Dear Diary. Turfa's ramblings for all to ignore or enjoy.
Forums › General Discussion › Dear Diary. Turfa's ramblings for all to ignore or enjoy.-
I woke up this morning after a very late night last night. Last nights was fun, after I finished work. Why is it that activities assassinated with work are automatically classed as 'boring, horrible, annoying, tiring', and yet the exact same activities are classed as 'cool, fun, epic etc.' when excersised outside of the confines of a job?
'oh, I have to drive to work, drive around town for several hours delivering pizzas and listening to loud music. Dammit, hello sore lower back, ringing ears, running costs, tire wear, fuel costs'
Or then
'oh I have to drive several hours to my friends house tonight. Hello long, fun trip, hello pointless drag races with other drivers on the way, and yay burning rubber whilst blasting music into my happily aching ears'Pizza deliver is giving me dual personalities. One looks at the fun side of activities, one looks at the bad side of them.
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That was written very badly. I believe that that was my secondary (negative) personality's writing: my primary personality enjoys burning tires out and tends to write considerably better.
They say that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity. I've talked to myself for years, and I agree with myself that I am not insane: I am simply a little bit crazy. So sue us, we like ourselves. Or something. -
Quote:
Why is it that activities assassinated...
End quote.I meant:
Why is it that *activities associated...Bloody autocorrect. I sometimes wonder if autocorrect was designed to piss me off.
Was old Steve Jobs sitting in his office one day and randomly thought to himself,
"I know how to piss those people off! I'll create a new feature for the keyboards of all pedantic spellers of the world! Every time they are writing something, it will quietly and quickly change their words to other words of completely different meaning! Let's see how many jobs we can make people lose, families we can break up, and how much embarrassment we can cause!"
I'll bet the evil old genius (God rest his soul, I guess) sat in that office and laughed a great, booming, creepy laugh. His workers probably cowered in their white suits and looked around in case a misspelled association (assassin) jumped ourmt at them.
👆LOOK! It happened again! What the hell is 'ourmt'???
I have to go. My scones ate getting cold. *Are getting cold. Fml. -
♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
Lmfaoo. All I can say is damnyouautocorrect.com.Quote:
Why is it that activities assassinated...
End quote.I meant:
Why is it that *activities associated...Bloody autocorrect. I sometimes wonder if autocorrect was designed to piss me off.
Was old Steve Jobs sitting in his office one day and randomly thought to himself,
"I know how to piss those people off! I'll create a new feature for the keyboards of all pedantic spellers of the world! Every time they are writing something, it will quietly and quickly change their words to other words of completely different meaning! Let's see how many jobs we can make people lose, families we can break up, and how much embarrassment we ✂augh. His workers probably cowered in their white suits and looked around ✂.
👆LOOK! It happened again! What the hell is 'ourmt'???
I have to go. My scones ate getting cold. *Are getting cold. Fml. -
Lol yeah I've spent a lot of time crying tears of laughter whilst reading that site 😂
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I have now, defiantly, turbed it off.
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Turfas Diary, y does Turfa always try to kill other Turfa and mess up his life?
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Lord Jobo wrote:
Um, I dunno mate. He's always on my case though, prick that he is 😣😠Turfas Diary, y does Turfa always try to kill other Turfa and mess up his life?
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I'm watching The Sound Of Music with my best mate and his fiancé. I suppose I should probably not try to find a describing word for the movie lol. I have only one question. What does the family eat as they travel across the mountains? Oh, I know. Grass! No? Whatever. Lol.
What about Lord Of The Rings? I love that trilogy, but still. What kind of messed up set of physical laws would allow a ring to make its wearer invisible? -
Speaking of invisible people and physical laws, any person who was invisible would also be blind. For an eye to detect light, it must absorb the light - the whole point of being invisible is a non-reaction between the substance and visible light
Who even cares about these things? Wouldn't life be better if we could all just live in little groups of friends, get laid every night, farm and hunt to feed ourselves etc? Obviously we would need perfect immune systems and rast-acting regeneration systems for the healing of injuries. Here I go, now I'm the one thinking of unlikely or impossible scenarios.
Speaking of farming and hunting, I'm hungry. Should I kill and eat the cat, or should I go cut some grass from beside the front door to eat?
Guess the conversation has gone back to the Sound Of Music. Really, I'm not a major fan of that movie. My grandparents went to the cinema to see it ... and my grandfather proposed to my grandmother halfway through. True story.
I'm still hungry.
...
*here, puss, puss, puss!* 🐱🔫 -
YOU 1 nanosecond ago
Music can be deconstructive. Nevermind. Does anyone know what deconstruction is? It's a form of construction, only, in reverse. To construct a house, you build from the floor up ... so I suppose deconstructing a house would be building from the roof down...I helped construct a 137 floor skyscraper in my local town. I didn't really. See, thing is, dreams like that are free. There's massive money involved in a building that size, so I have been demoted to top dreamer in the constructive department. In case anybody is wondering, I deliver pizzas and have very little cash.
Photography is kind of like the paid version of dreaming. You can dream for free, or you can buy the dreamer's app in the lifeStore and begin dreaming on paper/screen. It's quite cool.
What the hell did I just say? Dreaming is an art form. So is photography. I forgot to mention, the dreamer's app is in the art section of the store.
Lol. Turfa out✌ -
Dear Diary,
I thought I'd just drop in. How are you feeling? No don't answer that. You're my phone, I don't care how you're feeling.
Oooh! My diary has a name! Siri. My diary is called Siri.
Dear Siri,
Dear Diary,... Dammit! Even my diary has multiple personalities.😣
Turfa out again.✌ -
♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
THE UNICORN KILLED THE GRASSThe unicorn gently tore a tuft of grass from the ground, and mused to herself as she chewed it,
"All living creatures need one another to some extent and for some purpose. Without each other, they cease to exist in reality: they cease to perform their worldy function. There is a great bond between all living creatures, though they barely seem to notice it. She nodded her head again, wisely. She did not need anyone. But then, she was a fabled creature, and in reality, she relied on the imaginations of all those living creatures for her very existence.It seemed to her then that everyone had a deep need for everyone else, be it great or small.
R.I.P. TUFT OF GRASS😭
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Ꮹཞ།ཀཀ wrote:
what if the people at Apple programed the robots wrong and they printed "iPood" on the back LOL♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
Lmfaoo. All I can say is damnyouautocorrect.com.Quote:
Why is it that activities assassinated...
End quote.I meant:
Why is it that *activities associated...Bloody autocorrect. I sometimes wonder if autocorrect was designed to piss me off.
Was old Steve Jobs sitting in his office one day and randomly thought to himself,
"I know how to piss those people off! I'll create a new feature for the keyboards of all pedantic spellers of the world! Every time they are writing something, it will quietly and quickly change their words to other words of ✂.
👆LOOK! It happened again! What the hell is 'ourmt'???
I have to go. My scones ate getting cold. *Are getting cold. Fml. -
ИЕШ☠ВГЕЕD wrote:
Wtf man? Siri doesn't like you very much ... you shout too loud ✌♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
THE UNICORN KILLED THE GRASSThe unicorn gently tore a tuft of grass from the ground, and mused to herself as she chewed it,
"All living creatures need one another to some extent and for some purpose. Without each other, they cease to exist in reality: they cease to perform their worldy function. There is a great bond between all living creatures, though they barely seem to notice it. She nodded her head again, wisely. She did not need anyone. But then, she was a fabled creature, and in reality, she relied on the imaginations of all those living creatures for her very existence.It seemed to her then that everyone had a deep need for everyone else, be it great or small.
R.I.P. TUFT OF GRASS😭
-
ИЕШ☠ВГЕЕD wrote:
😹😹😹😝😝😝 that would be hilariousᏩཞ།ཀཀ wrote:
what if the people at Apple programed the robots wrong and they printed "iPood" on the back LOL♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
Lmfaoo. All I can say is damnyouautocorrect.com.Quote:
✂
✂
✂
Was old Steve Jobs sitting in his office one day and randomly thought to himself,
"I know how to piss those people off! I'll create a new feature for the keyboards of all pedantic spellers of the world! Every time they are writing something, it will quietly and quickly change their words to other words of ✂.
👆LOOK! It happened again! What the hell is 'ourmt'???
I have to go. My scones ate getting cold. *Are getting cold. Fml. -
Dear Diary/Siri,
I would love to be a famous singer. I would get up on the stage, give everyone the finger and start rapping Eminem.
That's right. My debut album would be a hardcore single titled 'Backyard Creeper'. It would feature screaming vocals, because anyone can scream and all those drugged-out teenagers love it. I'd be an immediate hit. Then I'd do what that guy from B.E.P. did and start designing bloody ugly cars that cost a fortune. Come to think of it, that's what Porsche have been doing since they began. So I'd be a B.E.P.-Porsche hybrid. Everybody loves hybrids these environmentally-conscious days ... I'd be a pop star AND an immediately successful car designer. See, I've got my life planned out.
Sincerely,
Your owner. -
♠Aⅅⅅ ϮuƦƑ₳♠ wrote:
unless u got stage fright 😱😱😱Dear Diary/Siri,
I would love to be a famous singer. I would get up on the stage, give everyone the finger and start rapping Eminem.
That's right. My debut album would be a hardcore single titled 'Backyard Creeper'. It would feature screaming vocals, because anyone can scream and all those drugged-out teenagers love it. I'd be an immediate hit. Then I'd do what that guy from B.E.P. did and start designing bloody ugly cars that cost a fortune. Come to think of it, that's what Porsche have been doing since they began. So I'd be a B.E.P.-Porsche hybrid. Everybody loves hybrids these environmentally-conscious days ... I'd be a pop star AND an immediately successful car designer. See, I've got my life planned out.
Sincerely,
Your owner. -
Stage fright is a strange thing. I wonder why it exists ... maybe God gave it to us. They do say he has a sense of humour you know ... I just wonder if it's at all twisted, like mine.
"Hey, hey Archangel, I had this idea. Heheh. You know how people love performing with other people watching? They like being the center of attention. Heheh. Watch this, Archangel. Heh."
*Zap!*
... And suddenly all the performers of the time were voluntarily out of a job.Or,
"Hey, hey Archangel. Look what I can do."
*Zap!*
"See, no hands. I did that with my toes, Archangel. Heheh" -
And then there is the toilet paper in the toilet room at home. I could swear a gremlin lives in that cardboard tube.
"Mweheheh! A humen to terririze! Mweheheh!"
As you sit down on the toilet, you wonder what the little cracking noise is. It sounds like tiny knuckles cracking.
You finish relieving yourself, and realize there is no paper in the room. You could have sworn there were two full rolls in here before you sat down!
You hear the tiny cracking sound again. Bloody gremlins ... and the football just came back on too!
"HONEEEEY! I NEED A ROLL OF PAPER!"
Dammit, she's not home. Grandma is in her room, but she's deaf as a door nail ... should you risk popping around the corner to grab the spare roll from the vanity drawers? -
No, she'd freak if she saw you ... dammit, somebody must have kicked a goal - the TV vibrates from the cheering of the football fans. Argh! You smash open the door to rush into the bathroom, and grandma is right there, in the hall in front of you, and she looks shocked. You hear the tiny cracking sound again, and tiny laughter from somewhere in the house.
Bloody gremlins.
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