The best joke you can come up with
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Eyecu wrote:
Did belial have a boner cuz the cop was hot officer Ashley?Ok, no one take offence to this. Belial, Nick and H@voc were in a car speeding. A cop pulled them over and said if all your dicks measured to equal or above 15 inches, I'll let you off without a ticket. So H@voc and nick pull out their meat and the cop says "7in each, that's 14 inches". Then, Belial took out his meat. A measly one inch. The cop said "Well, um, I guess that's 15 inches, your free to go. When they got back in the car and drove off, Belial says "You guys are damned lucky I had a boner!"
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Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says "no bacteria allowed." The bacteria said "IT'S okay. We are STAFF
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Joke: there's a hot girl and sir talks a lot he trys to hit on her and when he starts make out with her he blows his load. (P.S. Remember it's for fun, no offense intended)
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Killing Man wrote:
That "joke" single-handedly almost ruined this thread.Joke: there's a hot girl and sir talks a lot he trys to hit on her and when he starts make out with her he blows his load. (P.S. Remember it's for fun, no offense intended)
Just awful
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Killing man so stupid. He got locked in a matress store and slept on the floor.
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Tim hortins came out with a new type of hot drink for the stanly cup finals. It was called the "canuck", however it didnt come WITH A CUP! (no offence)
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No-one get offended by this but...
Q:How do you fit six spazzez in a police car?
A:2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 1 one the top going 'NEE NAW! NEE NAW! NEE NAW!' -
Lawrie wrote:
Ha ha ha have not heard that joke in yearsNo-one get offended by this but...
Q:How do you fit six spazzez in a police car?
A:2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 1 one the top going 'NEE NAW! NEE NAW! NEE NAW!' -
Q what do you call a man with no legs and arms in a swimming pool????
A Bob
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Insane Dice1 wrote:
I got a bunch if these. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs...Q what do you call a man with no legs and arms in a swimming pool????
A Bob
On the wall
ArtOn the floor
MattWhat do u call a girl with 1 leg?
ilean
Where does she work?
IHOP -
A little kid walks in to the bathroom and sees her fathers dick... The kid says what's that? He answers thats my limo... Later the kid sees her mom naked and points at her tits and says what are thoughs? Her mom answers my headlights... She then asks what her pussy is and her mom answers my garage.....that night she walked into her parents room and asked if she could sleep with them and they said yes as long as u don't look under the blankets.... Well, curiosity got the best of the kid and she looked under the blankets and yelled “hurry mom turn on your headlights dads parking his limo in your garage!!!"
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3 woman sat drinking & talking bout sexy pet names they have 4 their husbands. 1st one says, "I call mine 'The Dentist' cause he knows how to drill & fill me!" 2nd one says, "I call mine 'The Miner' cause of his long dark shaft!" 3rd one says, "I call mine 'The Postman' " The other 2 women smile & ask, "Why?" She replies, "Because his sacks always full, he takes ages 2 come & if he can't deliver at the front, he'll try round the back !
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I was at the airport & a guy came up to me & said "lost something mate" I said "yes my wife!" he said "Me too!" I said "What does she look like?" he said "Blonde, long tanned legs, wearing a mini skirt, no knickers, no bra, big tits & a see thru top!" Whats yours look like?
I said "Who gives a fuck lets look for yours! -
....Palringo❕
😹😹😜 -
ĐΞΔĐМΔИ™ wrote:
lol!Did you hear about the dyslexic guy that walked into a bra?
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CrackaMike wrote:
LMFAO nice one 😹😹😹....Palringo❕
😹😹😜 -
a fish swam into something and said 'oh dam'
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It was my mate's funeral this week. He was always a practical joker, and fair play, he made us laugh right to the end. Silly fucker had the coffin rigged somehow so that when it was being lowered into the ground, a tape of him saying, "Ha! Fooled you... I'm alive!" started playing. It was followed by things like, "Lads... Really. I'm not dead, let me out!"We were all in stitches. Even the Vicar was pissing himself.RIP Dave... Fucking legend.
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lemonthebarber wrote:
Holy shit I should do something like that at mine. And RIP Dave.It was my mate's funeral this week. He was always a practical joker, and fair play, he made us laugh right to the end. Silly fucker had the coffin rigged somehow so that when it was being lowered into the ground, a tape of him saying, "Ha! Fooled you... I'm alive!" started playing. It was followed by things like, "Lads... Really. I'm not dead, let me out!"We were all in stitches. Even the Vicar was pissing himself.RIP Dave... Fucking legend.
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Anything else
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What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection?
A: quarter pounder with cheese!😺 -
A blonde is jogging and she collapses and dies in the hospital the docters wonder what is the last thing she was listening to on her iPod it said breath in out in out
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Killing Man wrote:
...A blonde is jogging and she collapses and dies in the hospital the docters wonder what is the last thing she was listening to on her iPod it said breath in out in out
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P1: Dude I wasn't that wasted last night
P2: Yeah you were. U were feeding a midget mushrooms and shouting "Grow MARIO! GROW!" -
I only know of one joke, but it's so funny the writer died writing it, and they used it was a weapons against the Germans in WWI
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Bloody Nokia predictive text. I only texted a few of my North London mates asking if they fancied a pint.
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joezingg:) wrote:
I don't think got the joke man lollemonthebarber wrote:
Holy shit I should do something like that at mine. And RIP Dave.It was my mate's funeral this week. He was always a practical joker, and fair play, he made us laugh right to the end. Silly fucker had the coffin rigged somehow so that when it was being lowered into the ground, a tape of him saying, "Ha! Fooled you... I'm alive!" started playing. It was followed by things like, "Lads... Really. I'm not dead, let me out!"We were all in stitches. Even the Vicar was pissing himself.RIP Dave... Fucking legend.
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A baby seal walks into a club.
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A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!" -
Ok so theirs this guy at tge beach with no arms or legs. There were 3 girls their that felt bad for him. The first one asked" have u ever been hugged before?" the man replies "no." so the girl hugs him.
The second girl asks the guy if hes ever been kissed before. The man replied "no". So she kissed him
The third girl asked " have u ever been fucked before ". The man replies in excitement " no ". The girl replies back, " well u are now!! The tides coming in!"
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