Creative Writing: whatcha think for a beginning?
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The night was black as tar. I could see nothing, not even my own soul. I could not hear, not even my own conscience. I dropped to my knees. Tears started to pour out of my black eyes. My tears spattered on the cold, black ground. I let out a thunderous scream that echoed in the vast, souless space. I buried my tear soaked face into my lap and wept. I let my weak body go limp and rolled to my side, letting my head split open on the hard ground. I lay there on the ground of red without care in the world. I was miserable. I was lost.
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i think it says tears too many times, and black. maybe just look up synonyms on dictionary. c o m and i think you are good! and maybe change the second souless also. and the only part i didnt get was the souless part because you cannot see souls in the first place.
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Creative yes, but awfully depressing
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Grimm will probably tell you that it needs more dragons and shit. Repetition is a good thing to utilize for effect.But, I imagine rolling to the side an understatement if the result is a split melon of a head.Creative writing,keep it up.
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💋ƀཞḭʑʑ💋 wrote:
I say soulless to magnify the loneliness. You can sense an entity watching you? There is none, this feeling lonely and distressed.Plus.... Can people generally see their own soul? Unless this is sci fi and it will later be addressed that this is a world where the soul is something you can see, it's pretty distracting.
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It's only a part of the entire story. I've already written the whole story, which will make the beginning make sense once you read the whole thing.
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Visɧɓuɱe wrote:
Creative writing is my style. My goal is for my readers to be able to imagine the whole thing like a movie in their head as they read it.Grimm will probably tell you that it needs more dragons and shit. Repetition is a good thing to utilize for effect.But, I imagine rolling to the side an understatement if the result is a split melon of a head.Creative writing,keep it up.
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Too many sentences begin with "I" or "my." Also, do you know what cadence is? If not, Google it. It can apply to sentences, too. Making a few simple changes can really beef up your writing
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I thought all the best stories started once upon a time.....
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✮⇚❹☠❶☠❺⇛✮ wrote:
I do that in attempt to create a rhythm in my writing. Kinda creates a dramatic moment. Make sense?Too many sentences begin with "I" or "my." Also, do you know what cadence is? If not, Google it. It can apply to sentences, too. Making a few simple changes can really beef up your writing
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I can see what you were trying to do but I think you tried too hard and didn't think enough about the connotations a lot of the adjectives have. Also, brizz is right about the soul bit. It just doesn't make sense and overshadows the rest of the paragraph. Good effort though, keep working on it!
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Also, from what you described you would not only be miserable and lost. In all likelihood you would also be dead or dying.
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༦ᵑყͦიͫǥͣɪͩ༤ wrote:
It's more of like a location in your mind. You just have to read the whole story to follow. Somewhat between dimensions where nothing exists. Hard to explain lolAlso, from what you described you would not only be miserable and lost. In all likelihood you would also be dead or dying.
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What is the name of your piece?
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Pure Epic wrote:
A Friend From HeavenWhat is the name of your piece?
Yeah it don't make sense. It will when you read the whole story.
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Visɧɓuɱe wrote:
And wizards. Don't forget wizards.Grimm will probably tell you that it needs more dragons and shit. Repetition is a good thing to utilize for effect.But, I imagine rolling to the side an understatement if the result is a split melon of a head.Creative writing,keep it up.
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💋ƀཞḭʑʑ💋 wrote:
This makes so much sense about what you are saying to me. Thank you!Here's the biggest thing I have to say to you from one writer to the other: you have to learn to ACTUALLY take criticism. I'll say a lot more to you privately about your piece, but this is something everyone who writes needs to hear. You can't say things like "I meant to do that" or "you didn't understand what I was going for." It isn't the readers job to puzzle out your attempt; if you are attempting something, then YOU are responsible for conveying it.
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Mai ka lani mai?
Literally "From The Heaven" or
figuratively "Heaven-Sent" -
❎❎~REVENGE~❎❎ wrote:
And ninjas don't forget ninjas.Visɧɓuɱe wrote:
And wizards. Don't forget wizards.Grimm will probably tell you that it needs more dragons and shit. Repetition is a good thing to utilize for effect.But, I imagine rolling to the side an understatement if the result is a split melon of a head.Creative writing,keep it up.
It's 'needs more dragons and wizards and ninjas and shit!' -
ℒ੫ѵℬуɾძ❤ᵃᵈᵈƦƴɗ wrote:
What language is that? Sounds pretty!Mai ka lani mai?
Literally "From The Heaven" or
figuratively "Heaven-Sent" -
🌴Hawaiian🌺😉
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