Turf Wars Times-Sports!🏆TW vs FV
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Welcome to the cup match between TurfWars Utd and FarmVille Tillers.
The victors will play against the winners of the Candy Crush Coops and CoC Warts match. All for the honour of lifting the prestigious "Willie Twitcher Cup".🏆 -
You can smell the tension as
the TW players take up their positions against the star players of FV Tillers.
🔊 A great swirl of motion greets the whistle.
Rudgicus ,playing in attack, hacks,feints and outruns the FV starlet The Minge.
Rudge advances and the Minge backs away until retreat is no longer possible.Gingerly,Rudge takes the other's wrist,essays a quick yank.Much hopping and squirming ensues and the two come together.Rudge is red-carded and Minge has to be stretchered off.
We got a game folks! -
Lil' Al Dwayne walks onto the field, ready to play the game for the honor of winning the Willie Twitcher cup.
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Lil'Dwayne makes a dash for the opposition goal only to have The Harvestor,the FV seasoned defender,cast his seed into his face.Lil' Dwayne goes down like a sack of potatoes and Harvestor passes to Swineman who releases dairyando on the right.Dairyando slips past Knight,who is oogling one of the cheerleaders as she somersaults, and bearing down on the TW goal is cramped and constrained by the TW number 7,C.Siega,and the number 6,Bruenor,with his axe.A pretty streaker runs onto the pitch and Dairyando takes advantage of 7 and 6's preening and easily skips past the huge Mickey Dunne in goal to shoot for goal.Its a screamer and the shot is accurate.
GOOOOAL!!
Jubilant,Dairyman does a cartwheel straight into the claws of Big Cat, hobbling and emasculating him in one fell swoop.RED CARD and stretcher for Dairyman for diving.But the goal stands.
0⃣-1⃣ -
Past Mikey how!
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Then a strangely familiar hillbilly takes his place on the field!
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Hillbilly takes the ball upfield and does a great juke move past Swineman and passes to Lil Dwayne, who has recovered from being a sack of potatoes, who takes a shot.......... And it's deflected just in time! The score is still 1⃣-0⃣
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Lil' Al Dwayne wrote:
😕It's called dribbling...Hillbilly takes the ball upfield and does a great juke move past Swineman and passes to Lil Dwayne, who has recovered from being a sack of potatoes, who takes a shot.......... And it's deflected just in time! The score is still 1⃣-0⃣
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☪Λaгѳԓ☪ wrote:
Wait this is basketball? 😜Lil' Al Dwayne wrote:
😕It's called dribbling...Hillbilly takes the ball upfield and does a great juke move past Swineman and passes to Lil Dwayne, who has recovered from being a sack of potatoes, who takes a shot.......... And it's deflected just in time! The score is still 1⃣-0⃣
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HillyBilly with his toothsome smile calls out for the ball.He is begging for it.Harvestor is distracted and HB only has Swineboy man marking him.The sublime Far Side punts the ball to him and BellaItaliana heads the ball down to his non-laced boots. He is away.... Go HillyBilly...
He shoots and it fizzes past the goals into the FarmVille crowd ,knocking a sheep herder off his perch. Was there helium in that ball?HillBilly looks satisfied though.
The ball is back in play.Harvestor legs it up the pitch to Von Tractor who makes urgent gestures appealing for help for Tweek has ploughed into his huge gut. He's down and Tweek,ignoring the blood splatter,passes the ball to Aaron who does a little dance around Cornholio.Travdog,trained in back alleys by fire stations,gets the ball and elbowtits his way past Blossum and shoots.
GOOOAL!!!!! Travdog continues to elbowtit in some kind of victory dance.
1⃣-1⃣ -
✊Yes we're tied 😋
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Yay!!!👍
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The TW crowd are going mad.... Mad for the FV supporters. Riots police are called and baton charge the farmer folk. The TW players are still celebrating not realizing that the game is back in play.Udderhand,unseen, gets ready to strike into the empty TW goal but does a pirouette and collapses with a nasty looking head wound.Killer Carl raises his hands in innocence.PENALTY!
Sheepshagger places the ball on the spot.He coils his leg and shoots but it rebounds of Mickey's head onto the feet of Khal who sweeps past Wheatfield.Passes to Taz who unselfishly passes to Randombloke who leaves Greenhouse in his shadow.He shoots but his kick is so powerful that the ball punctures. -
It's a freekick and Mystery takes it. She ponders and calculates and gracefully lofts it to Saelo,bedecked in a sexy number,who leaves the opposition slack jawed. She weaves around the gawking farmers and shoots......GOOOAL!!!
2⃣-1⃣ -
Ahh!!!😅I hope that wasn't my team who got scored on.
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5 minutes left before halftime.Will there be another goal. Hyena,with his trademark looping gait dribbles past Scarecrow and sets up Fartex,forever touching cloth,poots it into the back of the net.GOOOAL!!!!
Nobody rushes to Fartex to congratulate him for the fumes are overpowering.
3⃣-1⃣ -
Saelo's the only one that's scoring around here.
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The whistle blows for halftime.
Score from the other match:
Candy Crush Coops 0⃣-5⃣ CLash of Clans Warts.Smasher having scored a hatrick. -
Wop wop Clash of Clans!😅still lost on what team I'm on for the other oh well.
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Yeah, stay away from me maggots, no buddy touch mah shiz fothrmucker!!!!
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Good we winning!! Nice shot Fartex!!
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🔥Killer⌖Carl🔥 wrote:
Could not have done it without hyenas assist tbh... Great job hyena 👍Good we winning!! Nice shot Fartex!!
😝
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🏃💨fartex💩 wrote:
😳 Ummmm, I just don't like getting tackled so was getting rid of the ball as fast as possible....🔥Killer⌖Carl🔥 wrote:
Could not have done it without hyenas assist tbh... Great job hyena 👍Good we winning!! Nice shot Fartex!!
😝
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The lights go dim and the half time entertainment starts.Occasionally a few yelps of foolish glee sound from the audience and cameras flash from the crowd.The spotlights go on and...
A troupe of pubescent boys wearing tight red leggings prance onto the middle of the pitch followed by a thin boned man wielding a blackthorn stick.Music started to pipe on the speakers as the man started to pursue the boys around the circle.the crowd clap their support with stamping with the yelping obbligato.
The stick struck out and one boy,decidedly slow on his feet,fell to it causing the masses to howl in mirth and glee.Kicking and hopping they went around,elbowing each other out of the way, with the man timing his shots to some hidden beat.His aim was true, the appreciative crowd noted.Lively they pranced egged on by the sweetness of his blows.Bending,twisting and swooning they capered putting the troupe master into a sweat from his endeavours. -
Swish,Swish Swish Swosh.
The groaning lads hobbled away to feed on some damp bread as the man was applauded and hailed with a rain of flowers and confetti. "Who needs Beyoncé when you have that?",beamed Grimm to a mesmerized VWBus. -
Er.... I appear to only have one shoe with me and its a ballet pump of all things. Bugger.
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Charlie Seiga wrote:
Still a midfield general all the same Charlie.Er.... I appear to only have one shoe with me and its a ballet pump of all things. Bugger.
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We are back to the big game and Boffer runs with the ball.He finds himself tackled by a shovel wielding Sowini but easily wrenches the tool out of Sowini's calloused hands and rains blows down upon his legs,turning them into jelly and giving them the appearance of pantyhose. The defense appears to back away from him as he runs open mouthed so that his teeth show.He has a crazed look about him,what with one eye on the ball and the other looking at the blimp in the sky.Heart pounding and lungs burning,Boffer makes it into the penalty box and chips the ball over the surprised goalie's head.
GOOOAL!!!!
Flushed and breathing heavily,Boffer is shocked to find himself surrounded by the opposition and lofted into the air as a hero.
3⃣-2⃣ It was an own goal. -
vishbume wrote:
Pure brilliance!Lil'Dwayne makes a dash for the opposition goal only to have The Harvestor,the FV seasoned defender,cast his seed into his face.Lil' Dwayne goes down like a sack of potatoes
Vish, you never cease to exceed expectations.
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Aahhh, fuck it!
Bloody cyst chatting away is always a distraction, sorry guys 😞 -
I'm here for the halftime show.
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