Sky needs candy and jokes! Can ya help?
Forums › General Discussion › Sky needs candy and jokes! Can ya help?-
A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he shits all over the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Half time. Switch sides."
-
No!!! Sky! Behave! 😱😱😳😳
-
A husband and a wife are in the middle of an argument.
Frustrated, the husband says, "Women do not make sense, because they can feel more than one emotion at the same time. It's impossible for a man to feel two emotions at the same time and that allows them to think better. Therefore men are the superior gender."
The wife replies, "I can make you feel happy and sad at the same time with just ten words."
The husband defiantly exclaims, "That's a load of bull! Prove it!"
The wife looks at her husband, smiles, and says, "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."
-
Also, 🍬🍭🍫
-
Ty tweak!
La Tortuga, I'm desperate!
-
A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, excersize, and other things. Her final question to the dietician sparked interest in him. She asked,"How many calories are in sperm?"
"Why?" he replied. She explained some of the things she liked to do.
After thinking a minute he said,"I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it then no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
Candy please?
-
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.The driver got out and he was a dwarf.He said, "I'm not happy."I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
🍪🍫🍩 -
One more...
What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle?
Wipe it off and apologise 💦🐅
-
Bahahahahahahahahahaha ha
More candy!
-
🍪
How about a cookie? -
As a mailman begins his final day before retiring after 35 years of delivering mail, he approaches the first house on his route and is met by the resident and given a gift certificate to a restaurant.
At the second house the man gives him an assortment of fishing lures. The couple at the third house give him a box of fine cigars.
At the fourth house he met at the door by the lady of the house, she is wearing a very reveling negligee. She invites the mailman into the house and leads him into the bedroom, where she makes passionate love to him.
Then she gets up and cooks a breakfast of pancakes, eggs and bacon and serves it to him. Under his coffee cup the mailman finds a dollar bill. He asks her, What's the dollar for?". She replays, "Yesterday I asked my husband what we should do for you for your retirement. He told me, 'Fuck him, give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
-
I have one
One day there was an average man, then he came across turf wars, then he spent the rest of his life playing it, the end.
The funny thing is, I got on my phone to get a travel app
-
Love em all!
When I call out for jokes it is 1 of two things......
1. A special request
Or
2. I'm depressed and need it.I try not to be a whiner but sometimes, in smiles, fake it til you make it works.
So,BRAVA! Thank you
And please continue!
WIZZOO -
A old man in a car gets pulled over, his wife is in the passenger side. The cop walks up and says, I pulled you over for going 76 in a 66. The man then said ," I know I was only going 56." The wife then said," Harry you know you we're going 86." Then the cop goes, you also have a taillight out and I'll have to find you for it. The man got worked up and said, I do, I had no idea. The wife then said, you know that's been out for a week. The husband then hit his limit and started to curse out his wife, and the officer asked the woman, does he always talk to you like that. The wife then said, only when he's drunk!
-
A man walks into a time piece store and whips his dick out on the counter. The lady at the counter says "Sir this is a clock shop, not a cock shop." He replies "I know. I would like two hands and a face on this please."
-
Early this I heard a knock on the door. I opened and I kind lady asked, "Would you like to help with a raffle for poor little orphans?" I responded, "No thanks, with my luck I might win one."
-
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
-
☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
😂😂😂😂😂A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he shits all over the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Half time. Switch sides."
-
Amͭeͪrͤi☭an wrote:
I don't know why I find this one the funniest so far but I just do!This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.The driver got out and he was a dwarf.He said, "I'm not happy."I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
🍪🍫🍩 -
Me talking to a friend
Me:what mouse walks on two legs?
Friend:idk
Me:Mickey Mouse now what duck walks on two legs?
Friend:.........Donald Duck
Me:NO all ducks idiot
Friend: T.T -
A man and a woman were laying sound asleep in bed when a car pulls up the driveway. The woman gasps and says that it is her husband. The man jumps up and goes out the window though a few minutes later he comes back very angry and says "I am your husband you crazy lady!" Her response was "then why did you run?"
-
Warning this is a blond joke
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they spotted tracks. The first blond claimed they were deer tracks. The second blond said they were elk tracks. The third blond said they were both wrong and they were moose tracks. The blonds were still arguing when the train hit them.
Note this is a joke not meant to offend. -
Cobra !! wrote:
Haha! So simple. So harsh. So good.Warning this is a blond joke
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they spotted tracks. The first blond claimed they were deer tracks. The second blond said they were elk tracks. The third blond said they were both wrong and they were moose tracks. The blonds were still arguing when the train hit them.
Note this is a joke not meant to offend. -
A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, excersize, and other things. Her final question to the dietician sparked interest in him. She asked,"How many calories are in sperm?"
"Why?" he replied. She explained some of the things she liked to do.
After thinking a minute he said,"I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it then no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
-
3 men were killed early and rose to heaven. God made a deal with them saying he would drop them to the earth's surface and as they fell they would have to yell what they wanted to be in their new life. When the first guy is falling he yells"A CHITA!" He then transformed into a Chita and landed without harm. The second guy yells as he is falling"A ELEPHANT!". Then as the third man is falling he doesn't know what to be so he says"oh shit!" Which turns him into a 💩.
![[][]](https://turfwarsapp.com/img/app/ajax-forbutton.gif)
Purchase Respect Points NEW! · Support · Turf Map · Terms · Privacy
©2021 MeanFreePath LLC