Jokes contest
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mr gagnsta wrote:
LolTo mamas so fat last year we took her christmas picture and it's still printing.😂
What do you call a nun in a wechair?
Vergin mobileTo mamas so poor when the garbage truck come through she runs after it with a shopping list
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My wife came down from having a bath gave me a wink and said "I've just shaved my pussy and you know what that means?"
I said "yeah the fuckin plugholes blocked again!" -
Pippa Middleton's arse is like a J. K. Rowling book...
You know Harry's going to be in it!
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Got an envelope filled with chopped ham and pork in the post today.I hate spam mail.
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gzgrrzk wrote:
Hey I already made a thread. Delete this.Post your joke and tomorrow (23rd feb 2012-21:00gmt) I shall pick a winner who gets a choice between a turf with their invite code on it or a message sent to lots of people with their code on it(not a list-just mine and the winners code)
Post your joke now!!!!!! -
Beware of Alphabet Grenades…
if you throw them, it could spell disaster! -
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought 'he's trying to pull a fast one'.
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New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15Tub of Vaseline: £3 XL Box of Tissues: £2 The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless
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So I fancied a game of darts with my mate.
He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"
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A brunette is walking down a road saying "21, 21, 21, 21."
Over and over again.
So a blonde walks up to her and asks "Why are you counting like that?"
She replies "Follow me and I'll show you."
So the blonde follows and they walk for a bit, with the brunette carrying on with her counting. As they are going over a railroad track, the brunette speeds up and gets to the other side of the track before the blonde. She turns around and watches as the blonde is hit by a train, then continues walking, saying this time "22, 22, 22, 22." -
A scuba diver is swimming 20 feet underwater when he sees a man at the same depth with no equipment. Surprised, the scuba diver swims down another 10 feet and is shocked to see that the man with no equipment followed him. This time the diver descended another 25 feet, and still, the other man went down to the same depth. The scuba diver pulled out a waterproof chalkboard and wrote: How do you survive down hear with no equipment? The other man took the chalkboard and wrote: I'M DROWNING YOU IDIOT!!!
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Ever gone camping? I heard it's intense.....
In tents-intense
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Do you ever get that when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, 'I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'
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Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes
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My wife slipped on the ice this morning and cracked her head on the pavement, I immediately got on the phone to get help. "I'm sorry sir, I think its an ambulance you need" said the man on the phone."no"... I replied " trust me it's a crane."
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gzgrrzk wrote:
Dont bump your damn thread!Keep joking
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what did batman say to robin before getting in the batmobile ..... get in the batmobile
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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
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DID I WIN!?
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robgetts wrote:
The winner is decided at 9pm gmt 23rd febDID I WIN!?
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the_turf_lord wrote:
A testicalIf a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Lol -
Why are the mafia and a pussy similar? One slip of the tounge and your in deep shit
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Why are the fences around grave yards?
Because people are dying to get in💀 -
I had a funny joke but then I took an arrow to the knee
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After a couple gives birth to a baby, a nurse walks up to a 80 yr. old man congratulating him on being a paw paw, the old man looks and tells the nurse that's his baby, the nurse looked astonished, she asked how he did it, he replies it's like an old car you keep the oil changed the motor stays clean, the nurse was impressed. 1 yr passes and the nurse sees the same couple in the delivery room, and asked again how he did it, and received the same answer, keep the oil changed motor stays clean, she looked amazed. The following year she sees the couple yet again only this time she looked at the man puzzled. He said well aren't you gonna congratulate me, she says well your baby is black looks like you forgot to change the oil!
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Your so blonde that when the recipe said spray the bottom of the pan you flipped the pan over and sprayed the bottom!
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The winners are lefthook23 and mr gangsta
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Contest is officially over you can't win now I have got in touch with the winners but feel free to post your jokes anyway
Keeeeep joking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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