I need help
Forums › General Discussion › I need help-
My gf and i just broke up because these past few months things have been very bad and the final straw was her going to a party and lying to me that she was doing something else. she then admitted to me that the reason why she went then lied to me about it was because she just wanted to get away from all her troubles, including something that happened that was very bad. she told me something happened to her a few months ago and that she doesnt want to tell anyone, not even her family, about it. she told me that she doesnt want to tell me but then said she would when the time was right. apparently this is what made her become more distant from me. i cant stop wondering what happened.
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i recently talked to her and brought it up again and she said the same thing. i think that she was probably raped or something. when i told her about what i was thinking and how in my mind i was thinking that maybe she had done something without me knowing and thats when that happened, she told me that she is going to give me an ultimatum. either she tells me and we dont mention it ever again, no questions or anything else about it or she doesnt tell me at all. now she has never mentioned anything about being raped but she hasnt denied it at all. and i feel like maybe she was doing something behind my back the day that happened (which is not confirmed that in fact it was rape) i am so confused. i want to be with her for a long time but i think that this relationship cannot go on any further with this doubt in my mind.
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i told her what i think and she said that the reason why she doesnt want to tell me its because im going to start questioning her and she doesnt want that. could it be likely that she was raped while she and some guy were drunk or something? or maybe it wasnt rape at all?
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buy a cat.
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If she dosn't want to tell you then don't pressure her. That will just make you become more distant.
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the thing that hurts the most is that we have been together for 5 years.
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Oh that stinks but she will tell you when she's ready, it might ruin the relationship if you try to probe her too much
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5 years? Fuck that she needs to tell you. You don't have to talk for hours about it. Her conditions were somewhat manageable. But she needs to tell you. Sounds like she's full of shit. I'm sorry. If she doesnt, how do you really expect to get past this?
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yeah she says she will tell me when she feels the time is right because she doesnt want to think back to whatever it is that happened. what i dont like is that she says that i will not be able to ask any more questions after. so if thats the case and she tells me that she was raped.......wouldnt there be questions?
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like who did it, or how did it happen, or when did it happen? because we dont do things without telling each other what it is were going to do. so i think that maybe she kept something from me and thats when it happened and thats why she doesnt want questions asked?
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mr. noodlezz wrote:
I take that back. Buy a dog, much more loyal and don't give you that disdainful look just before they go piss on some of your shit.buy a cat.
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Uhm, then she might make up something stupid to make you THINK she told you. Maybe go to her and tell her that if you guys want to be together, she needs to trust you and respect you enough to be able to tell you anything. Even if it means being completely emotionally vulnerable. If she can't accept that, maybe she is hiding something. And even if she's not, it's quite apparent you already have trust issues. So maybe this isnt the relationship for you?
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Not to be a dick but why jump to the rape scenario? Could it be possible she cheated, not to judge someone I don't know but some people can hide that and never bring it up. maybe she pooped the bed and it stained so she doesn't want to be home and relive the horror. Either way she needs to tell you everything or trust just isn't there.
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That's a tough spot to be in. I was thinking rape while reading this before u even brought it up. But the post above about it possibly being something else is a good point. Regardless I don't envy your position. I was in one of those on again off again relationships ten years ago with a girl who told me she was raped. Relationship was horrible for the next while and we never ended up dating again. Ended pretty bad. I hope yours ends better than mine did.
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mr. noodlezz wrote:
You've got me thinking and I'm really beginning to doubt my previous advice. I'd say go with a fish, there nice, clean, lo maintenance, extremely loyal. Like when you get watching a fish it just puts you into such a pensive state, the simple motion of effortless swimming. I feel like they allow you to open up, they don't put there shit on you, they just listen and blow bubbles of understanding. Like seriously, imagine being born with the genetic characteristics of a natural water dweller, being able to manipulate your environment to allow you to move in three dimensions. I'm totally ranting instead of giving advice. Any of the three are good, but definitely the fish would have my highest recommendation.mr. noodlezz wrote:
I take that back. Buy a dog, much more loyal and don't give you that disdainful look just before they go piss on some of your shit.buy a cat.
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Like cebro and Turf Warrior said. It could be a couple things. My one piece of advice - it could end your relationship but I think it's the right thing. If she was raped, you need to report it to the police. She probably won't want you to and will hate you for doing it. But it has to be done. If he (the guy that may or may not have done anything) raped her, he'll do it again. And again. And she'll be scarred for life til she confronts it.
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Why mr noodles? This is obviously serious to him? Why are you mocking? I know I had some serious relationship issues a few weeks ago and you guys were all I had. My phone was busted and everything.
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Add RaiKou wrote:
I agree. Even though I'm the king of hating on threads I feel for this guy. This is a legit problem.Why mr noodles? This is obviously serious to him? Why are you mocking? I know I had some serious relationship issues a few weeks ago and you guys were all I had. My phone was busted and everything.
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just let her decide. if she comes back then happyness all around. good luck
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Thanks everyone. And Raikou is right. i have no one else to talk to about this problem because my close friends know her and i wouldnt want to jeopardize her privacy. i am seriously confused. i just want to be there for her, but at the same time i dont want to be hurt if she were to tell me that she was in fact raped while going out behind my back or something. after 5 almost 6 years i really love this girl and she is so close to me.
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Snake? Snake?? SNAKE!!!
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Bro you got no cousins or anything like that? My cousins and I share just about everything.
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I do have cousins but i dont talk with them much. besides, sadly to say, the ones i might be able to talk to will probably not think things through for me either and will just tell me something like "dump her" or "forget her" without offering much help.
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Add RaiKou wrote:
+1Uhm, then she might make up something stupid to make you THINK she told you. Maybe go to her and tell her that if you guys want to be together, she needs to trust you and respect you enough to be able to tell you anything. Even if it means being completely emotionally vulnerable. If she can't accept that, maybe she is hiding something. And even if she's not, it's quite apparent you already have trust issues. So maybe this isnt the relationship for you?
Remember that both of you have a right to a happy life. That may not mean you stay together but to stand a chance you need to be open with each other. Hope everything turns out ok.
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You don't trust each other. You're not partners, you're just fuck buddies. Move on. Get that cat.
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If she was raped while going out behind your back, what are the chances that this isnt already weighing in on her mind? Dont you think she would not only be feeling guilty, but now has to live with the consequences of these actions? People mess up. All the time. We are human. I know it must feel pretty crappy, but if there is even a chance she was raped, id try to be supportive. Its not easy telling about a rape. I know people whom have been through it. They dont feel like talking about it will fix it. Sometimes they feel its their fault. Talking about it requires reliving the horrible experience. Not many people go out in the open about it. I have friends whom have sworn me to secrecy and told me about things in their past. Its awful to live with. Its a terrible burden.
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mr. noodlezz wrote:
Don't troll. Snake is a vet and deserves your respect. Snake my best wishes for you in this situation. Keep your chin upmr. noodlezz wrote:
I take that back. Buy a dog, much more loyal and don't give you that disdainful look just before they go piss on some of your shit.buy a cat.
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So while honesty is a must, if you suspect rape, try to go easy. If she doesnt stop doing things behind your back, then maybe it wasnt meant to be. But dont break up if you think the reason shes keeping quiet is rape. Also make sure that whatever happened to her hasnt sent her into a self destructive state of mind. Keep a caring eye on her. Just my opinion.
Also, to all those whom think being with a rape victim is hard, try being the victim.
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Your solid snake, with possibly a very solid snake. Do the smart thing and, JUST WHIP IT OUT!!!!!
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Rape sounds like a possibility but it also could be that she cheated and regrets it so she may cry rape later on when it was truly consensual sex. It sounds to me like you guys dont trust each other and she is definitely hiding stuff so I would leave her and cut your losses. 5 years is too long to be with someone if they arent gonna be completely honest with you 100% of the time. If my wife was raped, i would be the first to know about it. Sounds to me like its not a great relationship to start with so I would give her the ultimatum of you tell me or CYA!
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💣ㅆⅈʂʗℌⅈミƑ🔫 wrote:
Stfu.Your solid snake, with possibly a very solid snake. Do the smart thing and, JUST WHIP IT OUT!!!!!
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