Lol! Save us from Engineers!!

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bunnymcd Mar 26, 2012

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipes

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cubic centimeters gluten
2. 4.9 cubic centimeters NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cubic centimeters refined halite
4. 236.6 cubic centimeters partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cubic centimeters crystalline C12H22011
6. 177.45 cubic centimeters unrefined C12H22011
7. 4.9 cubic centimeters methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. 2 calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein ovals
9. 473.2 cubic centimeters theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cubic centimeters de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
bunnymcd Mar 26, 2012

Instructions:

To a two liter jacketed round reactor vessel (Reactor #1), with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 BTU, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.

In a second two liter reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100rpm, add ingredients four, five, six and seven until the mixture is homogenous.

To Reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in Reactor #1.

Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation.
Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise, which may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piecemeal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank and Johnston's first order rate expression, or until golden brown.
bunnymcd Mar 26, 2012

Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
ㄎңձժø൰ (YW)🔫🔴🌆 Mar 26, 2012

😱that is how I make my cookies! How did you know?
ᎢᎻᎬ ᏟᏞᎪᏚᏚᏆᏟ Mar 26, 2012

chill16 wrote:
😱that is how I make my cookies! How did you know?

Lol
🔰࿈Ᏸลอ🔥Ᏸεαη࿈🔰 Mar 26, 2012

Sadly for me, that is completely more understandable than the instructions on the box. At least you can tell what exactly your doing in those instructions, fuck mixing until smooth, that batter never gets smooth there is always damn chunks in the batter. Fuck you Pillsbury.
†‡†ℍøƖγ☀Ǥɧøs†‡† Mar 26, 2012

Thanks these are some good cookies
Amish Hitman Mar 26, 2012

Bwahahaha I'm an engineer ... That's some funny shit 👍
※ Ꭰ Ꭺ Ꮩ Ꭼ Ᏼ ※ Mar 26, 2012

I don't think he's an engineer he's a baker in the making yawnnnnn💤💤💤
røger Mar 26, 2012

👊࿈Ᏸลอ🔥Ᏸεαη࿈👊 wrote:
Sadly for me, that is completely more understandable than the instructions on the box. At least you can tell what exactly your doing in those instructions, fuck mixing until smooth, that batter never gets smooth there is always damn chunks in the batter. Fuck you Pillsbury.

Ha ha...
Hyena Mar 26, 2012

The Yaaawwwnnnn does not approve of this thread...

Damn bakers are everywhere!!!
Visɧɓuɱe Mar 26, 2012

Lol... Nice post. Good work!
slugboy Mar 26, 2012

I use a website called cooking for engineers. It's brilliant. Had my best ever panfried chicken following their instructions
eviltink Mar 26, 2012

I srsly LOL'd!
🔰ℬཞüęℵǿཞ🔰 Mar 26, 2012

Woke up, read this...
Went back to sleep.
NaiBlanc Mar 26, 2012

bunnymcd wrote:
Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

ok sheldon cooper, carry on with your hypothisis of quantum physics in an extrampting fourth dimensional universe where sheldonopolis is the capital??? 😺😺😺😺😺
The Nuke371 Mar 26, 2012

Sounds like you're trying to refine Uranium let alone bake cookies!