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I had a good pun about insanity but then I lost it...
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Why are there trees along the Chanpes Elysees in Paris?
So the Germans could march in the shade.Why don't the French use MasterCard?
They don't know how to say "charge". -
Little Johnny comes home mad and kicks a hen and a pig out of his way past the barn. His mother sees him and says, "I saw that. For kicking the chicken, you get no eggs for a month. For kicking the pig, you get no bacon for a month."
Just then, his dad comes in, slams the door, and kicks the cat that was in his way. Little johnny says, "Mom, do you want to tell him, or should I?" -
What does a fastfood vendor say when he flirts with a girl? I'll put my wiener between your hotdog buns!
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Why did the Cowboy get a wiener dog?
He wanted a long little doggie.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean Beef.
What do you call a cow with No legs?
Ground Beef.
Yes I have grandchildren. 👴 👍🐢 LT -
1:Knock knock
2:Whose there
1:9/11
2:9/11 who
1:you said you never forget -
LaTortuga wrote:
There, fixed it for ya.Why did the Cowboy adopt a wiener dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.🐢 LT -
pudge wrote:
I can always make my wife scream twice during sex.
First, I put it in her butt...
Then, I wipe my dick off on the drapes.
(Ba dum duh)😂😂😂do it all the time😂😂😂
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You guys even hear the one joke about the broken pencil, oh wait it has no point✨
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A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "5 beers, please."
✌️ -
What do you call crystal clear pee?
1080P
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 -
A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13,TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
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The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
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A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. There was no sign of the missing men. -
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists, because they feared an international incident. They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach and, sure enough, found the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?" "Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male." -
Innocent Saba wrote:
Czechoslovakia doesn't exist anymore. :)A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. There was no sign of the missing men. -
Why couldn't john kill the lion?
The lion already got him
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I have a good one, but first let me tell you a fun fact. If you cut out all your veins out of your bidy to measure them, you would die of blood loss before even measuring the actual length.
Actual joke: The actual joke
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Crap, body*
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