
Wooden tit.
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An Indian chief had three wives, all of which gave birth. The first had a boy and the chief built her a teepee of deer hide. The second also had a boy and the chief built her a teepee of antelope hide. When the third gave birth, the chief built her a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.
Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. 'Correct,' said the chief. 'How did you figure it out?'
The warrior answered, 'It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.' -
A group of friars from the monastery opened a florist shop to raise funds. A rival florist saw his business drop significantly. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh O'Reilly, the toughest thug in town to convince the friars to close down. Hugh beat up the friars and ruined their flowers, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, proving that 'only Hugh can prevent florist friars'. -
Innocent Saba wrote:
😂😂😂 that was the best so far👍A group of friars from the monastery opened a florist shop to raise funds. A rival florist saw his business drop significantly. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh O'Reilly, the toughest thug in town to convince the friars to close down. Hugh beat up the friars and ruined their flowers, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, proving that 'only Hugh can prevent florist friars'. -
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon and says, "I'm lookin' fer tha man what shot my paw."
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I spent all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Energizer bunny arrested: Charged with battery.
A baby seal walks into a club.
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I got rid of my Hoover the other day.
Well ! It was just gathering dust.
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A man goes to the doctors
Doctor can I have some sleeping pills for my wife ?
What's wrong with her ? Says the doc
She's woke up.
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I'm not a playa I just crush a lot 🎤😜🎤
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Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication. -
I tried to catch some fog, but i mist.
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What do you get when you make a belt out of watches?
A complete waist of timeEating clocks is really time consuming. Especially when you go back for seconds
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What was up on the board?
A tack!!!!
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Innocent Saba wrote:
😂😂👍Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication. -
☣Յⅈ☢Ϧⱥʑǻཞđ☣ wrote:
😂👍I'm not a playa I just crush a lot 🎤😜🎤
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I forgot how to throw a boomerang, then it hit me
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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This is a triple pun:
Three brothers decide to buy a ranch. They asked their father what to name it. He replied "Focus".
They asked why.
He replied, "Focus - where the sun's rays meet. -
Two goldfish were in their tank one turned to the other and said you man the guns I'll drive
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One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that."
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest."
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!" -
A chess tournament was being held and contestants from around the world were in the lobby of a hotel bragging about other tournaments they had won. After awhile, the hotel manager came out of the office and asked them all to leave.
'But why?' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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These jokes just aren't that purrrfect! I mean, are you kitten around with me right meow? I know, I'm imPAWsible!
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