I'm sick, you know that means JOKES!
Forums › General Discussion › I'm sick, you know that means JOKES!-
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn't sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter's bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, "That's normal, especially on her wedding night."
She snuck by her second oldest daughter's room and heard her laughing. "That's normal too," she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter's room where she didn't hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
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Continued....
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night's noises.
"Well Mom," she replied, "you always said if it hurt I should scream."
"You're absolutely right sweetheart," the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
"Now why were you laughing?" she asked.
"You always said if it tickled, I could laugh," she answered.
"True enough, honey." The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
"Now it's your turn, baby," she said turning to her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"
"Mom, don't you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full."
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👏👏👏👏👏
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That is golden stuff
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Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
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One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
...........
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Continued....
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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^ *laughing emoji*
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My girlfriend asked me to give her an orgasm, then the ungrateful bitch spits it out!
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§ SHЯIИUT § wrote:
😂My girlfriend asked me to give her an orgasm, then the ungrateful bitch spits it out!
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Excelsior mafia wrote:
😂😂§ SHЯIИUT § wrote:
😂My girlfriend asked me to give her an orgasm, then the ungrateful bitch spits it out!
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☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
AwesomeExcelsior mafia wrote:
😂😂§ SHЯIИUT § wrote:
😂My girlfriend asked me to give her an orgasm, then the ungrateful bitch spits it out!
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These are hilarious
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My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying: "Can I have a new bike?" He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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sadsam wrote:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Evil Genius at work 😈My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying: "Can I have a new bike?" He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.
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☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
😂😂😂Excelsior mafia wrote:
😂😂§ SHЯIИUT § wrote:
😂My girlfriend asked me to give her an orgasm, then the ungrateful bitch spits it out!
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I'll shorten this.
A guy plying golf hit a really bad ball which flies over the fence, hits a guy driving a bus he crashes and kills himself and others. The golfer says nothing and goes home. This troubles him terribly. After some time he desires to go see a Priest and clear his mind. He goes and tells the Priest everything and ask. Father what should I do?
The Priest replies. "try adjusting your grip next time". -
La tortuga wrote:
😂Now that's evil!I'll shorten this.
A guy plying golf hit a really bad ball which flies over the fence, hits a guy driving a bus he crashes and kills himself and others. The golfer says nothing and goes home. This troubles him terribly. After some time he desires to go see a Priest and clear his mind. He goes and tells the Priest everything and ask. Father what should I do?
The Priest replies. "try adjusting your grip next time". -
In a recent survey, 6 out of 7 dwarves said they were not happy.
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💗sͣwͩaͩgger💗 wrote:
😂😂😘In a recent survey, 6 out of 7 dwarves said they were not happy.
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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand."
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!"
The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
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The guy at the Job Centre said if I want this job, I've got to stand out from the rest at the interview.
I think this Onesie should do the trick.
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Theft from Apple Store in the Town Centre earlier, appeal for iWitnesses.
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💗sͣwͩaͩgger💗 wrote:
LolTheft from Apple Store in the Town Centre earlier, appeal for iWitnesses.
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