Joke thread!!!😂😂😹😹
Forums › General Discussion › Joke thread!!!😂😂😹😹-
Post your best jokes here, here's mine
Things to do in the bathroom stall...1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.
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12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
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Aaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha! Can't wait for SadSam!!! JC, those are awesome! 😃 😂
Funny Work Place Signs
1. On a Butcher’s window: “Let me meat your needs.”
2. On another Butcher’s window: “Pleased to meat you.”
3. At a Used Car Lot: “Second Hand cars in first crash condition.”
4. On a fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”
5. At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
6. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”
7. Outside a Hotel: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”
8. At an Auto Body Shop: “May we have the next dents?”
9. On a desk in a Reception Room: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.” 😖 🔫
10. In a Cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.” -
1. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
2. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
3. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
5. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
6. Name your dog “Dog”.
7. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
8. Ask people what gender they are.
9. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
10.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
1. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
2. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
3. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
5 Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
6. Name your dog “Dog”. -
☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
I believe Jerry Seinfeld once described this as the "Florida Eventual Left" hahaha.4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A. Shoot him before he hits the water.
B. Take your foot off his head.Sorry to any lawyers, those are the best I've got. I'm not very impromptu funny, it usually happens by accident.
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That was halarious.
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When I'm stuck in a situation where I'm next to a guy in the urinal (he broke the man law), I've had a tendency to look down at my own junk and ask "does this look infected to you?"
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☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
At an Indian restaurant: Try our curry, you'll never get betterAaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha! Can't wait for SadSam!!! JC, those are awesome! 😃 😂
Funny Work Place Signs
1. On a Butcher’s window: “Let me meat your needs.”
2. On another Butcher’s window: “Pleased to meat you.”
3. At a Used Car Lot: “Second Hand cars in first crash condition.”
4. On a fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”
5. At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
6. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”
7. Outside a Hotel: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”
8. At an Auto Body Shop: “May we have the next dents?”
9. On a desk in a Reception Room: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.” 😖 🔫
10. In a Cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.” -
In a public restroom sing this song.
When your sitting on the John
And the toilet papers gone
Be a man
Use your hand. -
“⚡Տɧɑƌøա₭ɪɲɠ⚡ wrote:
It's funny all guys know what that is and most girls don't.When I'm stuck in a situation where I'm next to a guy in the urinal (he broke the man law), I've had a tendency to look down at my own junk and ask "does this look infected to you?"
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↝МЯംᎮɭḁḵ☠↜ wrote:
What do you call 1,000 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
I believe Jerry Seinfeld once described this as the "Florida Eventual Left" hahaha.4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A. Shoot him before he hits the water.
B. Take your foot off his head.Sorry to any lawyers, those are the best I've got. I'm not very impromptu funny, it usually happens by accident.
A good start. -
Boner Jams '03 wrote:
The difference between tragedy and disaster. A bout full of lawyers sinks is a tragedy. It's a disaster when they can all swim.↝МЯംᎮɭḁḵ☠↜ wrote:
What do you call 1,000 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
I believe Jerry Seinfeld once described this as the "Florida Eventual Left" hahaha.4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A. Shoot him before he hits the water.
B. Take your foot off his head.Sorry to any lawyers, those are the best I've got. I'm not very impromptu funny, it usually happens by accident.
A good start. -
Another thing to do in a bathroom stall is just start screaming like your possessed and burst out of the stall still screaming and banging on other stall doors.
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I hope I never end up in the men's room with any of you guys.
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One day I woke up for school, I was heading for the bathroom, when I saw a note saying it was a snow so go back to bed. So I did, pater I woke up and realized I just took orders from a paper😔
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In an elavator
1) When there are a lot of people say like Mr. Burns, so I suppose you wonder why I've gathered you here today?
2) Srop a pen and when someone reaches for it yell "THAT'S MINE"!
3) Look at someone and them slowly back away in horror and say "your one of them!"
4) Ask a hot boy/girl(your opposite gender preferably) if they could pop this huge pimple on you back.
5) Same as 4 but ask them to see if there is something wrong with your ( insert whatsit here)I have others if you found this funny
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In an elevator:
1.Stand in the corner facing the wall, don't get off and don't say anything.
2. Say Ding for every floor.
3. Greet every new passenger with a warm smile, firm hand shake and ask them to refer to you as Captain.
4. Draw a circle around yourself and announce that this is your personal space, directly in front of the doors.
5. Meow occasionally. -
☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
#7 😳1. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
2. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
3. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
5. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
6. Name your dog “Dog”.
7. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
8. Ask people what gender they are.
9. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
10.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
1. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
2. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
3. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
4. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
5 Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
6. Name your dog “Dog”. -
Dunlap2041 wrote:
...and most guys don't find it necessary to point that out“⚡Տɧɑƌøա₭ɪɲɠ⚡ wrote:
It's funny all guys know what that is and most girls don't.When I'm stuck in a situation where I'm next to a guy in the urinal (he broke the man law), I've had a tendency to look down at my own junk and ask "does this look infected to you?"
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Prospect and Mayhem, MORE!
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In a plane get a bag of like oatmeal or cereal. Make it look like vomit. Bring two spoons. Wait for some turbulence or randomly mid flight make a vomiting noise into the bag. Proceed to eat the mixture. Look at a horrified passenger and say "Oh where are my manners? Want some?" And offer the spoon
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I know a man with a wooden leg named smith
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Wrong thread sorry
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☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
I think we were looking at the same picture, he said half then I said the other half hahaha! Sorry I'm out!Prospect and Mayhem, MORE!
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★MΛΥΗΞΜ★ wrote:
Yes we were. I was like awwwwwww yeah! But the rest I've got is pretty much original as far as I know.☁ᎦkyᎢнєᏝiмiт☁ wrote:
I think we were looking at the same picture, he said half then I said the other half hahaha! Sorry I'm out!Prospect and Mayhem, MORE!
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1 say"I like your socks, but I like your ass even more!"(to th opposite sex
2 in the elevated say " are we nearly there yet?"
3 at football match boo the team supporters you are sat with
4 wink at someone really old in a sexy way
5 plank across the pavement by a busy road -
Go up to someone and tell them that their socks are untied. They'll look down every time.
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Check out https://sites.google.com/site/theturfwarstimes/ for a joke a week
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What's brown and sticky?
Shit.What's brown and squishy?
Shit.What's brown and stinky?
Shit.What's brown and tangy?
Shit.What's brown and sticky?
A stick.What's brown and sucks?
Your ebony girlfriend.What's brown and flies?
A fly covered in shit.What's brown and black?
A dirty zebra.What's brown and green?
Mouldy shit.What's brown and smells like shit?
A stick, covered in shit. -
Get a green morph suit and go attack weatherman
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Lol. This thread is hilarious!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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