New joke comp.
Forums › General Discussion › New joke comp.-
There were two muffins in a oven.
One muffin says "man it's hot in here".
The other one said "look a talking muffin!"
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What's blue that smells like red paint?
Blue paint😱
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Want to here a clean joke-
Johnny was taking a bath with bubbles.
Want to here a dirty joke-
Bubbles is a man😳
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Where do you find a one legged dog?
Where you left it.
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I went to see a psychiatrist.
He told me I was crazy.
I asked for a second opinion.
He said "fine, you're ugly too".
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So a black guy, a Jew, and a gay guy get summoned by God. God tells the black guy, "If you steal one more item, you will disappear and be sent to hell." God then tells the Jew, "If you don't start donating your money to others, you will disappear and go to hell." Then, God tells the gay guy, "If you don't stop having gay sex, then you will disappear and go to hell."
So they all return to Earth, and walk down the street. Along the way, the black guy sees a BestBuy, walks in, and disappears.
Now the gay guy and the Jew are walking down the street. The Jew sees a penny, bends over to pick it up, and the gay guy disappears. -
Three guys were stranded on an island.
They find a lamp and the geanie grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island.
The second guy wished the same thing.
The third guy said "I'm lonely, I wish I had my friends back".
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1. Your mom is so fat she's on both sides of the family.
2. My mom told me I was an accident and when we go bungee jumping she says no and goes "you came into this world from broken rubber and I'm not letting you leave it the same way."
3. When chuck norris does push ups he doesn't go up, the world goes down.
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UnknownAssassin wrote:
Changed my name and a count is a rich guy in the olden days.What happened 💵ţђȩ ҫǿʉɲϮ💵?
I don't know but I heard he was related to 'The accountant'.
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Do I get a turf with my invite code?☺
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This one I got from someone else:
A man returns from safari and tells his friend about a narrow escape he had.'I was by the water hole when a lion jumped out at me, so I ran for the tents, says the man. 'It had just about caught up with me when it slipped and i managed to vault over a log. The lion jumped over the log too, but then it slipped and landed on its back. By that time I was almost at the tents and I could see the safari guide with his gun, so i called out and he took aim. But he couldn't fire because the lion was only a few feet behind me. It bounded up at me, then it slipped again, and I had just enough time to duck in the camp before the guide had shot it.' 'Bloody hell,' says the friend. 'If that had happened to me, I'd have crapped myself.''I did' replies the man. 'Why do you think the lion kept slipping.'
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How many mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Juan.
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What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill?
Avalanche.
What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill?
Mudslide.
What do you call a bunch of African Americans running down a hill?
Jail break.
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After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
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Anyone like my jokes?
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This is a shite thread.
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vishbume wrote:
What is shite? I dont think that word exists. 😜This is a shite thread.
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The count is deff pulling from the internet...
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TGOD239 wrote:
Most are old too. Not a whole lot new. (no offense count 😉)The count is deff pulling from the internet...
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❌❌ZebulonPike❌❌ wrote:
Neither do I, I think it's Italian or something.vishbume wrote:
What is shite? I dont think that word exists. 😜This is a shite thread.
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These are really boring old jokes, or just plain dumb for the most part. Wtf was the Indian chief joke supposed to be funny ?
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❌❌ZebulonPike❌❌ wrote:
😭offense taken😭TGOD239 wrote:
Most are old too. Not a whole lot new. (no offense count 😉)The count is deff pulling from the internet...
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Roses are red violets are blue in soviet russis poem writes you! Teehee
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UnknownAssassin wrote:
Da fuq?Why did the camel fall off the hill? It was winter in Canada and it was on a hill, slipped on ice and slide right into the other camel. He was knocked out in seconds. By the other camel since it was a female and it thought he was hitting on her.
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❌❌ZebulonPike❌❌ wrote:
Love 'em!! Couldn't stop laughing hahahaSnip. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
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💵ţђȩ ҫǿʉɲϮ💵 wrote:
I was bored and thought of it as I went.UnknownAssassin wrote:
Da fuq?Why did the camel fall off the hill? It was winter in Canada and it was on a hill, slipped on ice and slide right into the other camel. He was knocked out in seconds. By the other camel since it was a female and it thought he was hitting on her.
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awesome austin wrote:
To suffer fools or the unenlightened.The following is taken off Wikipedia:❌❌ZebulonPike❌❌ wrote:
Neither do I, I think it's Italian or something.vishbume wrote:
What is shite? I dont think that word exists. 😜This is a shite thread.
Shite is also a common variant in British English and Irish English.[1] As a slang term, it has many meanings, including: nonsense, foolishness, something of little value or quality, trivial and usually boastful or inaccurate talk, or a contemptible person. It may also be used as an expression of annoyance, surprise, or anger, and has other usages as well.....sums up all the dross that was vomited up here.I like jokes but this is shite. -
Still like add chilly's lame joke.
I finish work in 4 hours I'll pick a winner then. -
💵ţђȩ ҫǿʉɲϮ💵 wrote:
Some are good but you just copy/pasted them from the last joke thread. At least chilly is original.Anyone like my jokes?
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shrinut wrote:
Hey, so are most of mine.💵ţђȩ ҫǿʉɲϮ💵 wrote:
Some are good but you just copy/pasted them from the last joke thread. At least chilly is original.Anyone like my jokes?
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