Hilarious jokes!

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PØÇ Mar 21, 2011

A pregnant lady was pregnant with triplets and she goes to the bank and the bank robber shoots her three times in the stomach. Fortunately she lives. Although the doctor tells her that when her children are older, the bullets will come out of them. She gives birth to the triplets, two girls and a boy. 13 years later one of the girls comes to her mother and says, "I was going to the bathroom and a bullet came out!" So the mother explained the story of when she was shot to her daughter. A few days later, her other daughter comes to her and says, "I was going to the bathroom and a bullet came out!" So then the mom explained to her other daughter he story. Another few days later the boy comes to his mom, and the mom says, "let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" And the son said, "No, I was wackin off and I shot the dog!!!!!!!!!"
gilly214 Mar 21, 2011

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY
skyman724 Mar 21, 2011

Always good to hear about horny 13-year old murderers..............
🔥zUntamed🔥 Mar 21, 2011

Lol
Chazzo Mar 21, 2011

Blonde and brunette walkin down the road. Brunette says "look a dead bird!". Blonde looks up in the air and goes "Where?!"
TJChip481 Mar 21, 2011

Okay, a priest and a nun are out golfing, and the priest goes first. He tees up and swings, but misses the ball. "Shit, I missed!" "Father, watch your tongue!" The nun tells him. "Yeah, yeah..." Then the priest swings and misses again "Shit, I missed!" "Father! Stop that!" "You're throwing off my swing! Back off!" The priest misses again "Shit! I missed! "Father, if you curse again, may the Lord strike you down where you stand!" "Alright, one more time. I got this" The priest tees up one last time, lines up his shot, takes a deep breath... and misses "Shit I-" Just then, a lightning bolt flashes and burns the nun to cinders, and a deep, booming voice descends from the sky... "Shit, I missed!"
Rokem Mar 21, 2011

TJChip481 wrote:
Okay, a priest and a nun are out golfing, and the priest goes first. He tees up and swings, but misses the ball. "Shit, I missed!" "Father, watch your tongue!" The nun tells him. "Yeah, yeah..." Then the priest swings and misses again "Shit, I missed!" "Father! Stop that!" "You're throwing off my swing! Back off!" The priest misses again "Shit! I missed! "Father, if you curse again, may the Lord strike you down where you stand!" "Alright, one more time. I got this" The priest tees up one last time, lines up his shot, takes a deep breath... and misses "Shit I-" Just then, a lightning bolt flashes and burns the nun to cinders, and a deep, booming voice descends from the sky... "Shit, I missed!"

Lmao!!
Tweek Mar 21, 2011

Rokem wrote:
TJChip481 wrote:
Okay, a priest and a nun are out golfing, and the priest goes first. He tees up and swings, but misses the ball. "Shit, I missed!" "Father, watch your tongue!" The nun tells him. "Yeah, yeah..." Then the priest swings and misses again "Shit, I missed!" "Father! Stop that!" "You're throwing off my swing! Back off!" The priest misses again "Shit! I missed! "Father, if you curse again, may the Lord strike you down where you stand!" "Alright, one more time. I got this" The priest tees up one last time, lines up his shot, takes a deep breath... and misses "Shit I-" Just then, a lightning bolt flashes and burns the nun to cinders, and a deep, booming voice descends from the sky... "Shit, I missed!"

Lmao!!

Did you have to quote the whole joke to say lmao? :)
PØÇ Mar 21, 2011

TJChip481 wrote:
Okay, a priest and a nun are out golfing, and the priest goes first. He tees up and swings, but misses the ball. "Shit, I missed!" "Father, watch your tongue!" The nun tells him. "Yeah, yeah..." Then the priest swings and misses again "Shit, I missed!" "Father! Stop that!" "You're throwing off my swing! Back off!" The priest misses again "Shit! I missed! "Father, if you curse again, may the Lord strike you down where you stand!" "Alright, one more time. I got this" The priest tees up one last time, lines up his shot, takes a deep breath... and misses "Shit I-" Just then, a lightning bolt flashes and burns the nun to cinders, and a deep, booming voice descends from the sky... "Shit, I missed!"

Ahahaha That was pretty funny.
Rokem Mar 21, 2011

Tweek wrote:
Rokem wrote:
TJChip481 wrote:
Okay, a priest and a nun are out golfing, and the priest goes first. He tees up and swings, but misses the ball. "Shit, I missed!" "Father, watch your tongue!" The nun tells him. "Yeah, yeah..." Then the priest swings and misses again "Shit, I missed!" "Father! Stop that!" "You're throwing off my swing! Back off!" The priest misses again "Shit! I missed! "Father, if you curse again, may the Lord strike you down where you stand!" "Alright, one more time. I got this" The priest tees up one last time, lines up his shot, takes a deep breath... and misses "Shit I-" Just then, a lightning bolt flashes and burns the nun to cinders, and a deep, booming voice descends from the sky... "Shit, I missed!"

Lmao!!

Did you have to quote the whole joke to say lmao? :)

Yes I did lol
Mr. Satsuma Mar 23, 2011

Every joke has made me smile. Only question, why was the boy with the dog whilst doing his "activities"? 🙇+🐶=💀
PØÇ Mar 24, 2011

That was my question lol
קřㅌלㅜïפㅌ Mar 24, 2011

Mr. Satsuma wrote:
Every joke has made me smile. Only question, why was the boy with the dog whilst doing his "activities"? 🙇+🐶=💀

Same here!! the dog?
PØÇ Mar 24, 2011

Anyone got any others?
Iceberg_Slim Mar 24, 2011

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur? The rabbit says no, why? The bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Pinz Mar 24, 2011

A hunter spots a small brown bear and shoots it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder, turns around, and is face to face with a big black bear. ‘You’ve got two choices,’ says the bear. ‘I maul you, or we have sex.’
The guy opts to take it from the bear. After recovering for two weeks, the pissed-off hunter searches out and shoots the big black bear. Just then he feels another tap on his shoulder, and turns to see a 10-foot grizzly standing over him.
‘Admit it,’ says the bear. ‘You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?’
Pinz Mar 24, 2011

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The husband turned to his wife and said, 'Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

She said 'Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis.'
Iceberg_Slim Mar 24, 2011

A baby seal walks into a club...