Zombie Voter Apocalypse
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---AP NEWSWIRE---
Thousands of zombie voters have marched into Washington D.C. to participate at the polls on Election Day. The CDC suggests the zombie invasion is "the result of hurricane Sandy saturating the soil excessively during Halloween, enabling the zombies claw through the soft Earth in great numbers." It is speculated that this, in combination with "Gasday" and the upcoming election seems to have motivated the undead to take an interest in politics.
As the normally peaceful zombies pour in, chewing their way to the registration offices, many are outraged to find that the SEIU has already registered them, and their votes have already been cast in early voting.
Continued A6...
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Registering the dead to vote in local, state, and national elections has been a popular method used by community organizers for decades. But this time, it seems to have backfired.
Pamela Deeter, A spokesperson for the SEIU, had this to say:
"Some of our zombie friends are understandably upset at recent actions by the SEIU and its supporters. I would like to urge calm and to stress that all zombies may still vote. Local election law no longer requires identification, and of course, provisional ballots may still be cast. Failing that, you may also join our DC volunteers and hand out flyers for the Democratic cause. Your vote and efforts still count!"
A nearby zombie on the street responded:
"Rrrrrrrrrrgle.. Braiiiiiinzzz!"
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Meanwhile, outraged zombies are destroying the neighborhoods in our nation's Capitol, and we'd like to warn local residents lock all doors and windows, do not go outside, and await the authorities. It is *vital* that you stay in your homes. Make no attempt to reach loved ones, and avoid all physical contact with the assailants.
-AP Washington, D.C.
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Washington D.C. doesn't vote.
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ChickenESupply wrote:
*Face palm*😪Washingtong D.C. doesnt vote.
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ChickenESupply wrote:
and zombies dont exist. its a joke.Washington D.C. doesn't vote.
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http://dcboee.us/
😲Rrrrrrrghle!
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Brown🎵Note😲 wrote:
lol, guess that says it all.... oops.http://dcboee.us/
😲Rrrrrrrghle!
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Lol
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Lol. Good job BN
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I can personally attest to sightings in Dupont Circle. And as a longtime former DC resident: No taxation without representation!
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😲RRRRRRGH! FEED ON DA HUMINZZZZ! 🍗🍖🍝
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Brown🎵Note😲 wrote:
Not a pimp zombie!!!!😱😱😱😲RRRRRRGH! FEED ON DA HUMINZZZZ! 🍗🍖🍝
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*******DoD Bulletin*******
Forces being mobilized, strike imminent. Citizens beware of flying zombie goo and hot lead injections. Collateral damage is a high probability as the zombies have infected many but the virus has yet to take effect. Stay tuned to this station for updates on the growing crisis, and good luck and Godspeed to you all. -
😲Rrrrrrrrru?
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😲rrrrrrgle urrrrr garghlllll
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Merrrttrrttr
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*** Intercepted radio chatter ***
Pockets of resistance have been reported .... Numbers unknown, lines forming ... -
Die and vote m-fer, DIE AND VOTE! Rrrrrrrrrrgle.
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😲This sssity has aftertaste.
Send more cops.
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Residents and visitors of Washington DC and its suburbs. Reports of zombies walking the streets, approaching schools and government buildings are exaggerated. These are registered voters, we must not disenfranchise these individuals. Suppressing the pulse-impaired vote may cause them to occupy something, probably a Starbucks near their local polling location. Under no circumstance should you approach them or approach them and ask them if you can "help them out and get them a bite to eat...". A tourist in the area found this was the fastest way to become a snack for our mumbling citizens. G8 was rapidly infected tho he had not turned yet. He has become the first casualty in the battle for the vote of 2012. Stay tuned for breaking news coverage.
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In other news skynet is coming out with a new terminator modle.
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Rrrrrrrrrromney can't wiiiiinn, vote obaaaaamaaa
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The best way to avoid being a zombie lunch is to try to blend in. Zombies do not attack other zombies.
😲Rrrrgh! Hello! Do you have a moment for zombie rights?🔪📋 I just have a few questions. Rrrrrrrrrrrrgle.
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