Hospital Hoots
Forums โบ General Discussion โบ Hospital Hoots-
1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I
noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'.
I instructed.'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.
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4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk General
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'Submitted by Dr. Steve n Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent
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6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how was your breakfast this
morning?''It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an
immediate operation... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
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Ahh some laughs to brighten things up. Thanks swag!
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๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ I've been around enough hospitals to see 3 of these happen for real ;)
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Lmao at #7
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I lol'd ๐น๐น thanks swag
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๐น๐น needed a good laugh
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Lol swagger, your amazing you always make me lol
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1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
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15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale. but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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Hahahahaha ๐๐๐
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I love those char ones. They always make me chuckle ๐
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Girl calls her mum ... Mum mum my waters have broken I'm having my baby help
Help . Mum says. Calm down. Tell me where are u ringing from ?? Girl. From
My minge down to my knees
What's that got to do with it -
Nice bro
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Soooooo hysterical! Thank you!๐๐๐
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Thank, swag! ๐๐
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The fart one was my personal favourite ๐
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OMG!!! We're so rofl!!! Good job swags mate, keep them coming.
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Enjoyable reading. My wifethought I was listening to her when I began to chuckle..... Busted!
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Ahahahaha these made my day! I live #s13,18 and 27๐ผ๐ผ๐ผ
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Classic...thank you.
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These are all great! Thanks for sharing
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This is great! ๐น
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That was epic man!
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