Celebrate Jokes!
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Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. "Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he noted.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church."
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" asked the priest.
"Oh, $2,000 a week." said the old lady.
"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?" questioned the priest.
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
The impressed priest said, "That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"
"Well," said the lady, "he tells me he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in Dallas."
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The teacher was telling her students in the sex education class about human anatomy. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of the female and said, "the female has two breasts and one vagina."
She then pointed to the male picture and said, "The male has one penis."
Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and said, "That's wrong teacher."
"Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Johnny?" begged the teacher.
My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny. "One that's about three inches long that he pees with, and another one that's about eight inches long that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with!"
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no !" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
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With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight."
His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!"
The husband said, "I know all that."
"Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife.
The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."
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Lol
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As always....great jokes Sky!! Hope all is well with you....
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More
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What do you call a $500 paper weight,that requires you to be plugged into the Internet 24/7?
I'll give you one clue it's not a PS4. 😂😂😂 -
The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. The chef then proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen."That's nothing," said the manager, "you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
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The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"
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😂😂😂😂😂
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👏👏👏 more please.
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More!
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These are hilarious 😂😂😂
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☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
Don't gets it :(Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. "Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he noted.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church."
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" asked the priest.
"Oh, $2,000 a week." said the old lady.
"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?" questioned the priest.
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
The impressed priest said, "That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"
"Well," said the lady, "he tells me he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in Dallas."
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ИЕШ☠ВГЕЕD wrote:
Cat house is another name for a brothel.☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
Don't gets it :(Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. "Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he noted.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church."
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" asked the priest.
"Oh, $2,000 a week." said the old lady.
"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
The impressed priest said, "That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"
"Well," said the lady, "he tells me he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in Dallas."
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A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer.
"Yes, I was a marine", responded the applicant. "Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs, I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10:00 AM."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
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4nick8r wrote:
Oh :P thanksИЕШ☠ВГЕЕD wrote:
Cat house is another name for a brothel.☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
Don't gets it :(Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her. "Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he noted.
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" asked the priest.
"Oh, $2,000 a week." said the old lady.
"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
The impressed priest said, "That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"
"Well," said the lady, "he tells me he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in Dallas."
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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
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Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."
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