A Godfather is relaxing at a bar

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Mickey Dunn Dec 9, 2018

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young henchmen waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.
“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I got a job I need you to do for me”
“Anything you need, Godfather. Just tell me what to do.”

“I want you to go back to the john, and I want you to whack off.”

Jimmy’s silent for a moment.

“Um... excuse me, Godfather, I coulda sworn you just told me to—“

The Godfather holds up his hand, silencing him.

“Jimmy, it’s for the family.”

Jimmy snaps to attention.

“Got it, Godfather. For the family.”

Whereupon he goes back to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he comes out, throws up his arms in a Victory salute and cries, “Mission accomplished!”

"So Godfather, is there anything else I can do for you?"
Mickey Dunn Dec 9, 2018

The Godfather says, “You’re a good boy, Jimmy. I like your style.” Then he says, “Do it again.”

“WHAAA—!” Jimmy starts to protest. But The Godfather cuts him short with,
“Jimmy, it’s for the family.”

Jimmy says, albeit dubiously, “Ok, Godfather. Whatever you say.”

This time he’s gone for a bit longer. When he comes out, he’s nowhere near as enthusiastic. Still, he goes back to The Godfather and reluctantly asks, “Is there...um... you got anything else, Godfather?”

The old man just stares at him, a slight smile at the corners of his mouth. Slowly, Jimmy gets the message.

“Oh nooo...”

The Godfather holds up one finger. “One more time, Jimmy.”

This time, he’s in the John a lot longer. When he comes out, a layer of sweat coats his pasty skin. His eyes have a glassy look. He says to The Godfather in desperation, “Godfather, this thing you have asked of me: I’ve given it my all. I swear to you, Godfather, I have given everything I’ve got. There is nothing left to give.”

“Take it easy, Jimmy. You done good.
Mickey Dunn Dec 9, 2018

I got something else I want you to do.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of keys and hands them to Jimmy.

“Here’s the keys to my car. I want you to drive out to the airport and pick up my daughter.”
OttoNorse Dec 9, 2018

Oh no that’s not necessary Godfather, she’s in an Uber on her way here

Jimmy, how do you know this thing?

Um... well you see Godfather...I was on FaceTime with her just now
༺ ᗪᗰᒪ ༻ Dec 9, 2018

Moral of the story; if we all pull together we can have a white Christmas.