What time is it? JOKE TIME! Gimme ya best!
Forums › General Discussion › What time is it? JOKE TIME! Gimme ya best!-
"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the only girl in the woodwork class during the first day of school. Judi pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."
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Oldie but still good! *blowing dust off*
The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo games didn't work, the spaghetti dinners & pancake breakfasts didn't work, he even tried raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the priest though of trying out horse racing. He went to a horse auction and saw that the good horses were way too expensive for a poor parish, so he settled on a little donkey that was standing in the corner.
he was a man of God, he had faith, and ran the donkey. It came in third. There was a little headline in the Racing Form next morning, PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS.
The next race the donkey won, and the headline read, PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
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the bishop of the diocese said that the priest had better stop racing the donkey so the church could avoid bad publicity. The next days headline read BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS and the bishop was livid! He sent a message to stop racing NOW, get rid of the donkey, didn't even want the beast at the rectory.
so the priest gave the donkey to the mother superior of the cionvent down the road. The headline read NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN and the bishop passed out in his cornflakes.
The nun was so torn up with guilt that she sold the donkey to a farmer just outside town. The headline read NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR TEN DOLLARS. They buried the bishop the next day. -
What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?
Bird flu requires tweetment, while swine flu only needs a little oinkment!
Hahahaha I love having the worst jokes lol
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What's a nun in a wheelchair?
...Virgin mobile
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hahahahahahahaha ha love em!
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No Sex Since 1955
An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
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The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
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cocojones 1.5 wrote:
Haha! I love bad jokes!What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?
Bird flu requires tweetment, while swine flu only needs a little oinkment!
Hahahaha I love having the worst jokes lol
Why did the tomatoe blush? Because he saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a fake noodle?? An Impasta!!!!!!! Bwahahaha What do you call a nosy pepper? He is jalenpeno business!!
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👊✊👊✊🚪
😳?👉🚪
👻
👻?
🚫😭 👉 😜
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Hyena wrote:
Dafuq bro?👊✊👊✊🚪
😳?👉🚪
👻
👻?
🚫😭 👉 😜
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Hyena wrote:
Knock knock👊✊👊✊🚪
😳?👉🚪
👻
👻?
🚫😭 👉 😜
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke. -
Question:
The chicken tried to cross the freeway you take the F out of "free" and the F out of "way"
what did he do?
Answer:
(Hint say it quickly) There's no F in way. get it? -
An older lady was planning something special for her husband for their 50th anniversary. So she put on her sexiest outfit and greeted him at the front door when he came home.
"Are you ready for some Super Sex?" she said in a soft voice.
He replied, "I'll take the soup." -
What's the difference between a hooker and a rooster?
The hooker says, "a cock a day'll do."
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What's the difference between an ex-wife and a hurricane? Answer is.........Nothing!!! They both started out warm and wet but then they take the house and everything else with them.
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What do you call a hooker with white eyes?
Full -
“⚡Տɧɑƌøա₭ɪɲɠ⚡ wrote:
It's my daughter's first joke and she repeated it daily for months, I just thought I would see if I could emoji it.Hyena wrote:
Knock knock👊✊👊✊🚪
😳?👉🚪
👻
👻?
🚫😭 👉 😜
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke. -
Hyena wrote:
As soon as I saw it I got it. Yay for having kids lol“⚡Տɧɑƌøա₭ɪɲɠ⚡ wrote:
It's my daughter's first joke and she repeated it daily for months, I just thought I would see if I could emoji it.Hyena wrote:
Knock knock👊✊👊✊🚪
😳?👉🚪
👻
👻?
🚫😭 👉 😜
Who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke. -
Love em all!!!
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little crumby!
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I love the joke threads
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What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry!
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How do you make a handkerchief dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
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Hyena wrote:
Lel I got it.👊✊👊✊🚪
😳?👉🚪
👻
👻?
🚫😭 👉 😜
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Here's one I made up.
An Amish guy and a Modern guy are talking. The modern guy said in a cocky tone " My car had 500 Horse Power."
The Amish guy said embarrassed "Wow, my car has only 4 horsepower."
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Has instead of had.
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A blond lady found out her husband was cheating on her.
She waited for her husband to come home. When he did, she grabbed a gun. She then pointed the gun to her head. Her husband spoke up and said Stop!!!!
She then said to him. Don't worry, you're next. Lmao...
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Vlad_Dracul_315 wrote:
😂😂😂😂😂A blond lady found out her husband was cheating on her.
She waited for her husband to come home. When he did, she grabbed a gun. She then pointed the gun to her head. Her husband spoke up and said Stop!!!!
She then said to him. Don't worry, you're next. Lmao...
Awesome! -
A penguin is driving across the desert when his car overheats. He is close to a town and eases his car into service station. The mechanic says he will know something in about 30 minutes. The penguin sees an ice cream parlor nearby and waddles off. He sits down with a big bowl of French vanilla and digs in. When he finishes, he heads back. The mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "No, it's just ice cream. Now, about my car..."
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