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A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fucking missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn't help mutter, "Oh fuck!
The priest said, "That's it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".
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How does a guy know he has a high sperm count?
The girl has to chew before she swallows.
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Good one
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💀ՏɧʀɪɲʉϮ💀 wrote:
Ohhhhhh that's just fucking wroooong.How does a guy know he has a high sperm count?
The girl has to chew before she swallows.
How can you tell an Amish girl isn't wearing underwear?
... She has dandruff on her shoes.
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A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says "Not an excuse. Just write with your other hand."
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Amish Hitman wrote:
Lmao. That was great.💀ՏɧʀɪɲʉϮ💀 wrote:
Ohhhhhh that's just fucking wroooong.How does a guy know he has a high sperm count?
The girl has to chew before she swallows.
How can you tell an Amish girl isn't wearing underwear?
... She has dandruff on her shoes.
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dasze wrote:
LolA high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says "Not an excuse. Just write with your other hand."
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dasze wrote:
😂😂😂A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says "Not an excuse. Just write with your other hand."
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Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that is about to crash.
The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the 3 Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
The lawyer says "Fuck the Boy Scouts!"
The priest says, "Do we have time?" -
The average size of a penis in America, 4"
The average size if a penis in Britian 6"
The average size of a penis in Iceland 8"
That's why mums go to Iceland! -
Сюмшдиdэя. Рщи wrote:
😊Soooo far from the truthThe average size of a penis in America, 4"
The average size if a penis in Britian 6"
The average size of a penis in Iceland 8"
That's why mums go to Iceland! -
Сюмшдиdэя. Рщи wrote:
?The average size of a penis in America, 4"
The average size if a penis in Britian 6"
The average size of a penis in Iceland 8"
That's why mums go to Iceland! -
💀ՏɧʀɪɲʉϮ💀 wrote:
I think you have that wrongСюмшдиdэя. Рщи wrote:
?The average size of a penis in America, 4"
The average size if a penis in Britian 6"
The average size of a penis in Iceland 8"
That's why mums go to Iceland! -
A priest is walking up a hill and hears johnny swearing while pushing his gocart he says "boy, you shpuldn't swear like that god is everywhere"
To which Johnny replies "is he in that tree?"
"yes my son"
"is he across the the road there?"
"yes my son"
Is he in my go-kart?"
"he is" johnny turns to his kart and says "well tell the fat fucker to get out and help push, this cart is heavy" -
dasze wrote:
hahahaha this is the most entertained ive been by the forums in monthsA sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fucking missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn't help mutter, "Oh fuck!
The priest said, "That's it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".
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The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall, with a very strange look on his face. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what's up.
"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once."
"Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.
"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's too afraid to cough."
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dasze wrote:
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "Fuck, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fucking missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn't help mutter, "Oh fuck!
The priest said, "That's it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".
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This is the most entertaining thread in a while. Lol
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A man comes down satairs and goes in the kitchen where his wife is, she says that the light is flickering and asked him to fix it, the husband replys, do I look like a electrition, and goes to the bar for a drink. When he gets back home he notices the light is fixed, he asks his wife who fixed the light and the wife replies, " the nieboor did, he said he would fix it for either a cake or a blowjob", so the husband asks "what kind of cake did you make him?" she replies with "do I look like Betty Crocker?"
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Two good old boys are sittin' on a porch swing watching an old hound lick his balls. One of them says "I wish I could do that". The other guy says "That dog would bite you".
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How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
....
....
Put a nipple on it. -
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you to
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How can you tell if your girlfriend ia a hillbilly?
She can give you head while chewing her tobacco and still keep track of which one to spit and which one to swallow.
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What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full.
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Amish Hitman wrote:
Jokepedia?He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you to
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Nope. Ebaumsworld I think.
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Superman is flying around the city and on top of a building he sees wonder woman naked.So he thinks I'm faster than a speeding bullet I can do this. So he does it it takes him less than a second. All wonder woman feels is a gust of wind so she opens her eyes and says "what was that" And invisible man says "I don't know but my butt sure hurts"
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Why was the blonde having a bad day?
Because her tampon was on her ear and she couldn't find her pensilA blonde a brunett and a ginger were in the pregnesy test center. The ginger said " I'm going to have a boy because I was on the bottom" The brunett replys " I'm going to have a girl cause I was on top". The blonde thinks for a moment and says " I'm going to have puppy's"!!!!
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What did the the two tampons talk about?
Nothing
They're both stuck up bitches! -
Сюмшдиdэя. Рщи wrote:
Average in korea 1/2 inchThe average size of a penis in America, 4"
The average size if a penis in Britian 6"
The average size of a penis in Iceland 8"
That's why mums go to Iceland! -
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't!
The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath.
The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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