What's red and white and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
Forums › General Discussion › What's red and white and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?-
The Wall Behind Him!!!
Add RUMPLY for alliance
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Lol!
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So this little kid dies in a car wreck. When the child arrives in heaven St. Peter says "oh my. You poor little thing. You died so terribly so young. Because of this we have decided to grant you a wish before you get into heaven".
The child thinks it over for a while and looks to St. Peter saying "my wish is this. I want the rest of the little kids on earth to be safe from now on".The next day Micheal Jackson died.
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Rumply Forskin wrote:
OH SNAP!!! 😹😹So this little kid dies in a car wreck. When the child arrives in heaven St. Peter says "oh my. You poor little thing. You died so terribly so young. Because of this we have decided to grant you a wish before you get into heaven".
The child thinks it over for a while and looks to St. Peter saying "my wish is this. I want the rest of the little kids on earth to be safe from now on".The next day Micheal Jackson died.
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Come guys. Share your jokes here. Some of these threads are getting way to serious.
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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
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When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
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The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.
[Keep reading, it gets better.]
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
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I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
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A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. -
Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your ass." -
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
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Charlie - great story. Can I give the phone number of the collection company that calls me 5 times at day😄?
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If you like that one, google "Crippled Karen"
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Loved the syory chsrlie. Looking up the other one now
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That is awesome!!!
My buddies and I are laughing our collective balls off right now. -
Ok, there's a priest and a regular person at the urinals in a bathroom. They're going about there buisness when the regular guy looks down and sees something so he asks the priest, "hey father is that a nicotine patch?". The priest replies "why yes my son, it is", "well then why is it on your penis?" the man asks. "well since I put it down there I'm down to two butts a day" he replies "father I didn't know you smoked" says the man. The priest replies "I don't".
😳😋☺😹 -
ChainsawCharlie wrote:
IS THAT IT!!!!???"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
CONTINUE JACKASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
lol so what happened when you got there? -
Two old guys are sitting in a bar when the first one says, ‘Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.’
‘By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.’
‘By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about twenty degrees, no problem.’
‘I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.’
‘So,’ says his buddy, ‘what's your point?’
‘Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get.’ -
How do you know when it's bed time at Micheal Jacksons house?
When the big hand reaches the little hand.
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IBad IFish wrote:
TELL the rest please!!!! This is so funny!!! Thanks for making my day!!!😺😺😺ChainsawCharlie wrote:
IS THAT IT!!!!???"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
CONTINUE JACKASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
lol so what happened when you got there? -
ChainsawCharlie wrote:
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
Sounds like something I'd do!! U try the spoof app for the iPhone? Great for crank calls or just sending hookers to the guy next door to see him bugg out
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What do you call a guy who hangs out with 4 musicians?
A Drummer.
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Two guys walk into a bar, which is kinda dumb cause if the first guy walked right into it you would figure the second guy would see it .....
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What do you call a bug that gets stepped on?
Dead.
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A guy dies in a horrible car crash and is killed. He wakes up sitting on white clouds. A man walks over to him and says, "You can do anything you want here." So the guy does everything he ever wants. After about a week, he finishes and gets extremely bored. He goes over to the man who he first met and says, "Hey, I need something else to do. Heaven shouldn't be this boring!" The man laughs and replies, "What gave you the idea that this is heaven? This is hell."
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What do you call a mentally handicapped person who likes condiments? A musTARD.
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Autistic kids rock!
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Bump for The Black Smoke's story.
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KvnK wrote:
still the best story I've heard in a long time.Bump for The Black Smoke's story.
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Bump
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