Happy Thread
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With all the depressing threads about mass murder and drug addiction, i decided to switch things up a bit. Ill kick things off with a joke
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
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Thank funny
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Thank you. That is real funny. Need laugh
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Haha, nice!
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Lol! Nice. Now give us some more.
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Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
HahaWith all the depressing threads about mass murder and drug addiction, i decided to switch things up a bit. Ill kick things off with a joke
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
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Q: Hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring?
A: He decided to stick it out a little longer. -
Haha 😹
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Need more jokes
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A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands."
"What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking." -
Hahahaha, nice one
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3 guys are greeted by An angel at the pearly gates. Angel says "well you made it this far that means you got into heaven...but there is a class structure here in heaven and one question determines how you'll live your life while you're here". Angel turns to the first guy and says "how many times did you cheat on your wife?". The guy thinks fr a minute and says "well I cheated on her 14 times". The angel looks up and down in his book and says "I appreciate your honesty you're allowed in but you have to drive around heaven in this 1991 ford tempo". The angel asks the second guy; "well I've cheated on my wife twice" Again the angel checks his records "I appreciate your honesty" and hands him the keys to a 2011 chevy cobalt. The angel turns to the last guy whose smiling ear to ear "I've never cheated on my wife" angel looks at his records and says "wow that's great" and hands him the keys to a brand new Porsche.
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A couple weeks later all three guys are at a stop light in heaven. The first two guys look over and see the third guy crying his eyes out. One of them says "hey what do you have to be sad about? You're driving through heaven in a Porsche.". The third guy turns, wipes his tears and says; "ya but I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!"
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3 woman sat drinking & talking bout sexy pet names they have 4 their husbands. 1st one says, "I call mine 'The Dentist' cause he knows how to drill & fill me!" 2nd one says, "I call mine 'The Miner' cause of his long dark shaft!" 3rd one says, "I call mine 'The Postman' " The other 2 women smile & ask, "Why?" She replies, "Because his sacks always full, he takes ages 2 come & if he can't deliver at the front, he'll try round the back !
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Marky G wrote:
Hahahahahahahahaha3 woman sat drinking & talking bout sexy pet names they have 4 their husbands. 1st one says, "I call mine 'The Dentist' cause he knows how to drill & fill me!" 2nd one says, "I call mine 'The Miner' cause of his long dark shaft!" 3rd one says, "I call mine 'The Postman' " The other 2 women smile & ask, "Why?" She replies, "Because his sacks always full, he takes ages 2 come & if he can't deliver at the front, he'll try round the back !
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As I wrote the novel that was my last joke I realized it's one to be told, not read. Maybe this one is too...
What's green, and grows, and has wheels?
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BigBK wrote:
What?What's green, and grows, and has wheels?
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Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
Nice haha. I just finished golfing actually. I shot my best round ever today. -1 on the front +1 on the back to shoot par. Had 4 birdies total, made birdies on 16 and 18 to bring myself back to even.With all the depressing threads about mass murder and drug addiction, i decided to switch things up a bit. Ill kick things off with a joke
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
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Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
Grass...I lied about the wheels.BigBK wrote:
What?What's green, and grows, and has wheels?
Also I'm sorry I made you wait for that. I got aide tracked with RL. I'll make it up to you.
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BigBK wrote:
Haha you dont need to make it up to me..Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
Grass...I lied about the wheels.BigBK wrote:
What?What's green, and grows, and has wheels?
Also I'm sorry I made you wait for that. I got aide tracked with RL. I'll make it up to you.
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Ghetto,
...you the man!
Your namesake says 'woof' too... -
Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
I think the original is with Aunt Betty or some shit, but still funny!A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands."
"What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking." -
A guy woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover. Next to the bed was a couple of aspirins, a glass of water, and a note from his wife? "Honey, there`s a hot breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. Love, your wife." He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He stumbles into the bathroom and notices a huge black eye. After shaving, he goes to the kitchen, and sees that the hall mirror is broken too. His son is in the kitchen and as he`s eating his huge breakfast the guy asks the son what all this is about. "Well, last night you came home drunk off your ass, stumbled into the mirror and hit your head on the doorknob. Mom helped you to bed, and as she`s trying to get your pants off you kicked her away and said get off me lady, Am I married?."
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Ok ok ok I got it...
So I went to give my girlfriend an Eskimo kiss the other day and she wouldn't let me. Just pushed me away. I wondered why so I asked her...turns out she's just not that Inuit.
...you're welcome 👍
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Nothing 😪
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Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
This.A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands."
"What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking." -
She just wasn't that INUIT! Get it? Get it? I slay me.
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BigBK wrote:
Your comments after your joke were funnier than the actual jokeShe just wasn't that INUIT! Get it? Get it? I slay me.
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Ghetto Monstazz wrote:
I please to aim...now you know why my WIFE is the stand up comedian and not me.BigBK wrote:
Your comments after your joke were funnier than the actual jokeShe just wasn't that INUIT! Get it? Get it? I slay me.
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