Best jokes thread
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Write the best jokes u have here.......
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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago.... Death is to afraid to tell him
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The energizer bunny runs from chuck norris
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I got caught sneaking urine samples out of the lab earlier.My boss says if I don't quit taking the piss I'll get sacked.
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I am trialling a new toilet cleaner, it has a lot to live up to.
The last one divorced me and took away my children. -
Has anyone heard the joke about the no and the me neither?
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Dmitri wrote:
Me neither🔎Ϯʜė IɴsǷeʗ†oŗ🔫 wrote:
No?Has anyone heard the joke about the no and the me neither?
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🔎Ϯʜė IɴsǷeʗ†oŗ🔫 wrote:
Nah.Has anyone heard the joke about the no and the me neither?
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A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey you look like a fun guy"
😝 -
*Food hits floor*Little Germs: 'Let's get it!'King Germ: 'No, we must wait 5 seconds!'
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"Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle?"
"I'm too drunk, you get in."
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🔎Ϯʜė IɴsǷeʗ†oŗ🔫 wrote:
Has anyone heard the joke about the lollipop? You don't want to it sucksHas anyone heard the joke about the no and the me neither?
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Conjunctivitis.com, now there's a site for sore eyes.
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Cop says "how HIGH are you".
Guy says " I believe it's HI how are you" -
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
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My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us.
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She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.But the jewel in the crown has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work.Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single fucking day.Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
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This girl told me that she wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth.If I was the last person on Earth, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter.
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Jeff was in trouble
He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wif was mad. The wife yelled that if tomorrow she didnt see something that goes from 0-300 in 5 seconds something bad would happen. So sure enough, Jeff goes out and buys something. The next morning the wife come out and sees on the driveway... A BRAND NEW BATHROOM SCALE. Jeff hasn't been seen for a while... -
*wife
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So two monsters eat a clown and one says " does this taste funny to you?"
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