As the Council deliberates....
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The leper became excited,jumping and skipping to some internal tune."Only the parsimonious shall feed on such nosh",he chuckled as he squatted and nimbly sprinkled yellowed bumskin-flakes over the delegates' victuals.
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I watched Prime Ministers Questions last week too, pretty good summation there brother! 😄👍
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I'm gonna spend some more of this cocaine money on Don Points. Dirty Money Squad.
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Anyone seen my worlds fair spoon?
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〓 MR71VWBUS 〓 wrote:
I think they were underneath the elephant cageAnyone seen my worlds fair spoon?
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Trisha had only just awoken in bed.Lank greasy strands framed Cecil's face.His puffy eyes were looking at her and his lips parted as if to say something.
"Hush Cecil",she chided,"please do not ruin the moment with mindless chatter".
She got up to take a shower and left Cecil wallowing in a bed full of shit. -
I love your Irish folk tales. You have such a way with words.
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👍👍👍👍👍
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The lad retreated under a spray of rebuke,bile and invective.Superstitious awe enforced his acquiescence as he was brow-beaten out the vestry door.........Never again would he dare fart in the path of the Bishop.
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Bess paused the film,"Why do you rail against that poor Rocky Dennis so?Have you no heart?".Her eyes dared him to answer.
"Oh,I can feel for the guy with that huge swollen puddin' head and will freely admit my admiration for his having to flaunt that gnarly face day-in and day-out.....but,for the life if me,I cannot understand why he goes around with such yellow-brown gnashers.Is his malady so bad that he can't,at least,brush the fuckers?!".
Bess pressed play in answer. -
May his pipe never smoke, may his teapot be broke and to add to THE joke may his ketle never boil, may hè keep to THE bed till THE hour hes dead, may hè always be fed on hogwash and boiled oil, may hè swell with THE gout, may his grinders fall out, may hè howl and shout with THE horror toothache, may THE temples wear Horns, and THE toes many corns, cursed be thee, never to live another day, may hè die in pain, THE scum they call finlay.
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🏃💨fartex💩 wrote:
Beautiful Mr.F. Brought a tear to my stye.May his pipe never smoke, may his teapot be broke and to add to THE joke may his ketle never boil, may hè keep to THE bed till THE hour hes dead, may hè always be fed on hogwash and boiled oil, may hè swell with THE gout, may his grinders fall out, may hè howl and shout with THE horror toothache, may THE temples wear Horns, and THE toes many corns, cursed be thee, never to live another day, may hè die in pain, THE scum they call finlay.
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"I have,for the last 40 minutes,witnessed you chewing and chomping,salivating and squelching,and clucking with singular delight as you wadded the food into your wet flap of a mouth,licking your fingers all the whilst before wiping them on your now shiny lap".
"I have seen how your tongue vacuums and massages the mash and sends it down your gullet.Twice now you have coated me in cough-charged pulp and yet....and yet here you are now, asking to be excused so you can "powder you nose"!". -
"There by the trench are a horde of Vikings",I leaned over the parapet and followed the direction of his bony finger."And roving across the plain are Flamers and yonder the TWFC crew following their magnates.The Finlays follow their standard of nothing but a big black dot.Thankfully they have their backs to us for their penchant is to go into battle crotchless.The Firm menace with big sticks.Baic are the legion yelling and hopping with great zeal.The seemingly bedraggled column are followers and phantasms of DBR.The Keysersozes stand united waiting to break into a run.The banner of three dark horizontal lines hold council as the mass of Stars advance,The big chap is Dunn,there be Funkies and Yawners and Garters....".I nod and fail to hear more for the shouts are deafening."Who is that in the centre...Gandalf?".A chuckle with genuine mirth,"This is no story.That is Nick,the creator".
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Nice one master vish haha... Liked this one 👆👆👆
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The Maharahunch swear constantly in low mumblings and see any side look as an act of malice at which they launch themselves at the percieved aggressor's throat.Their wide flat faces are stained a primrose yellow with both cheeks tattooed with prancing stoats which are creatures of worship in their tribe.A thatch of red hair,shorn at the sides, is massed at the top of their narrow crowns and is allowed to fall over the eyes,as is the custom.On reaching puberty,their noses are split and the exposed cartilage moulded into something not unlike a swan's neck.They are chinless (the chin is sanded down) and have a type of egg-sac handcrafted from udders sewn in just under the head to woo the fairer sex.The size of the sac is allegedly in proportion to the bearer's member.Their foreheads are anointed every morning with a salve which is never washed away and is unctuous.A drop of this liquid could fetch a pretty penny in the markets and is much sought-after as mosquito repellant.
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Rival tribes forever try to catch and wash their enemies thus to neutralize the ooze.This is usually achieved by setting their young girls to bathing by riversides while they amass in the bushes.The ruse works most of the time and the "de-manned" individual is then shunned by his tribe and his sac withers away and falls off naturally so that he leaves the tribe and by perforce settles amongst us.
A useless fact but knowledge is power. -
Bill O'Reilly?
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Bi-curious George and the electric fence.
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Randy the razor goes to Artery town. A fun-filled tale of glee and misery.
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Far from plain,quite pretty if truth be told,she wore a knee-length dress of chalk-blue.She moved with a skip and had olive skin,sparkling eyes and delicate features which marked her out amongst her group of friends.Her figure slender and shapely,I watched her sit down at a nearby table.I sensed rather than saw furtive sidewise glances cast in my direction and thought to hear titters.I heaved a sigh and tried to punch some codes but smile sheepishly to myself and finally rose to my feet and stared at their table.She elevated her chin just a fraction and for just a moment our eyes met.I felt that feeling of being out of my body but she smiled the faintest of smiles and emboldened by this I approached with a crooked smile.She was a delight to look at.I sidestepped the departing waiter who had gone to their table with a tray of bowls.
I stood over them now with eyes only for her. -
I watched how she noisily began gulping down the content of the bowl and be spied clumps of caked dark bristle brown hair crowding out of her nostrils.The image caught me off guard and sent a shudder down my back.I quickly gathered my wits and asked if they had a light.Then,after lighting my pipe and a thank you,I marched away wide-eyed without a backward glance leaving smoke in my wake,cursing the time lost for punching codes.
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"I shall decorate our future home lavishly,bedizen it with all manners and hues of jewels yet ,still, it will not be enough. Fresh flowers everyday shall be placed with no thought to expense", he ardently promised,almost poignantly,with the tears welling up in his eyes.She looked into his hopeful,almost desperate face."But first you must give up playing with yourself in front of the computer",she said,devastating the young man,and dashing their future in the process.
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The Council dithers.
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Have no fear master vish, for ive heared so e of THE council members say: fuck dat shit...
Others ran off to smell some saddles, while some were hearing faint cryouts for help, wich they went to inspect but never Will come back 😳 -
🏃💨fartex💩 wrote:
True Mr.F,and the frenzied elbowing of the local football team to catch a whiff of Sally Corcoran's mudflap for the dubious honour of gulping down one of those rear-end howlers.A parody of soggy-biscuit of sorts,I suspect.It's not uncommon for her to leave her bike by the shop wall and go in for groceries only to find,on the way out,a gang of young lads sniffing and smooching the saddle.So her mother tells me.Have no fear master vish, for ive heared so e of THE council members say: fuck dat shit...
Others ran off to smell some saddles, while some were hearing faint cryouts for help, wich they went to inspect but never Will come back 😳 -
Funky and his Walrus gang seized their victim and dragged him to a small box with a small aperture and locked him within.Then they took it in turns to fire,from their exposed hams, salvos of fetid air into the hole by means of a rubber pipe.The ululating groans from inside took but a few blasts but all were in agreement that the liquid escape of unctuous goo from one eager walrus combined with the oven heat within was somewhat overplayed.
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The moaning subsided and it was one Grimm who decided to poke a butterfly into the hole.The lurid smile on his face showed that there was life yet in the box.
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⚜Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т⚜ wrote:
Billy creased his bushy unibrow in annoyance,put down his newspaper,looked over his shoulder,and swung about,"I am not the coxcomb here.Your arguments are devoid of facts and are ones that merit a swishing of my cane across your offensive gravewaxen face".Here Billy paused to gauge his adversary's reaction."Pah,I waste my time with such as yourself!".He returned to his chair after performing a quick punctilious bow and took to examining the contents of his nose.If Billy had had even a modicum of savvy,he would have seen how his remarks had stung his opponent...but alas he did not and thus he was taken totally off guard by the lash of the belt-buckle on his ear.Bill O'Reilly?
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The assailant heaved a deep breath and started to leave,oblivious to the indignant squeals of pain from Billy's mouth.He turned only to say,"Ausgustus Gloop WAS pushed into the chocolate river".With that,he was gone and,as such,was deprived of the image of welt-faced Billy casting lewd pelvic thrusts and gleefully screaming "that's a load of bollocks!"at his back.
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How to assume the identity of another player? The question has been discussed before but theories mentioned are sterile and more sagacity can be gained from the clicks and grunts of any typical village idiot.One solution not mentioned is the idea of a tablet of Noob concentrate which is moulded into the shape of a mentos and sold as such and then introduced into a coke. Then consumed by the chosen victim,it turns the interskeleter cartilage to jelly and the host goes entirely limp.Then ,with the use of a good gutting knife, the body is cleaned out.Once the skin is treated,a zipper is sewn in (or buttons according to taste).And hey presto,you got yourself a garment which,with a little nip and tuck,should fit you like a glove!Assuming the appearance is only half the battle,however ,for mannerisms must be learnt and adopted in order to beguile other players.This is infinitely more difficult if the player has a high profile or is part of an alliance.
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