🏰 The TW CITY 🏰
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This is just awesome! It had me laughing throughout. I do wish more characters would refrain from publicly 💩ing though. 😂
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Out and about again,we were treated to a sideshow as we travelled on our rickshaw.Big Cat urged Xoobang to halt so as not to miss the show.
A small dark object was seen the leave a parting in a bush.It sped towards its target:the neck of Luca who rubbed it and looked around in perplexity.Another then another in quick succession were hit with the projectiles causing the same reaction from the victim and causing the shooter's head to split in mirth and titter.The heavily pimpled face of Cool-Freak,wearing a tight black skullcap,would pop up to seek out new objectives,assess distances and raise a tube to his mouth and blow at which he would duck quickly back into the bush.
Hearing a hum and buzz from a tree hanging just over the place of hiding caused Grim to comment something to Diminisher who,thinking it worth the time and the expense,began to throw coins at the nest. -
Each impact caused the wasps to buzz angrily.The wasps flitted in and out and searched for their attacker.Just then Cool's head popped up,with blowpipe to mouth,and the wasps swooped down as one upon the bush.A squeal from within was soon followed by urgent flapping of arms as Cool leapt out,howling imprecations,wildly thrashing and running backwards and forwards,with his head and shoulders almost lost in a cloud of chasing wasps.Somersaulting and twisting,he ran this way and that,with the wasps forming a brown nimbus about his head,both parties oblivious to the people who had stopped to watch the drama unfold.Finally,foaming and balloon headed,Cool staggered and collapsed to the ground with the odd erratic twitch,allowing the wasps to inject at their leisure their stingers into him.
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Wine and beer tasting booths were being set up and great casks being lifted off wagons and rolled into the back of the booths.People worked from ladders,stretching out gaily coloured buntings on the street by Mickey Dunn's tower.A banner was being carefully painted with the name of Mickey and the numbers 100,000 painted onto it in bold letters.
"Vish",the wind seemed to whisper.
From behind us a dozen or so rat-faced underfed stick-limbed urchins came,their knobbly knees clicking as they passed us at a skipping run.They formed a circle and adjusted their tights.The sloping shouldered wide hipped Menace,donning a string mankini,strode with a practiced gait into their midst,carrying a little drum.Under his orders they began to practice their routine,puffing up their puny chests and squeaking a disharmonious song,with a chorus of belches to the beat of the drum. -
Nodding his head,they stamped their feet as one and the circle broke and they scampered to designated points to collect pans.They shook the pans under our noses and chattered teeth into our faces,but waited for no coin.Then they trudged back to form the circle again.Huddling together,they were reproached and upbraided by the stern Menace and so the cycle repeated itself.
A myriad of emotions vied for dominance on my good friend Knight's face,"They appear demented and I would gladly give them coin now to forestall another such assault to my senses".
"Vish",came the voice again.I looked around trying to find the source of the voice but all seemed absorbed in the spectacle.Again the voice,this time calling me by another name.It seemed to come from above,"you need to leave".
"Leave?"says I."Yes,it is time",came the answer. -
Images of a door and sink and my shoes flashed before my eyes.All around me seemed to move as if in a dream."You mean take passage on the the ferry from this place or go to the cemetery?",I queried the voice,continuing,"Are you God?Are you Nick?".
"What?! I'm your wife! Get out of the bathroom.What are you doing in there?"I was brought back by the sound of Knight's metal shod boots creating succulent sounds as they kicked the master of performers,which drew praise and applause from Turfa,and sent the rat-folk scurrying away in abject fear."That'll learn him",chuckled Kilgore Trout clinking his glass against the smiling Mystery's.
The words "what does she think I'm doing?" left unsaid in my mind. -
Hahahaha!!! Vish my friend, I haven't been very good with reading this thread regularly, but that was hilarious.
'What does she think I'm doing?'
Hahaha you're a scream mate. Keep it up!! 😂😜👍 -
Awesome Vish!!! Great read :)
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A mankini! 😂😂😂😂😂👍
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🍻 Cheers, KT. 😝
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The accused,one small and squat CAESAR AVGVSTVS stood upon the dock,"I have been openly and wantonly robbed!.My crime to merely take control of some of my dear dead wife's holdings,protecting them from the avaricious and wicked.I may have taken the odd trinket but what use is loot to a mouldy corpse"
""Mouldy corpse".You must have loved her.I understand by reading the report rendered by the villagers",here judge Adrenalinejunky adjusted her glasses,"that the village was lovingly maintained and that you struck terror into their midst.You,yourself, have changed your wife's name numerous times throughout the hearing.I shall read from an eyewitness account: -
"He lay upon a crag overlooking the village with a leering eye.Oft he would come down,make untoward advances upon our women folk and take off with an armload of precious treasures,greedily grabbing some knickers or bras or even y-fronts and suchlike from our clothes lines.If that can be judged and viewed as a marital ceremony,well then I suppose you could say he was married to most of the women and boys of the village though I should point out that none of which were consummated.His over-excitement on such expeditions meant that we had to lock our doors.Once he was surprised by a sheriff ,we had called,when checking the locks and inspecting the windows of a home only to run off when challenged.Is this the way of a husband?His midnight forays into the sheep pens were the tales told to our children to keep them in at night as much as stories told of by Greenman of slenderman except our tale was true"".
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A ghost of a smile touched the judge's lips,"Not very "emperor-like" but that is the role you have taken upon yourself.Do any wish to speak for this wretch?"."I thought not?In deference to your namesake and in the fashion of the Byzantium's,you will have your nose cut off.You will be then be marched through the bustling thoroughfares shorn of your hair and be without clothes with only a double-stitched finger puppet to keep your modesty as you are paraded with "the emperor's new clothes".Now you must all pardon me as I have to adjudicate at the local tiddlywinks tourney".Here she hit her gavel,fashioned from 5ilent-knight's pelvis,upon the table to end the proceedings.
Caesar's chance of appeal went with Adrenlinejunky's rapid departure. -
Tiddlywinks are nothing to joke about. I happen to be the captain of the US national Tiddlywinks team for the 1996 table game Olympics. It is a respectable and noble game of skill, strategy and athleticism. The thrill felt as a chip flies into the cup is incomparable to anything else I have ever felt. I am currently running a regional team. Tiddlywinkers unite!
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"Gas or charcoal.The wife wanted the gas one and I was set on the charcoal myself",said DC,casting furtive glances over his shoulders."But when I bought it I noticed a bad turn of luck.My early morning gruel stunk of sump water.I noticed my diligent paperwork for work was used as bedding for the dog and befouled by the beast who would growl at me if I moved to rescue it.My sausages for supper were burnt to charcoaled cinders and my handkerchief went missing from my pockets to be replaced by my soiled jocks which left me red faced at work.The toothpaste for my sensitive teeth was replaced by wart cream and my side of the bed covered in biscuit crumb".
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"The remote was not where I always left it and our neighbours took to calling me nasty names and talk behind my back as I walked by at which their kids threw stones at my back.So I took it back and bought the gas option and now all goes spiffingly well at home",DC flipped over a burger and casually spat onto it,"and here now you see me entertain our dear neighbours".
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From a street corner,Johnny Cage extolled the virtues of his wares.He sold charts naming denizens who had achieved Godfatherhood and curios picked up on his travels.A large crate stood to the side under the sign "Damaged goods". Noting our curiosity,he handed us some pointed sticks and encouraged us to poke them into the crate at which a melody of raucous cries ensued.Hoping to seal the deal,he enjoined us to view the merchandise for sale.We peered into the dark crate and saw that something grotesque lay huddled under a dirty rag beside the desiccated remains of another.Two small dark pips squinted at us from a face within.It groped for a baby rattler which sent some flys to flight and hard-working beetles scurrying deeper into a shitty nappy,but the smell was enough to make us draw back our heads,waving our hands to better dissipate the ripe stench.
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On lifting our heads,we were dazzled by the sunlight and Fartex had the presence of mind to through a sheet of tarpaulin over the box."The sign should read rejects",he ventured.
"Hah,perhaps you are right",said the friendly vendor,"Within are two that had attached themselves to an esteemed personage.The one with the raisin eyes is Skull Candy and the quiet one is JonLoop.They are being sold as slaves with the dead one perhaps of more service.If nothing else,the article would make a good music box?".
"Pah!,a useless and disturbing item",muttered Charlie,throwing his smoking cigarette onto the tarpaulin forcing Johnny to push the now smoking crate away to protect his wares,ignoring the panicked knocking from inside. -
One would be excused for believing our fair city be a serious of anecdotes of which someone gets their comeuppance or another that hatches some skulduggery.Perhaps another thread should have been penned charting these episodes but what would the city be if not for its charming accounts and endearing scandals?Always the promise of more to keep us the audience tuned in.But where the beat of love?Where the steamy scenes to set our pulses racing? Therefore,in order to cover this ground,I will relate to you a romantic tryst;a banging tale of passion,late night fumbling and frustrated love.
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NalgasPeludas (affectionately known as HairyHole to his friends) entered a tavern to find himself in a long hall with walls bare of decoration.He was about to do a u-turn when a comely serving girl came to show him to a table and take his order.Nalgas could not help but notice that she was most attractive and slender though her mouth seemed to droop in apparent sadness.She wore a simple cotton dress that hugged her contours at the hips with a white rose in her hair.Nalgas asked her name to which she sighed sadly,"strangers come and go and live their lives in splendour whilst I serve my life away in this dark den.My name is of no consequence", at which she took his order and moved away.The girl was beguiling thought Nalgas.His thought wandered at possibilities and he felt his trousers twitch from within.The girl returned with a tray with his beer.Grinning like a mooncalf,he flashed cash and spoke of his grand plans.
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"You seem educated and worldly", said the maiden,looking over her shoulder towards the burly man behind the bar,"what I'd do to leave this place but I must pay my stipend to the landlord".
"Yes,yes",croaked Nalgas,getting a whiff of her perfume as she bent down,"I am very educamackated and a man of means", here he petted her bottom and the girl smiled."I study international affairs and think Mexico should be invaded by tanks".
The girl looked at him in apparent admiration,"A marvellous idea.How little I know of such things.I would gladly go by your side to hear more of your grand ideas,but alas...,"a brief pause,"could I travel with you?". -
Nalgas dropped a copper onto her tray and promised that there would be more from whence that came from". The girl glanced at him in appraisal,"In five minutes I shall have a break and I would like very much to listen and learn from such a learned person.My chamber is just down that hallway.I will leave the door unlocked.For a few coppers more or nothing if you care,you may expound your ideas and more if you want", her wink left Nalgas in no doubt.He waited the minutes,quaffed his beer and,wary of the landlord's attention,tiptoed past the kitchens and toilets and came to the room.
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He entered a small sparsely furnished room with a high ceiling and a wardrobe against one of its walls.The girl sat at the foot of a bed brushing her long golden hair and looked at him,mouth slightly open.Nalgas closed the latch behind himself and self-consciously approached,teeth grinding.Her skirt lifted over her knees as she lay down.Nalgas gibbered something about missiles,whooped,dropped his pants and leapt onto the bed into her open arms.She held his head so tightly that Nalgas couldn't turn it to see who was coming out of the wardrobe and out from under the bed.Squirming and twisting,his curses were cut short by Kilgore's hammer blow.Swamp dragged the groaning form off of Queen Nicole and expertly claimed the pelt,avoiding the parts that inspired the name.Charged for the use of the room,drink consumed and the gratuity,Nalgas was ejected from the premises with the warning to never return.
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👏👏👏👏👍
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Amazing as ever!
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Bravo! I especially liked "...expertly claimed the pelt, avoiding the parts that inspired the name." 😂 You, my friend, are amazing! 👍👍
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♥︎ 愛 ℒ੫ѵ L♡VED it.
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👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 keep em coming!!!
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WHY WASENT I IN THIS
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capo man wrote:
Careful what you wish for...WHY WASENT I IN THIS
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