Family Picker

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OttoNorse May 19, 2022

V:You are new?
N:Yeah. Just started last month.
V:How’s it going for ya
N: Pretty good, I want to level up fast and buy a lot of loot crates
V: Those are both bad ideas. Go read the help forum. There’s a lot of great info in there.
N: I don’t like reading very much
V: Well, good luck then.
N: I am pissed off, these guys in my mob keep attacking me.
V: Well, mob is just a number, everyone is in everyone’s mob. The more mob you have the stronger you are - but it is meaningless beyond that.
N: Oh. I thought it was like a team. Or a gang.
V: Nah, you are thinking of families.
N: Ok. Well I gotta get in a family. I hate getting beat up.
V: Well, lucky for you, we have this Family-Picker tool. It’s like the hat thing in Harry Potter.
N: Cool. Yeh. I’m Slithering, so how do I join the Slithering mob.
V: Not mob, family. And there isn’t a Slithering family that I know of. So, here, just answer these questions and it will spit out a little yellow card with the name of the family most like you.
OttoNorse May 19, 2022

Questions:
V: What is your goal for this game
N: Fight. I want to kick ass. I want to stuff people in trash cans. A lot.
V: Do you generally get along with others.
N: No, I hate everyone.
V: Do you like making plans and solving hard problems.
N: No. I hate that. That sounds like school.
V: Do you want someone in charge to tell you what to do?
N: If they tell me to kick ass. Then yeah.
V: We already know you don’t like reading, so I’ll mark that no.
N: Yeah. Reading sucks.
V: What do you do when you get frustrated
N: I smash my action figures, they are not dolls, and I like yelling at people. I say stuff like, ‘yeah…you better run, I’ll stab you, I’ll put poop down you bloody neck hole, I’ll ruin your whole life, a lot, I’ll make you cry like when your uncle does the bad touch thing. Stuff like that. If my mom’s at work I say more bad words.
OttoNorse May 19, 2022

V: Would you rather be someone important in a smaller group or a tiny insignificant part in a massive army.
N: Well, you said the more mob is more stronger, so yeah. The huge thing. But in a big huge mob that always wins.
V: Again, family not mob, but gotcha. Checking that box…. Ok, now for the last few questions… If you could go on an all expenses paid vacation anywhere in the world, would you rather a) South Pacific beach resort b) Swiss Alps chalet c) 5-Star Parisian hotel d) Patagonian wilderness trek or E) Other?
N: I hate going places and being outside hurts my eyes. I just wanna sit in my basement room and play games. My mom slides food under my door.
OttoNorse May 19, 2022

V: Ah. Ok. We are getting close…. Ok, last question, which of these do you like the most: Flowers, Rocks, Water, Cars or cow manure?
N: Flowers are sissy, rocks hurt my feet, I can’t swim so no water and cars are outside and I hate outside. So I guess the last one.
V: Ok, so you want to be a nameless pawn blindly following directions, kept in the dark and lots of cow shit. Well, here’s your ideal family match…
Ꭱ3V May 19, 2022

“If my moms at work I say more bad words” 😂😂😂😂
Ivory Harris May 19, 2022

This right here is fucking EPIC!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Y๏shi May 19, 2022

Thanks for joining my mob. How do I start a vandata?
✽ⒶⓁⒾⒺⓃ✽ May 19, 2022

If I could give you points like those reddit moons or whatever… I’d give you a million. This is the funniest shit ever. 😂👍🏽